Are we negotiating? ALWAYS!

What are you negotiating? Are you settling for less than your fair share in this abundant universe? Do you cut your dreams short because you don´t believe they can come true? Let me tell you... Dreams do come true but you need to be ready to believe and have a crystal clarity of what you want to achieve because the Universe is listening to you and it´s making your choice come true. Reality is that YOU are always choosing, whether you are choosing or not. Your lack of choice is a choice after all. You can sit in the bog as long as you want but you are choosing to do so and you will have to deal with the consequences. You are not going to be able to go blame anyone for your lack of action because it is YOU who is choosing to sit in misery instead of making a different choice.

The other day, I was trying to get clarity on what I wanted to achieve for 2014.... I started listing the things I wanted in my perfect job and I realized.... mmmmmmm.... this is what I have now. You can picture my shocked face. Then I started delving a little deeper and I said... this is what I would want in my mental structure. No wonder why I am still in this job after 8 years.... yes I am choosing even when it does not make me 100% happy because this is what I believe I deserve. Do I deserve to be a full time Priestess? Yes.... come on! Reality or the mental structure is just limiting what you can have and what you can´t have. Do you get what I am saying? How many times have you found yourself not believing in your own dream and thinking it was too far fetch to come real? Then you see somebody that seems to be lucky because she or he has all you want to have and you wonder... why do you get my dream and I don´t? Once again, reality is telling you that you chose not to believe in your dreams or feel that they were too far fetched to become real.

I was with one of my friends last Friday and she told me she thought she was not artistic because when she was young she would get out of the box and paint purple hair on people. She said the teacher said people don´t have purple hair and I said that´s not true... You know our mutual friend... she has purple hair so that´s not reality, people CAN have purple hair. How many times have you been told of a structure that is not based on reality but it is placed there to limit you?

I usually consider myself a very flexible person but I have come to realize I am quite rigid at times. Once I make an opinion on something is hard for me to compromise and that could work to my detriment because I do have several societal myths  that I follow. You may wonder what are those? Societal myths are those myths that are carried by your society and you follow them such as:

- Marriage is forever
- You need to work hard to make money
- Relationships involve sacrifice
- Life is hard
- Money does not grow on trees
- No pain, No gain
- Life is not easy
- Dreams don´t come true

And I could keep adding to the list but I will keep it short as you understand what I am talking about. What are those things you believe they are real but they are not? Like my friend with the purple hair.... She is very much real and even when she does not fit the standard or normal hair color, she is real!!!!

When you think about this, what does come to you? What are those things you don´t think that come real but if you believe they can come reality, they will? Where are you cutting yourself short out of misguided beliefs that are not based on reality because YOU know they can come true? We are always negotiating and you are deciding what the deal is about! Choose your best choice! Avoid not choosing because in that you are choosing! The Universe is listening to you and wants to make your dream come true, be clear and determined, believe and wait for the results.

When the Universe asks you, "Are you negotiating?" Just respond ALWAYS!

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

2014 - An Opportunity to Rebuild

2012 did not bring the End of The World as predicted but 2013 did bring a massive amount of transformation that has felt like a Tsunami hitting the shore and taking everything I know with it. I never experience a Tsunami in this lifetime but I´ve heard that in those moments, before the big wave hits, you can see the bottom of the ocean. Let me tell you that I have seen the bottom of the ocean this year in many areas of my life. 2013 has felt like the year of total demolition picturing the Tower card in the Tarot, lightening has struck and brought down many structures I thought were solid. 2013 has also made me question my issues around trust, around my intuition, about my magickal power of manifestation and many other things. It has presented an opportunity to bring everything down so I can have space to rebuild my life the way I want it in 2014. It´s true that we can build around an existing structure but there are certain times in life when we just have to demolish and make space for the new. Start again with a white canvas that allows us to create what our dreams and visions are in the present moment.

2013 brought changes in many spheres in my life that made me wonder whether I could weather the storm and how much it would take to blow me away because I firmly believe that we have the power to choose our reactions in life and how we respond to events in our life shapes the experience. It all started with the company I work for being sold and having to move offices... this made me start thinking how committed I am to this place and whether I would be better off in another place. What do I like? Is this job the right fit for me? If money was of no concern, would I be in this job? There has always been the underlying current in the past four years that I am not good enough to reach the next level, there is always something missing and I am never getting there. When I look at my spiritual practice, I know that if things are not going the way I am envisioning is because Goddess has a better plan for me and is trying to show me with different situations that I need a change. The problem is that my Moon in Taurus makes me so stubborn and I will bring the wall down if necessary but I do reach times when I see reality and I move on. It may take days, weeks, months, even years, but I do get to that point of no return and I move forward.

This same principle applies to other areas in my life as well. The other day, a friend of mine told me that some relationships have an expiration date. When I heard that I was like... I know what you are talking about. 2013 was the year where my marriage expired. Some people say divorce is equal to experiencing the death of a loved one and I would agree with that since the entity that was created by two ceases to exist. This process brings lots of emotions, grief and pain for all those dreams that brought the two people together but never came true, the expectations each partner had that may or may not have come true, and the realization that it did not work out. 

Death has also been a part of 2013 as I said goodbye to my granny and my spiritual mother. October and November are bringing the final push so I can burst out of my cocoon and I spread my wings of freedom and transformation. I still remember my grandmother looking at my Buckland´s Book of Witchcraft and saying to my ex-boyfriend "She is into that......" and you could see the rolling eyes but I know deep in her heart, she knew that path was my path and I was meant to be a Priestess of the Goddess. 

I also recall Lady Olivia Robertson when she initiated me as an ArchDruidess and looked into my eyes and said "Now you go make it your own, this is for you to transform into your own" and I have. Every day as I light my candle and say her name and ring my bell, I feel she is still there, very present, telling me it´s my game. It´s my time to make it my own and create my community the way I envision for the good of all.

As I look back, I see 2013 had a domino effect in my life. When one piece fell then many others fell with it. I could look at it and become a victim but I am choosing to see the blessing in disguise in all that has happened so far. As I read Power Spellcraft for Life by Arin Murphy-Hiscock, she states that spells are used as an active way to shape our reality and they are used for positive change. 

After touching bottom in 2013, I am still sitting in the driver seat of my life, my GPS are my emotions and intuition, and I am ready to transform my life making 2014 an Opportunity to Rebuild. What is your 2014 looking like? Where are you now? Where do you want to be? What do you need to change? We create our future in the now moment. We are only one month away from 2014. What do you want? What does 2014 stand for for you?

