It all starts with You!

Nobody puts baby in the corner! I couldn´t help but start with this phrase from Dirty Dancing, one of my favorite movies from all time, because it does mean so much. It´s just a simple phrase, a simple scene but it contains a lot of meaning. Do you put yourself in the corner? Do you let others treat you in an unfair way? Do you allow others to take your light? Are you dimming yourself so you don´t look as bright to others? Do you believe in yourself to stand tall and speak your truth? When I hear that phrase, I think of all those times when I put myself in the corner of life and I did not allow myself to shine brightly because I did not want to be the center, I did not want to call anybody´s attention, I just wanted to be the wallflower in the background and not be noticed by anybody.

I also noticed this pattern in my relationships where I was able to tolerate certain behaviors that I would not tolerate today. I once heard that we will only tolerate as much pain from others as we are able to inflict to ourselves. I know this to be true. Looking back at the relationships in my life I can see the people who were in my life just to take, they were there because I would easily give to them and fulfill their needs but they did not care about me in any level. I can also see those who treated me badly or were rude and I was not able to stand up and say "hey, you don´t speak to me like that, that´s not okay." I would just ignore the words or pretend they were not there. Just look at the other side and deny reality because if I saw this person for who that person was, I would see an abusive human being who is treating me the way I just treat myself because deep within you think you deserve to be treated that way.

Today, with the Full Moon in Virgo, I start seeing that the past is the past and I can not modify it. The relationships and situations that have brought me pain can only be healed by changing my present moment decisions and in those decisions I build the foundation for my future. It begins with me not accepting people treating me in a bad way, dimming my light so they can shine brighter, putting me down or just being disrespectful to me. I also don´t want any more people who are just in my life to take advantage of me in any way. I want people that are there to share the journey of life with me, that will support me and allow me to grow, those who will show me the areas I can work on and also be grateful for all those things I give to them because relationships are a give and take, they are a mutual and reciprocal partnerships. No part needs to give more than the other but there needs to be balance and harmony between giving and receiving so the partnership can grow stronger. If one gives less all the time, the partnership erodes while if one partner gives all, he or she will just burn out and resent the other. We can change our future by changing our present and not allowing unhealthy patterns to continue. We have the power to modify our destiny and to reroute our ship. We are on the driver seats of our lives.

If you are evaluating your relationships and your life today, just know it all starts with You! Make your present what you want it to be. Don´t allow others to spoil your happiness moments and just live from the heart. As you resonate with your own song, your tribe will find you. Just be authentic and honest. It all starts with You!

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Pantheacon 2015 - a healing experience

Three times a charm... Yes, I finally made it to Pantheacon and it was a healing experience. Somehow, before this year, Pantheacon was associated with some dreading experiences such as participating in a controversial women only ritual where transgender women were denied entrance.... or losing the friendship of people I thought were my friends but were not there when I needed them them most.

As you can imagine, it was with hesitation that I got into my car to begin my journey to San Jose. Fear stoke me as I faced the possibility of finding people I may not want to see there as well as the anxiety of the unknown. I knew what classes and events I wanted to attend and I would not let any energy get in my way of getting to those events.

I arrived in my hotel early Friday afternoon and I was able to check in! I left my things there and I couldn´t help but noticed that it was pretty warm and I was not dressed properly with my warrior boots but then after a second I said... yes... I am dressed well! The Maiden Queen in me was smiling and saying let´s go with warrior boots, skirt and power to punch above the waistline! 

I waited for the shuttle for a few minutes when I decided I would walk to the Double Tree Hotel. The lady in the front desk said it was close by so I would just start walking. I put the address in my phone and started walking... yep! I am that type of lady with the gps on the phone guiding her as she walks. I did not need a GPS thought... I could follow my crowd!!! We pagans are easy to spot these days, thank Goddess we don´t need to hide or fear that we will get killed for our beliefs like in the past. 

I arrived at the Double Tree Hotel after following a few people and that´s when the fun began. I felt like when I was in Universal Studios, all by myself, deciding what attractions I wanted to partake at that time. Even though I was by myself, I never felt lonely. There were plenty of people I knew and I felt really supported.