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

When you are going through hell, just keep going!

A friend of mind told me a few weeks ago when everything seemed to be collapsing in my life the famous saying of Winston Churchill "When you are going through hell, just keep going!" and I think it is a great saying for Mercury Retrograde times. Thank Goddess Mercury turned direct today at 4:30 pm so we are out of the retrograde period but it´s not over yet, my friends! We know that there is a Shadow period when Mercury transits the degrees he retrograde before and once Mercury passes the point in the zodiac when he turned direct, that´s when it is finally over but the light is at the end of the tunnel and we begin to feel the energy moving forward and we can start putting in action all those things that we re-visited, re-vision, and re-evaluate during the retrograde time.

October was a very challenging month for many of us. Do you ever feel when it rains it pours? I think that´s reality for many of us. During October, I had to move offices after the company was sold a few months ago and it seems that when it comes to work, you never get a dull moment or know what type of monster will come out of the woods to attack you. Many times have I felt like Alice in Wonderland in this company as I never know what creature I will greet in the morning. It feels like a pill will make you larger and another pill will make you smaller. You get blown out of proportion to be deflated with unrealistic expectations a minute later. You are never good enough to get to the next level because there is always something missing and you have no clue what that is... like a video game where you are looking for the hidden clue but you have absolutely no idea where to find it or how to get it and you never reach the next level. "When you are going through hell, just keep going!"

In the relationships realm, I faced a few storms during this Mercury retrograde period. It seemed that we were all in our own stories and couldn´t see the other person for who that person was. Hidden agendas, mysteries, lies and deception... Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio brought a lot of the Scorpio issues in relationships. If you wonder what the scorpio issues are, they include but they are not limited to "deception, mystery, power over or power fights, death and transformation" and yes - I said not limited to so there goes the disclaimer!!!! I was in a legal conference last week and they were paying a lot of attention to different words and disclaimers so that stuck with me! When you are going through hell, just keep going!

Talking about Legal  vocabulary and the Legal System.... This Mercury Retro time was fun in that realm... yes, fun is a very sarcastic way to put it. First, I got some papers back from the court that I had to refile even when I was told everything was ok and spent hours in court to verify it. Then I get called to jury duty and have to go to court once again.... and top it, I got a speeding ticket in June and I had till December to complete traffic school but my insurance decided to up my rate now- before the legal timeframe of completion of class... legal world..... challenging and definitely.... "When you are going through hell, just keep going!"

In the end, we all survive Mercury Retrograde and now it has turned direct once again and we are still standing. Things return to normal and the lessons we learned during these periods are those of revision, reevaluation and revision. We need to go back to the drawing board and rethink what we are doing and whether that is helping us reach our goals, are those things really working? Are you following the definition of insanity that says do the same thing and expect a different result? Can you change your actions to impact your results? So when you are in your darkest hour and everything seems to fail just remember "When you are going through hell, just keep going!" there is a light in the end, you will find it too.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Trust! Press the reset button!

Press it now!!!! Press what?!?! The reset button that will bring the catalytic change that will bring your life back to harmony with the Divine plan. There are times in life when you feel everything is collapsing, the life as you know it is transforming in front of your eyes. The people you thought were close friends bring you down, the boss tells you that you are not good enough, the red tape does not go through, you have change in your life, you have to deal with the unknown as you don´t know what will happen tomorrow and all you can do is hold on tight and wait for the hurricane to stop blowing and pray you will come out ok to the other side of the storm and see the rainbow.

Have you ever had that moment in life when you hope you can fall asleep and wake up when everything is done because the transition time is just too hard? I´ve been going through some big transitions in my life lately and I know that in the past, I would have used different techniques to numb the pain and the fear I felt. I would get extremely busy or I would start a new diet... yeah... it´s much easier to think about calories in and out instead of realizing that the dreams you had will not come true, the visions you created when you were young and that motivated you to leave your family and friends behind did not come to be. It´s hard to sit with the broken dreams and feel the grief that broken promises bring.

Change is like a domino effect, when one piece falls, many fall at the same time. The Divine has a way of helping us rise our vibrations by bringing several challenges at the same time but She never pushes us to the limit we can not face. The thing becomes whether you accept the challenge or you deny it and look at the other side. If you look the other side, you may find the same lesson repeated again and again until you take the challenge. As I always say, different people, different places, same core lesson. If you accept the challenge, you may have an earthquake and everything may shake but you will come stronger the other side.

I have run way too many times, it is time. It is time to face the fears and really peeled the layers of lessons down to the core so I can then move on. There are patterns that are showing themselves once again but the one that is very predominant is the over-giving mother. I am beginning to question how much I give and how much I receive. How´s the flow? Is it my expectations that make me feel left with not much? Are people taking me for granted? The other day I was telling a friend that she had to teach people how she wanted them to treat her, the level of respect and appreciation, and I couldn´t help but think whether I do the same. Am I teaching people it is ok not to respect me? Is it ok not to appreciate me?  What are my standards in relationships? I have a tendency to give a lot but I also need to learn it is ok not to give. It´s time to set up some boundaries and make some new rules. I know some people may go away or rebel but I also know that many things are changing and I am not the same person I was before so it´s time for the next move in the chess board of life and if that means check mate to some things, people or events, so it be.

When I got the Death card yesterday, I finally understood that it was time to let go. It´s time to accept that the time has come for some patterns to die out. The only certain thing in life is change. We are always changing and evolving and if we are not, we are dead. Rebirth is not that bad and like the butterfly we spread our wings and fly away in a beautiful new way. Today, I was shown that even when we have irrational fears, things can be ok. We moved offices and the whole thing was such a pain but when I saw the place today, I was like... mmmm .... new is ok, new is nice actually. The breezes of new air, of new energies, of new location brought a sense of safety because everything was ok. The bigger message was that no matter how bad you may think it is, it is all going to be ok. Trust the unknown because it´s the void of opportunities and in that void is where creation happens.

Storms come and go but there is always a rainbow.

Trust! Press the reset button!

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Trust - The Universe will provide....

When you are open to the Universe and willing to take a risk, good things happen. This weekend I got to experience that first hand. I was planning to go to the Isis Convocation at Isis Oasis when I found out that I had been assigned to the general dormitory. Every time I had attended this event, I had been with my father and we would get a room together. This time, I was on my own and I was not feeling too eager about sleeping with 50 people I did not know. I tried to see if there was a room available but everything was taken and that was the only option. As you may know, I am a planner so I thought about Plan B.

My Plan B involved sleeping in my car. I brought my sleeping bag, some blankets, my pillow and even my teddy pet owl, Kukoo. I was determined to make my own nest in my car and sleep in the peace of my own company as I was 100% sure, I did not want to sleep in the common dorm. When I arrived at Isis Oasis, I once again asked if there was anything available for a room and I was told no so I said, "I think I will sleep in my car", I was met with faces of surprised and shock because I would be better sleeping in the dorm. In my mind, I prefer to sleep alone than sleep in a bed with many people I don´t know.  As the evening progressed, I met my teacher and two of her students, my Priestess sisters! We had dinner together and when I said, I am going to sleep in my car, they said "No way". I was invited to the house they were staying to spend the night. Yes! The universe said "TRUST" because it is going to be ok.  During dinner I was also invited to be a Priestess in a ritual that Isadora Forest was leading the following day. This was very exciting, not only because I was doing a ritual with Isadora, the author of one of my favorite books - Isis Magic - but I was also doing a ritual with my teacher and my two Priestess sisters! It was so exciting!!!! We spent part of the night at the house talking about the ritual and rehearsing this impromptu ritual priestessing but once you are a Priestess, you are always a Priestess no matter where you are or what tools you have with you.

Yes, tools! I had no crown... no cord... no sistrum... I was definitely not prepared for leading ritual but what do I always say to my students? It´s not the tools that make the witch but the witch that hold the power! So I dressed as ceremoniously as I could, used a piece of cloth in my head to symbolize the crown and I believed it was ok just to be me... no outfit... no tools... but I could use my power to hold this container with my sisters. It was just an amazing experience all together. I love the ritual "The Mysteries of the Beloved and the Two Sisters" and at the end, I got the validation that the ritual had been great. Therefore,  I felt that at times we feel we have to have a plan, all the tools, and everything set up and things go extremely wrong but when we let those spontaneous things to happen, we take risks and we jump, we meet the greatness of the now moment.

One thing I learned during this weekend was that you got to trust, sometimes you have to be like the fool in the tarot and just jump. I had million excuses not to go to the convocation last weekend but I decided to trust and even if I slept in my car, it was ok. Getting there was the one step it told the universe I was open and I was ready. It´s time to just flow and even if I am scared I have to jump. Even if I can find million excuses to not do something, it´s time to push through fear and do what I want to do and take care of myself, not anyone else, just myself. It may sound selfish but in the end we are all one and what I change in me, I change in the people around me, in my city, in my state, in my country, in the world. It´s time to push against the Virgo fear and be more like a Piscis and flow, let the tide take me to the proper destination..... Everything will be ok. Everything shall be ok.

Blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

My Heart is my Radar

As I look at the sunset today, I begin to feel the energies of the year to come. With each birthday, our wheel of life turns and we begin a new experience with a new rising sign, new moon, and new locations for our planets. The way it connects with our natal chart also gives us some clues of what the lesson of the year is to be.

This year, I have Pisces rising and for a Virgo, that´s quite the challenge! Let me tell you about it :-) Pisces has many positive traits such as being very compassionate, showing unconditional love, selfless, intuitive, imaginative and a dreamer. If you know the symbol for Pisces, you know it is two fishes, there is the positive fish and the challenging fish. The challenging fish for Pisces is an escapist, pessimistic, over-sensitive, lazy and weak-willed. The question becomes "what fish will I choose to swim with this year?" So far, I´ve been a little over-sensitive and dramatic as well as pessimistic and filled with fears of the future.

My Moon is originally in Taurus what makes me very resilient and perseverant. I may give people a tons of opportunities to prove me wrong. I tend to be like a bull trying to bring the wall down and at times a little stubborn and I don´t give up easily on anything unless I feel the situation, relationship or thing is complete. Then I can move on easily and close the door and never open it again (thanks to my Uranus in Scorpio). This year, my moon is in Aries. Oh Mighty God of War! Aries brings a spark and the call for action, the call for fire, the call to initiate and to be fearless. It also bring explosive reactions and fast thinking and combined with my Pisces rising can create an over-sensitive bomb! Awareness is a bliss. Not that we will be able to prevent the reactions but we will be aware and work on damage control more easily.

Planetary alignments usually help us understand the energies that are around us and that at times are more noticeable than others. They give us the push to keep growing in our journey of life and evolving as human beings. This year presents a unique opportunity for me as I am finding my rising to be the opposite of my Sun sign and I have so many other planets in Virgo that Virgo is a strong trait of my personality. Pisces, as the opposite, shows me that at times I have to surrender, I have to go to the flow and I have to follow my heart and my intuition and not second doubt my intuition because if I do, I would be doomed. There may be no plan B, C, D and E this year, there just may be me in the now moment. Sometimes we need to forget about the illusion of control and just surrender to the power of the Now Moment that creates the future vision. As I stood on my favorite beach on the day after my birthday, I realized that during this year, I will need a radar. There will be strong fogs that will prevent me to see reality because my emotions may cloud my vision but in those times, I will resort to my radar. I will let go of the intellect and just let myself be guide by my heart. My heart knows what´s right for me and has no judgement, it has the perfect vision for my life.

Trust is also necessary this year. Trust that I will be ok, trust that no matter how horrible the storm is, there is a rainbow after that storm and the sun will always come out and shine one more time. I have to remain honest with myself and shed those areas that don´t follow my heart´s calling because at this point, I am facing a big reset and life has just began. The past is gone, the future is not here, just the present moment is my reality and my heart is my radar.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amalia Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

One adventure at a time....

It was the by-pass!!!!! That´s what we kept saying with my Priestess Sister as we were driving to Malibu last week. As soon as we hit that weird by-pass in I-5 everything changed. Yes, you read right.... weird by-pass. We were going on I-5 and all of the sudden we see orange cones and we have to go left (the feminine side, the Goddess side) and then we find ourselves within two lines of traffic.... one going to one side, the other one to the other and we were in the in-between. After leaving the by-pass, we had to take a road we had never taken before and started passing acres and acres of land but no sign of civilization. The temperature kept raising as we hit 105 and we were both super warm. We decided to stop in a store to get some sun block for me as I was driving and I was scared I was going to get sun burned. This town´s energetics were very strange. It felt like we were in a different dimension.