The events I chose to participate were great and met my expectations. I was impressed by The Rite of the Grand Convergence by Black Rose Witchcraft. I enjoyed witnessing this rite as it is very different from the Egyptian rites we practice when I attend the Convocations or the Symposiums under the Temple of Isis and the Fellowship of Isis. 

I also experienced my first Pomba Gira and I had a wonderful partner for that ritual! Thank you Iris! The dancing, the energy, the songs, the drumming were just out of this world. It took me a couple of hours to fall asleep after such a ritual but I wouldn´t have missed it for anything in this world.

Overall, I had a great time there and I am looking forward to being part of that event again. They say you are healed when you have no more feelings about people or situations when you are faced with them. I can say I am healed now! Thank you Pantheacon 2015!

Blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Goddess/High Priestess/Magician/Lighthouse ... I am

It seems like yesterday when I sat in front of the computer to write a blog and now I realized over two months have passed! December was here and gone before I could say Happy Holidays! My trip to Buenos Aires taught me several things but one of the most important lessons I learned was to accept that it is what it is. Sometimes we want to do certain things or we think people will act in a certain way and then they don´t. Those are the times we get disappointed and the reason behind our disappointment is that we have placed expectations that were not satisfied but those expectations were not reality, they were just expectations and in those moments we need to let go and accept reality as is with total understanding that we can not make people or situations be the way we wanted them to be, we can only change the way we behave and choose better in the future.

January brought some memories of past experiences, adjustment to change and the realization that at times there is a disconnect between my intuition and my rational mind and that is also represented in my Hashimoto´s disease where my body is killing the thyroid hormone it produces because it can´t recognize that it´s not a virus. How many times have I ignored the red flags... how many times my intuition said .... wake up!!!! feel!!!! this is true!! you feel it in your gut!!! And instead of listening, I just kept going, I rationalized it and kept going.

Today, I found myself in a state of transformation. I changed my hair color from black to red... what is my father going to say now??? I am still a Priestess of Isis but I don´t have black hair. Well, he could say.. She is a Priestess of Sekhmet and she has red hair LOL. I am also re-evaluating my relationships and how I spend my time. I am 100% responsible of my choices of people, situations and places that are part of my life. I am becoming very selective as time is money and I have several projects that need my time and energy to come to fruition. I don´t want drama, I don´t want distractions, I am focused on the end result and I know I am magick. I don´t do magick, I am magick. I believe in myself to manifest my reality. I will not spend energy in the past or the future but I will be living in the present and allowing myself to make decisions based on how I feel in the present moment. I will listen to my intuition and know that if I feel it is real and I need to act accordingly, no validation needed.

Last year was a compost year, this year I am ready to be reborn. I move passed my divorce and my grieving phase and now I am really do get back in the world as the woman I am. I am a Goddess, a High Priestess, a Magician and a Lighthouse. I know who I am and what I want. Do you know who you are? Share if you do!

Many blessings,

Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org

Victim or Victor?

Oh no.... Everything happens to me!!! Why???? I am so lonely!!! I don´t have enough money.... my coworker got the promotion that was supposed to be mine... nobody likes me .... Have you ever heard any of these phrases? These are examples of victim behavior and this behavior is a choice. The opposite side of this coin is the one that even though they face adversity, they are still happy and moving forward because they feel they have conquered a fear or a situation they thought they may not be able to deal with. I was introduced to the equation E+R=O (event+response=outcome) a few years ago. This equation can help us move from a place of victimhood to a place of victory. We are not able to control the events in our lives but we are able to control our responses to those events and those responses shape our outcomes. 

If the universe sends you a challenging situation, you can choose to accept it as "it is what it is" and try to find the best solution possible or you can cry over spilt milk. The decision is yours. We always have a choice. 

We are the architects of our own lives. We co-create the reality we live in with the Divine. If you do not like what you see in your life, you can change it. You have the tools and are able to shift your reality but it takes for you to get out of the victim role and step into the victor role. When we feel that the universe is against us, we feel lonely, abandoned and with no hope, we need to look around and and see what areas of our lives we need to change so we can vibrate at a higher level and let go of those blocks. Positive energy attracts positive energy. You may need to end some relationships or shift the dynamics in them. You may need to change jobs. You may need to move. One thing is certain, we need to get out of being a victim and sit on the driver seat of our lives. 