After we left the store, we headed towards Malibu. As we were reaching destination, we realized that there were some military buildings in the area what made me feel strange for some reason. It only took us to see the ocean to feel like home. The air was warm and the ocean smell different from the ocean in our area. We could see lots of places where you could camp on the beach and I so wanted to do that!! As we kept going, I noticed that we passed the location my GPS said the camp should be. There was nothing like a camp in that area, only one restaurant (a crab shack like my Priestess Sister called it). As we passed it, we drove for a few miles trying to find a gas station and when we did, we stopped and put gas then turned around to find the mysterious camp that we did not see the first time. This second time, I saw the sign as we passed it... here we were again trying to find a place to turn around but there were none so I did a daring maneuver and turned around like the dukes of hazard, lol.... That covered for the crazy driving for that trip.

When we arrived at the camp, the placed looked more like a hotel than the camp. That was when I realized I have packed everything wrong! I did not bring linens but I brought my sleeping bag... we were camping... well that´s what I thought. The weather was so warm and I brought more warm clothes than shorts. Everything seems to not fit the description I had in my head for what we were doing. I was basing my experience on previous experiences and it was not matching.

That´s when I realized that I had to let all my expectations go out of the window and try to make the best out of this new adventure. One day we decided to go to the beach as it felt so warm we were thinking about swimming in the ocean. We had this idea that the ocean would be warm as we were down south but that was not correct. This ocean was as cold as the one at home. The only difference was that it was warm outside on the beach. I told my Priestess Sister that we should get in and she was tentative but in the end she got in the water with me. It felt so good to jump the waves and feel the energy of the water. The waves would push us and there was a moment when I went all in. I hadn´t been in the ocean that way since the time I was in Cancun several years ago. It was one of the most amazing experiences ever. I felt recharged!!! 

Sometimes, we embark in adventures with a set of expectations that do not come true. The trick is to just let go of those expectations and go with the flow. If you are too attached to the expectations, you will not enjoy the adventure. They say you only need to know what to do in the now moment, not based it on the past or focus on the future. This adventure had its ups and downs but overall, it was fun and I was glad that I did not let the little downs take over the overall experience.

I know there will be more adventures to come... just one adventure at a time....

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja

https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/ 

Time to fix the closet!

Today, my counselor asked me what I did this weekend to relax and I found myself responding... I went biking, then had pedicures and manicures, then a massage, then I fix the closet... or like we would call it "el placard." When I got to this part, she gave me an interesting look and I could sort of read her mind... yes, I am putting things in order and organizing the closet. The closet may be a nice metaphor of life as we have so many things there that we don´t even know. Taking everything out of the closet allowed me to visualize how at times it is hard for me to let go of things even when they don´t fit me anymore or they are old, they have holes, they look ugly but I still keep them!!! I even had some dresses from when I lived in Argentina and I was lets say... 50 pounds lighter.... Yeah, there is the unrealistic hope that one day I´ll fit in those again... mmmm. Yes, I needed to fix that closet and make room for new things in life and also I am organizing the ones I have so in my chaos of life I find some order and peace.

Like organizing my closet, today´s session took me to a trip to the past. I found myself telling her about the first year in the USA and how horrible it had been. It was so hard to get used to this new place. Having lost my independence, my career, my family, my friends, my language.... the list goes on! It is not strange that I ate my way to survival during that first year and I put so many pounds on. It is also not strange that I did not get concerned with health and being whole as I felt I was just a visitor of this land. This land was not home. A year passed and it finally dawn on me that this was to be home now and I should make better choices if I was to survived as my body could not take the American way of eating (no offense to anyone but not growing up in this country made my metabolism go into shock with the foods I was eating - not best choices either).

We continued the journey into the past and I found myself telling her stories of my mother, of her illness, of the instability and insecurity I felt in my house as a child. I did not have the tools to cope at that time as I did not have the tools to cope with my moving to a different country ten years ago. I think I can agree with Ava Park when she said Love is not all you need. You need more than love to survive and I needed more than a husband to feel home in this land because I had lost so much but at the same time, I traded some of the miseries from the past for this new adventure because I did feel I needed to go far far away and find my place in the world as there was no space for me in my homeland.

I continued telling her the stories of my grandparents and my parents and in those stories I could see parts of my own personal story. I feel my ancestors behind me teaching me as I unfold the things in the closet and look at them once again from a different perspective. I am not the woman I was 10 years ago or even 5 years ago, I can look at these stories again and find new meaning because we can not forget where we come from and how we got here. We can not forget the lessons from the past or ignored them for too long. I heard myself telling my counselor that the women in my family before me did not have the opportunities I have now and I feel I am living for all of them. I am making decisions they may not have made due to fear or tribal myths. I am evolving in my blood line and being an example for my family.

As I face my big transition and my family asks why I don´t go back home, I say "USA is my home now, I have found my peace here and I feel safe even if I am alone." Fixing the closet was more than a physical act, it is my unconscious putting things in order, organizing, evaluating, meditating and setting course for the next adventure. Life is a mystery and I am getting ready for the next part of my journey.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

At the Chocolate Factory....

Golden ticket!!!!!! I got my golden ticket today!!!!! Yes! I got to go to the Chocolate Factory and learn how to make so different chocolates. I really felt like Willie Wonka when I got to the Chocolate Factory. My friend had invited me and I said yes! Let´s go make chocolate! You would think that somebody with the last name meaning love knows how to make sweet things, right? Well, I was there early and it was very nice when the lady at the front desk told me... oh yes, you are Carolina, I know who you are. I looked at all those beautiful confections thinking that I would never be able to make one of those.... yep.... I am not the crafty type. I am the writer, I am the lady of words, I am not a craft woman! But I do love cooking :)

I was the first to get on the apron and funky cap. As I was waiting for more people to get ready, I felt like the model of a funky magazine.... Definitely did not feel beautiful with that funky cap in my head!!! I know Ava says that any hat we have in our heads symbolizes a crown but this one did not! Believe it or not, I still kept my composure and did not show any signs of shyness or being uncomfortable. When my friends got there, I was modeling the cap and apron style and it was ok. I kept thinking about my friend who had told me before today... you have no control, let go! It is what it is and now you are with an apron and crazy cap.. don´t fight, just smile!

When we got to the room where we would be making the chocolate, I saw the tray with the ingredients and there the fun began! I had to fight my need for perfection in this process. There was a moment in the beginning when I looked at my friend and told her "This is why I don´t make chocolate... it looks like crap." I was trying to make Smore´s and they look awful! It was after the Smore´s that I realize that I was there just to have fun and learn fun stuff, not to have the perfect confection creation. Once I realized that, I was able to move on and have fun. Try different things... put sprinkles on my chocolate... get creative, don´t follow the teacher. As everyone was doing the flower as the teacher did, I did a heart... It was my chocolate and I was putting my own signature. Yes! Unique me was coming out in the chocolate.

When I saw my tray with all my creations I couldn´t feel anything but pride. I had created truffles, almond roca, tuxedo straberries, peppermint patties, smores, peanut butter cups, and many other things. I had put my energy and my love in that chocolate and something amazing has come out. I had let go of control and beauty has come out. It made me think that it´s time to release control and flow. I can´t control everything and at times, having fun is more important than the plan or the structure. Letting go of perfection allowed me to have fun and smile... my overpowering D personality type of competition and getting it done was coming out but I was able to move on and have fun, enjoy the experience, and at the end, learn that something beautiful can come out when we let go of control.

At the Chocolate Factory I have learned about myself... chocolate and all.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

What do you want? What do you need?

Being an Enneagram # 2, I am programmed to anticipate other people´s needs, I have an innate ability to determine what other people want and provide to them. People don´t need to worry about what they want or need when they are around me because I am usually providing that before they even say a word. Unfortunately, that also translates in putting everyone´s needs before mine to the point that I am not sure what I want or what I need because other people become disturbances in the field that do not allow me to see clearly what I really need, what I really want.

In the past 10 years, I have gone through major life changes. I moved to the USA because I met my husband and I wanted to be with him. I packed two bags and left the rest behind to start a new life when I was just 23 years old. Three years later, my mother passed away and that was also a major life change. My mother and I were very close. My dad is a captain of a ship and he was away most of the time so my mother and I were just one. When she passed away, I did not have the tools to sit down and grieve her passing. What did I do? I just got myself extremely busy and numb so I could not feel. Looking back at that moment, I know that was the only strategy I had at the time and it was the best I could do. Now, I am here again, at the threshold of another big transformation in my life and the option is sit with it and peel this onion so we can get to the core, clean and clear, and then move on having created space for the new or get busy again. Many friends say... you gotta get busy! Have a plan for every day! Go out!!! I say NO! This is it. Three times a charm! This is the time to evolve and grow. It may take crying like a baby for days. It may take laughing as a crazy person for days. I am sure it will be a ride but I am ready to be in my hermit space and deal with these emotions. I am where I was 10 years ago. This is a big reset. This is a big transformation and I am ready to sit with the grieving and really look at the root of all these feelings so I can understand and not repeat it again. Being numb doesn´t get you anywhere. Distracting yourself with outside activities does not do any good either. All you do is deny reality and it´s time to see reality and work on it. I am a Priestess and I´ve done a lot of personal work to know that denial will only bring more of what I am experiencing now. If you don´t learn the lesson, it will repeat itself! Different people, different places, different situations but the same lesson. It is time to go down the rabbit hole and see how deep can we go because after that, I know I will find wonderland.

Today, I was asked the question "What do you want? What do you need?" and I was like a deer in the headlights.... I did not know what to respond. I have spent most of my life caring for others, being there for them, anticipating their needs, living their stories.... I have lost my compass.... I lost my center and now I am awake and I see I have become too cluttered, too emotional, too lost that I don´t even know what I need or want. I don´t know what real happiness looks like for me. I know I can manifest my destiny but if I don´t know what I want, how could I manifest it? It takes direction and focus to be able to manifest our reality and I think I have just been manifesting realities for others because their needs have come first. It´s time to find my center, it´s time to peel that onion. I know my career is not my problem but I have definitely been covering other areas by worrying about my career. I did that when my mother passed away and just focussed on climbing that ladder... it´s easier to climb the ladder than sitting in the pain of loss and grief. I can´t do the same now. It´s time to delve into those emotions and as the year moves into the dark part... I, myself,  move into a deeper space of observation and working on the issues that have cluttered my space to the point that I don´t even know what I want or need. It´s time to live my life in an authentic way and put Carolina first. It´s time to find my center.

What do you want? What do you need?

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

I´ll prove you wrong....

Faith... Kindness... Trust... We live in a world that teaches us to not trust, to be hesitant when we receive a random act of kindness. What does this person want? Why is he nice to me? What´s going on here? There must be something behind this.... too good to be true.... How many more phrases can you come up with? Television shows us this is not a safe world to live in. The media is always promoting terror and bad news. We are bombarded with negativity and it´s hard to shield from the continuous message that we are not safe. We are also bombarded with Tribal Myths such as "marriage is forever", "women are not to be alone", "you have to work hard to have money"..... there are so many tribal myths we are bombarded with that we have lost track of them and we have assimilated them so we believe that they are ours.... Then we are fighting ourselves because in the end we believe those myths that our tribe has made for us are true and real because in the past they were meant to protect us but now they are just another mechanism of control.

This week I was traveling for work in Los Angeles, California. It was a very interesting trip. First, the car I was driving was a pain! So big and uncomfortable to drive! Los Angeles traffic is famous for being painful and in this car that was big and with no power, I felt like I was trapped in a big suit surrounding me... bogging me down.... I am so used to my Rav4 with her power that I can run if I want to.... opps.... yeah got a ticket for driving too fast but you can´t take the Latin out of me and I do like speed!

This ugly car did not prevent me from exploring a little bit! And little did I know there was some Argentinean restaurants in the Los Angeles area. I´ve been eating Latin food during the trip and my best friend told me that it was just like Miami so that lit my bulb!!!! Argentinean food!!!!! Yelp is my best friend lately as it help me find food and places to explore :)  I found this Argentinean supermarket/restaurant to try that was just 3 miles away from my hotel so there I went with my GPS in hand and ready to try something familiar but new. I found this place easily and when I got in it felt just like a sketch in Argentinean television where there are a few tables, the bar that only serves some coffee and non-alcoholic drinks and a few guys saying Boludo aqui and Boludo alla... meaning you moron here and you moron there! Very Buenos Aires style!