We can´t let others or situations determine our happiness level. It´s our job to change our responses so our outcomes are different. No matter how much you cry to others or talk about how bad things are, nothing is going to change until you choose a different response.

Are you a victim or victor?

Many blessings,

Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Adventures of the Maiden Queen - Part I

Hollywood!!!!!!! Do I hear somebody say Universal Studios Hollywood? Yes, it is true! Two weeks ago, I embarked myself in a journey with my own best friend - me! I am usually one that plans everything and knows what she will be doing till December next year... not kidding! I have a busy schedule and I do plan ahead of time but this time, the universe conspired for me to get into my Maiden self and my Queen was able to manifest it.

My Priestess sister was having her tribe performing a ritual at the Goddess Temple of Orange County so I decided I had to be there. In the beginning I thought about spending the whole day at the Temple but as the planning phase progressed, I found myself buying a ticket to Universal Studios and planning a trip there as well! There was a part of me that was saying all work and no play makes Carolina a dull girl... I am a Priestess 24/7 and a Compliance Officer 40 plus hours a week so it was time to have some fun. Some people get scared about doing things like this one their own but I found myself in the most exciting adventure ever.

It´s started at 5 am on Friday morning when I was observing the magic of the Full moon from the bedroom window. I knew magic was in the air when I saw the rays on my face and my pillow. Then I checked my cell phone and I saw my essay had been accepted for a book that will be published next year! I prepared my bags and got in the car with my coffee, some good music and my GPS. There was some traffic but I was able to "do traffic" and get to 5 in one hour. I have done this trip so many times I almost know the different landmarks that tell me when I am getting to the forever 30 minute drive! Yes, so many things change but LA traffic never does! You can count on hitting traffic no matter what time you get there.

My goals for the trip were to eat some Argentinean food, to have sushi in my favorite place, to have a massage, to go to Universal Studios and to attend the Honey Blood Priestesses ritual. The rest was left for the universe to decide! I also had specific rides I wanted to try at Universal Studios and then I would just go with the flow. As I got to LA, I decided not to stop in the Argentinean restaurant that was close to the LA office I work for and instead keep going and go to the one that was 10 minutes from Irvine. As I got to the restaurant at 2:30 pm, the host greeted me and informed me I barely made it. I was confused by this situation as the Yelp Goddess said they were opened from 8 am to 9 pm so I wonder whether I should tell them they should update their website. I would not have gone there if I had known they would be closing in 30 minutes! Besides, the place was empty!! I was the one and only guest so I got all the attention. Not only the server did not believe I was from Argentina (I guess I look very American these days), he was also flirting with me and gave me the stink eye when I ordered tons of food. I looked at him and I said "I know it´s a lot of food but I am here to try a bit of everything and I´ll take the rest in a box." Besides, this lady can eat dude! As the meal progressed, he kept making small talk and that´s when I found out that there was a Deli next door and the Deli was opened 8 am to 9 pm!!! Well, I was there dressed from my road trip and ordering a lot of food... felt like pretty woman in Beverly Hills! After my meal, I went to the deli where I found my favorite chocolates and I bought the whole box. I was in paradise! This trip was already feeling very healing.

I got to the hotel, unpacked and went for my massage. Then I went to my favorite Sushi restaurant, sushi Imari, and I waited for over 40 minutes but I was determined to eat there. As I waited, I noticed I was the only person there who was a party of 1. This was surprising but the most surprising part was that I was not feeling lonely. I had an amazing dinner and went back to the hotel where I had my bubble bath and relaxed. 