I usually use English as my language but here I was like I would be better off if they see I am 100% Argentinean... well not sure... I am a Porteña! Like saying I am a New Yorker! You get the picture. I got this server who was the owner and he was so bitter.... I think we started with the wrong foot because he asked me what I wanted to drink and I said red wine and he said.... We DO NOT SELL alcohol. Oppsssss... oh well bring me a coke! That was followed by the question.. how many people will be joining you? And I looked at him in the eye and said, it´s just me, party of one. He gave me the eye!!!! Yes, I don´t have a wedding ring, I am alone and I am ok alone..... Then when I ordered, he once again gave me a weird look because I was ordering for two people but I just wanted to try the food from my country and I did not care if I took half to the hotel. I think he was sort of surprised and annoyed that a woman alone was ordering that.... He so remind me of my father!!!!! And I have broken many of his structures! When I was done with my food, I ordered desert and once again he was amazed! Was he thinking this porteña can eat? Isn´t she worried about her figure when she is not married as she has no wedding ring????? He cracked me up so much and I kept smiling and sending him love. Even the clients in the bar who seemed to be regular clients were telling him he never smiles and he is just unhappy! After this trip of a meal I decided to give him over 20% trip. I was committed to show him that even when he judged me and treated me weird, I would be graceful and compassionate and show him love. I think he was so surprised about my tip that he came back and smiled to me as a child with a new toy would do and say thank you. I think that made my day. He needed to be shown that there is still good in this world. Yes, I am Argentinean and I am lucky to speak English perfectly and look like American whether I am wearing my hear in its original blonde, or red, or black..... I still like supporting my people and I will always prove you wrong when you judged me and think I am this way or that way. I am just who I am - an authentic being filled with love and compassion and wanting to smile at you and make your day brighter.

Any time I am judged, I know I´ll prove you wrong... just give me time....

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Endings ... Beginnings... The Cycle of Life

As a Priestess and Magical Practitioner, I know that we are always in the never ending cycle of birth-death-rebirth. You can see this pattern in nature where plants die during the cold months but they are reborn in the spring time. Why is it so hard to let it go then? If we are aware that every ending brings a new beginning and that we are always in the continued cycle of transformation because if we are not changing and evolving, we are dead. 

Knowing this as my reality, I still struggle letting go of the past and moving on. Being a very earthy sign, security and status quo at times bring peace to me and I may stay in the state of dying and holding on to what´s dead for fear of being reborn, for fear of the unknown, for longer than I should.

During the past year, I´ve been evaluating my life and bringing transformation in different areas because I realized it was time to let go of some patterns and habits that no longer serve the person I am today. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, not even the same person I was 5 years ago. What was great then, it may be obsolete now. The lesson is to see what was, greet it and say goodbye because in holding on to those things we prevent the new to come in.

It´s also easier to complain about what is instead of changing or taking a risk. I know this to be true with me at times when I look back and I see... I complained about the same thing again and again until I was able to realize that I was just fulfilling the definition of insanity - doing the same thing and expecting a different result. If we want something different, we have to do something different. We can´t do the same thing and expect a different result. We have no control over the events in our lives but we do have control over our reactions and responses to those events. If you want a different result, respond differently. I´ve been saying I want to go home for Christmas for about 9 years now. Every year, the time comes around and I am always longing to be home and I am always saying next year I will do it. Well, this year is that year! This year is the year that I do something different instead of longing or complaining. This year is the year of ACTION. I sat enough in situations and relationships that were not fulfilling and I can´t continue that way because if I do, I will only get the same result. This is my year of change and transformation, also the year to go back to the core and find the parts of myself that I lost in the journey but that they are still part of who I am.

In what part of the cycle are you? Is there anything that needs to be released so it can be transformed? Are you holding on to things when you know it´s time to move on? 

Endings... Beginnings... This is the cycle of life.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Paddle....

Paddle... paddle.... left .... right.... don´t fall!!!!! I tried paddle board for the first time in my life yesterday and being on that board and paddling was an experience! On Friday, one of my best friends had told me that I should lay on my boat and trust... go with the flow... the boat of Isis would take me to safe destinations and I just had to trust... no matter the storm and the shake... TRUST!

Being on the board was a test for my trust! In my mind, I was like.... evaluate the worst possible situation.... falling in the lake... drowning... dying.... well I know how to swim so I can´t drawn unless my body goes into shock because of how cold the water is.... As you can imagine, I have not died as I am writing this blog now.

When I was in the water I was able to connect with this element, the Queen´s element, water and flow. I was able to jump in the water and feel the fear of falling, I was also able to stand in the board and fall and get back in the board and that gave me the trust I needed for my life. Sometimes you have to push through your fear, you have to push through all those voices that say you can´t have it, you can´t do it your way, you can´t manifest your destiny.

Feeling the flow of the lake was peaceful... it´s easier than the flow of the ocean but it is still a flow and you can connect with it and feel her power. Can you go against what´s meant to be yours? Can you go against your destiny? You CAN! The real question is DO YOU REALLY WANT TO?

You know it is yours, your destiny is yours to have and you can try ignore it, you can try look the other way but in reality, deep down in yourself you know it is yours and you can either chicken out and run away, pretend everything is ok when it is not and prentend... PRETEND... PRETEND....

I say.. JUMP! When I jumped into the lake, not falling from lack of equilibrium, but jump because I wanted to feel the thrill of the jump... the freezing cold... the adrenaline... the push!!!!! I felt alive!!!! I know the storms may be coming my way but I know I can handle the weather as long as I am true to myself... If I am authentic, I can handle everything. Paddle, paddle, paddle.... you will get to your destination. Trust! If you are true to yourself, the destination is yours to have and there is nothing wrong that can happen even when you don´t have a lifejacket!

Many blessings!

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Be an observer of life

I was driving in my car the other day while listening to Stuart Wilde´s Infinite Self recordings and he was talking about being an observer of life. This phrase really resonated with me because we are usually pretty caught up in emotions and react to everything. We live in a reactive way of life instead of accepting reality - Life just is. There is no positive or negative situation, there are just situations and we taint them with our emotions and make them either good or bad, positive or negative, happy or sad... you name the emotion but it is definitely our emotions that determine the quality of how we perceive the experiences and not the experience itself. 

Stuart kept saying that we need to let go of our ego self and just do life. For example, if you wake up one morning and your car is not there, just say to yourself "Today I am doing walking." If you are stuck in a traffic jam, just say "Today I am doing traffic." Just do life! Whatever it is put in our way, don´t react, just observe and let go of your expectation of what you need for that particular moment because it is usually our ego that had determined what the ego needs and whatever does not follow those needs is bad and creates emotions. 

This concept is easier said than done of course! This past week, I was just trying to do life. Yes, a friend may be acting stupid so I would say... today I am doing stupid so and so. The air conditioning in my house broke down so that day I did overheating and trying to stay cool that day. The door in the shower broke so I was doing towel to prevent water to come out. It was interesting to realize how much I react to life instead of just accepting what it is.... we can not change the events in our lives but we can definitely change our responses to those events. If something makes you really angry, stop and think why are you getting so angry? Can you just do life? Can you just accept that it is what it is and move on? We spend a lot of energy reacting and getting emotional but we are not our emotions, we are divine beings, we are sacred. 

We also spend a lot of energy trying to change others into what our expectations of them are. Why would we expect so and so to do something different when he or she has always done the same? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. When we don´t get that result, we get angry, depressed, sad, or any other emotion you may have. 

It´s time we become an observer of life and not a reactive monkey trying to control situations or people to meet our ego expectations. They are who they are. Life is what it is. Just accept it and let go of your need so you will become and observer of life and have more energy to manifest your reality instead of leaking it in unnecessary emotions.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Speed

Have you ever had the feeling that you want to go away... far far away? When you look around and everything is collapsing like The Tower Card in the tarot and you don´t know where to go, you find yourself in your car driving to no destination, trying to figure out if you want to crash with the car in front of you and press the reset botton, start again in this learning planet or move on. Wondering why you don´t have your passport in your car.... where can you go? Who can take you in when you feel you are sinking in despair and you need somebody to hug you and say everything will be ok?

We all have those days, I had one of those myself and I remember the song from Nine Inch Nails "The Fragile" playing in the background while I was driving..... I was at that point where I was ready to let go and the voice in the stereo came up and all I could hear was "There is no place I can go, there is no place I can hide... I will not let you fall apart." I know I did not fall apart, just returned home and live another day but it was such a pivotal point in my life when I could find myself with nowhere to go, nobody to go to and feel totally alone but not lonely. For the first time in my life, I understood what my friend and priestess says when she tells me we are never ever alone. 

These are the times when you hit the bottom of the cauldron and you are ready to be reborn. Where did we go wrong? Why do we look at our lives and feel like we should have taken another turn? The direction we are going seems uncertain, seems dangerous and very scary. All you built is collapsing in front of your eyes like domino towers and you wonder if you will be safe. Will you be ok? 

One thing I know as a Priestess is that the Goddess never leaves you alone and she does not give you any lesson you can not face. You just have to man up... like they say... or woman up.... and jump! Like the Fool in the tarot, it´s time to drift, it´s time to let go of fear and go down the cliff because what´s waiting on the other side is worth it. Fear is just fantasized events appearing real.... once you push through fear of the unknown and all the what if´s, a bright sun is waiting on the other side. You just have to go through labor.... in the end, you are rebirthing yourself into the person you were meant to be not the one they want you to be.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Who are you?

Remember..... remember..... remember...... Who are you? You can say you are a mother... you are a sister.... you are a worker.... you are.... That´s just your role in life but who are you? Who are you deep in your core? Who drives you?? What drives you?? It is important to be able to determine if you are in the driver seat of your life or you are just  a simple passenger letting life happen to you. Who are you? That´s such a big question and only the brave and courageous are able to respond that with an honest heart and not resort to their roles in life.

Who are you? I am a Priestess.... That´s  my role. Yes! You figured it out! It´s hard to describe yourself without resorting to your roles in life.  You can say you are .... but who are you really? I remember the movie Anger Manager when Jack Nicholson is asking this specific question to Adam Sandler and he describes his roles in life.... he can´t get to the core. What´s your core?

In the past, I have quoted movies like Rise of the Guardians where Jack Frost is trying to find who he is. Is he snow? Is he cold? What is he? I think the world did not end in 2012 but we have died to one part of ourselves. We died to the part of ourselves that is not connected to who we are. We have died to our masks. We have let go to the non-essential. WHO ARE YOU? As I mentioned in previous blogs, I am Carolina Amalia Amor. That´s who I am. I am a woman who lives in integrity, she believes in manifesting her own reality and making her dreams come true. She knows her purpose is to be  one of unconditional love because her last name is Love and we can´t limit love to one or two.... We have to be loving and respectful to all. This is a prime question and I invite you to meditate on what it means for you. What is this questions stirring? Who Are You? Can you define yourself without your roles? Can you go deep down to your core?

Who are you? That´s the question....


Many Blessings,

Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

What´s in the name?

Carolina Amalia Amor.... Doesn´t it sound nice? Who would change her name when her last name means love? Me, me, me!!!!!! Yep, you read this right. Ten years ago, when I got married, I decided to take my husband´s last name - Boggs. I was following my country´s tradition of taking the husband´s name when you get married instead of deciding to remain Amor. I still remember my dad telling me.... you are a Boggs now, Amor no more! That was shocking for me at the time but I was happily married and it was the tradition to take a husband´s name so why would I break the tradition? I had already broken so many rules by being a witch in a Catholic family and not getting married in the church so why wouldn´t  I follow at least one tradition and take my husband´s name? 

When I arrived in Miami with my secret envelope from the embassy, I remember the officer telling me I had to go to this office at the end of the hall and I was like... darn it... I knew it, there was something weird in this envelope they gave me and told me not to open, lol! I was only 23 years old and I was so scared! I spoke the language but I was so shy and so small at the time. I remember the lady that did my fingerprints and completed my paper telling me when she saw my papers... oh you are keeping your Amor name, that´s such a nice name! Little did I know that she was an angel in my path trying to warn me that I would regret changing my name many years later. 

When I went to the social security office, I still remember the lady in the office tearing the paper in pieces when I signed Amor and saying "You are not that one anymore, sign your new name." Those words will remain in my mind forever because I was still that one... I was very much that one.... but in order to fit in, in order to blend, I took a different name so I would not stand out. People would not even realize I was Latin, I look pretty much American with my blonde hair, white skin and green eyes. 

When I became an American citizen was the first time I was fully Carolina Boggs and no hint of Amor anymore. The only place that I had my maiden name was my green card and I had to give that one away when I went to the ceremony and they told me "You are not an Alien anymore". Really? But I do come from another planet, lol!!!!!!  If I look at my American herstory, I can see it is filled with I am not that..... you fill it... You are not Amor anymore... You are not an Alien anymore..... You are not.....