On Saturday morning, I departed early to Hollywood as it is 55 minutes away from Irvine with no traffic... ha ha ha. They should avoid quoting the no traffic times as there is always traffic! It´s the only guaranteed! As I was driving to Universal Studios, I looked at the right and I see the Hollywood sign... yes, I´ve lived in the US in California for over 10 years and never seen the Hollywood sign! It was exciting as I felt like I was in the movies or some of my favorite shows. The emotion did not stop there because Universal Studios was filled with all the magic of movies and television. I felt like a pop star. I had goose bumps as I got into some rides and the whole experience was really fascinating. Not only I got to be in the front row for most of the rides, I also appreciated being alone there as they had single rider lines!!!! The whole trip was amazing and gave me a feeling of empowerment and freedom. I did embody the Maiden Queen all weekend long by not fearing adventure and just exploring and having fun. I know this is not the last one so this is the Adventures of the Maiden Queen - Part I. Stay tuned! More adventures to come!

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

You need to come apart to come together again...

Humpty Dumpty sat on a Wall....

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...

All the king´s horses and all the king´s men

Couldn´t put humpty dumpty together again.

Why would the king´s horses and men put humpty dumpty together again???? Of course they can´t! It´s not their job to put other people together because that´s our personal journey. We can not expect others to come help us, come rescue us, come get us out of the dark because it is our inner lesson. I think I did not realize how hard I would fall when I jumped but looking back, I know it was always better jumping than staying stagnant with the energy brewing in the bog.  

I would not lie, there are moments one may feel it´s better to stay as is instead of going through the ordeal of the emotions, the memories, the broken dreams. Is it better to settle for less than being alone? I don´t think so. I think I have settled for less many times in my life and that´s not ok but fears pop up and make us wonder, make us second guess ourselves and think that we should be giving another chance... maybe this time this person changes... maybe this time is different.... maybe I did not see things right... so many maybes and so many options to second doubt what intuition tells us.

It took me two years to jump off the board at the pool but once I jumped, I felt amazing... I was able to let go the fear and do it anyways! When I started my divorce papers on Valentine´s Day last year, I felt fear but I decided to love myself more than staying in a relationship that made me feel lonely even when I was married after 10 years. It´s hard to realize that things we thought were ok or we were trying to convince ourselves were ok are not and it´s time to make a decision. It may take me a long time but in the end I will jump, I will move towards what´s best for me leaving behind those things that don´t serve me anymore. It is necessary to come apart so we can come together again... whole and complete. Don´t fear the break as it brings transformations and it will pull you closer to who you are meant to be.

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Poison Moon

No matter how strong you are, there are times you find yourself weak and vulnerable. In that vulnerability you find your new strength because as my mother used to say, Goddess does not put anything in your path that you are not able to handle. The lessons are there for you to learn and move to the next level if you choose to do so. You can deny the lesson or ignore it but it would come up again and again until you decide it´s time to face it. As Theseus entering the labyrinth, only the brave are open to sit in the darkness of the soul and battle their demons.

Tonight, I found myself in deep darkness grieving the lost relationships, the lost opportunities, the dreams that did not come to be and the illusions that blinded me until I saw reality as it is and my tower came crashing to the ground. As lies and relationships based on shaky ground collapse, I can´t help but feel unsettled. So much loss, so much  pain, so much grieve. At times I wonder if I can get out of the center of the labyrinth that I´ve been experiencing for the past year. 

I know I am strong and I know my demons are too but they are my creations and I have power over them. I can be like Theseus and slay the Minotaurus of my soul so I can regain the power enclosed in those fears and illusions that have kept me from moving forward and living my life as it is meant to be. 

Talking to a friend, she told me "If you are strong to go through divorce, you can go through anything" and I thought, she may be right and I don´t realize how strong I am when I sink in the darkness of my soul. I don´t see the previous experiences that support me going through another round of punches and collapse until I see Sun again.

Another friend told me ... "I would try and make you feel better but this full moon is a poison moon and it is meant to be a detox moon. You need to go through this pain and let it all out, get it out of the system and make space for the new." 

Both of my friends were right, I know I can go through this one more time and I can slay this Minotaurus. I can detox during this poison moon and come out stronger than before because the future is bright and the choices of today make my tomorrow. Today, I sit in darkness and let it go, purge it through my system as I move forward so this eclipse can help me cut those things that don´t serve anymore.

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/