It is time to break this pattern and claim who I really am. Now I´ve been living in this country for 10 years and during those 10 years I have become a strong and powerful woman that knows the power of names and she is ready to claim her own. I am ready to go to court and get my maiden name back if that´s what it takes because I am definitely Carolina Amalia Amor and I am very proud of my name. It shows my roots, it shows my nationality, it shows my core.

One of my coworkers is getting married and she is taking her husband´s name... When I heard this, I was like - are you sure? And she was totally sure she wanted to take that name. I still wonder why we women are so eager to get rid of our own essence and name and use our husbands´. I know I was very young when I got married and I did not think how important my own name was. Now looking back, I know that if I would ever be to get married again, I would not take anybody´s name because mine is perfect. This is who I am. This is my essence and my family tree. Names have power. Do you know the power of your name? 

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

The Detonator

Last week, I was presenting in The Goddess Temple of Orange County about the Queen and Leadership and as I was talking about different things, I reached a point in the presentation when I felt I could not remember the word I wanted to use to describe a catalyst and the word detonator came up instead. I remember seeing the faces of the women lit up when that word was spoken. It really resonated with most of us because we all know those people who come to our lives and they create havoc, those who detonate the situations that are meant to help us grow and evolve. At the time when the detonator goes off, the world seems to collapse and what you knew before no longer serves you. Pieces fly in the air and you try to hold on for dear life because life as you knew it is gone. Like the Tower card in the tarot, the detonator works like the lighting bolt coming down from heaven crashing everything on its way down.

Do you know anybody in your life that has come and demolished your foundations? They come in many forms and shapes. Sometimes we can see them coming from afar but we allow them to be in our lives because we know they will bring great transformation and they will allow us to have those lessons we signed up for when we incarnated in this planet. Sometimes they take us by surprise and we experience great shock when the detonator goes off. The detonator can be a person or a situation that pushes us to reevaluate our core principles and either stand strong for what we believe or change our paradigm to match our new vibration. They are just there to be the channel for transformation in our path.

At times, when we see the detonator, we may try to diffuse it if we don´t want it to go off. We try to hide it or not look at it but in doing so, we are just preventing the course of action and sooner or later the bomb will go off and you will not be able to contain the transformational power of change. The detonator is there to rock your boat, to help you get used to change and the unknown, to create fear that can be transmuted to power once we come out the other side.

We can all be a detonator for others. I know I am one in many areas of my life. I am the one that brews the stew within. I take a lot of time thinking and evaluating options but when I have made up my mind, I definitely detonate. I am the one that wakes up one day after months of meditation and changes the course of action in one second. Actually that´s what others see, they see the instant change but they do not realize that the change has been cooking for a long time  and now they see the reaction. I remember many years ago when I was studying to become an English Teacher and one day, I woke up and told my parents I was not going to continue going to university. That was it... done. My dad was in state of shock because he couldn´t understand and I know I rocked his foundation at that time (as many other times lol). He had not seen it coming but it was there all along and I had evaluated all the options and made the decision that was best for me. I usually don´t incorporate others in my evaluation process and they just see the end result so they think I changed from one day to the other. When I make up my mind, there is no going back. I know this situation has detonated issues in others who all of the sudden see a different person in me. Can you recall a time when you were a detonator for others?

I am grateful for all the detonators in my life because they have made me who I am. If all is love and light, there wouldn´t be a chance to experience our strength and power. Next time you find a detonator in your life, be grateful because they will help you grow and become a better you even though at the time of explosion it seems like it is the end of the world.

Many blessings,
Lady Carolina Amor
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

What is a deal breaker for you?

Hollywood flowers or a long conversation? Have you bought into the glamour of love instead of knowing what is really important for you and what a deal breaker is in a relationship? They tell us they have to bring us flowers, chocolates, jewelry.... you name it.... we are exposed to endless stories of what love is about but in our hearts we know that´s fake. That´s just a hallmark card of what love is about. It is not the real definition of love. Trust me... for somebody whose last name is love yep Carolina Amor.... I know what is to buy into the fake reality of love instead of really drilling what´s important in a relationship.

The other day, I was talking to Ava Park during our Queen Counsel session and she brought this to my attention. She asked me if I really knew what was essential for me in a relationship and what would be a good to have but we can live without. Being an Enneagram # 2, I usually focus on what I don´t have in the relationship instead of looking at what is there and the good parts of what the other person is doing to show me that he or she loves me. For example, if I am sick, is my partner bringing me food and taking care of my needs or is he acting as if nothing happens and ignores my needs? I think I feel loved when my partner brings me a cup of soup when I am in bed and I feel very sick.

One thing that is essential for me is that my partner listens to me and when I say listen, I mean active listening. I need to feel that the other person is engaged in the conversation and that I am not making a monologue where I am just talking and there is no interaction. When I feel I am not being listened or that the conversation is not interesting for the other person, I shut down because I feel I am talking to the wall and for that, I have no desire of talking.

My partner also needs to support me in my role as a Priestess and in my spirituality. I could not be with somebody who judges me or does not support me in my spiritual path. Being a Priestess is one of the most important roles in my life and if my partner does not support that, then I think that´s a serious deal breaker. I don´t think I am one that could be in the closet with my spirituality. If you come to my house, you see my house is a Temple. Goddess statues everywhere, tarot decks, symbols, drums.... you name it. You can definitely feel the Goddess energy in my house and I would not be able to live or be with somebody who does not respect or support that.

Being a woman who has a lot of planets in the element Earth in her natal chart and lived most of her life from an overgiving mother role, my partner needs to be one that motivates me to go on adventures. He has to be one that will bring out the Maiden Queen out and helps me leave behind my rigid structure and allows me to have fun. He has to be one that is not scared of going hiking in the woods or walking under the moon. He has to be one when I am feeling down because I am buried with responsibilities from work, home, my communities and all areas in my life I am responsible for, he tells me to go for an adventure and forget it all for a little bit. He is also the one that tells me to snap out of it and be the Queen I am when I am having a victim mentality moment.

I know flowers are amazing, I love chocolates, and I am passionate about cards because I enjoy reading them when I am feeling a little sad but I know these things are not the essential things I need in my relationship. They are great to have but if they are missing, it is ok because if I have a partner who supports me, listens to me, cares about me, is there for the good times and the times when I am not in my best behavior, helps me grow and makes me think, he is kind and protects me, I think I have it all at that point. I know what my deal-breakers are, do you know what is a deal breaker for you?

Many blessings,
Lady Carolina

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

www.circulodeisis.org

Member of the Archdruid Union

https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union

Founder of Tienda Roja

https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/