Going back into the dark

When we start paying attention to all the symbols in our lives, we discover many interesting things. As most of you know, I am leaving for Buenos Aires next week and as I started meditating on my trip, I noticed that this trip will allow me to go back into the dark part of the year because the southern hemisphere is now moving from Samhain to Winter Solstice. That´s the time to spiral down to the bottom of the cauldron and transform those things that do not serve you anymore. It is also a time when we can sit in the great black void of creation, the field of pure potentiality where we can vision the dreams we want to manifest. 

2012 is a year of big transformation for me in many areas of my life. I feel I have been reborn since I started to study with Ava Park and her Queen Teachings. Those teachings have helped me make a big leap from the woman I used to be - that overgiving mother - to the woman I am now - a Beloved Queen and Visionary Priestess. The discovery of the Enneagram Personality Types and how to use them in my life has also provided me with tools of self discovery and self evaluation (Thank you Ava - once again!). Little by little, as I walk in this journey I discover who I really am and let go of the conditionings that society, traditions, and family have placed on me since I was born. Every time we are reborn, we need a gestation period and I think my going back into the dark is the time to gestate and finally sealed the new me that has been growing and evolving since October last year.

My trip also falls within two Eclipses. First, the Gemini Solar Eclipse that will take place tomorrow, May 20. Then, the Sagittarius Lunar Eclipse that will take place on June 4. Eclipses are very powerful Moons that allow us to once again look within and cut those things that are no longer needed. The Gemini Solar Eclipse talks about dissolving our old programs and pathways to create new templates and archetypes. This Moon helps us let go of our fears so we can create the life we want. What areas in your life you feel you are comfortable but not happy? Where do you feel you need to follow your heart and not your head? Do you feel some structures in your life are outdated and they don´t reflect who you are today? Remember: "You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you´ll discover will be wonderful. What you´ll discover is yourself." (Alan Alda)

The Sagittarius Lunar Eclipse is asking us to look at our lives and find those areas that are true for us; peel the layers of conditioning and see reality with our hearts. It is the time to integrate our head and heart, our spirit and matter, the masculine and feminine within us. Think what is important for you now and follow your heart. What does your heart need now? What are your priorities? Are those priorities based on fear? Based on conditioning? Based on rules that are not even yours?

During the next two weeks, we are given the opportunity to reconfigure our lives so we can manifest our reality and vision our lives. Take advantage of the extra energy that will go around so you can use it to create your future. 

Many blessings,

Carolina

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Notes:

Ava Park Queen Teachings: http://goddesstempleoforangecounty.com/

Enneagram Types: Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson 

The Universe Knows

When I attended my first Queen Convocation with Ava Park last October, I thought that was the milestone in my life, that was the moment where I could see the before and after, that was the moment when I got the makeover for my inner self. Two days ago, I had the opportunity to attend another Convocation with Ava Park and once again, the blueprint of my life changed.

During this convocation we touched on different topics but the one phrase that resonated with me was when Ava talked about our jobs and our money and how the universe knows and if we are not able to manage our current job, the universe will not give us another. If we are not able to administer the money we have today, the universe will not give us more. We have to probe we can do a good job to get our dream job and the only job we really have is to walk in our lives as Priestess Queens treating everyone with respect and being the Queen of our own Realms. This really resonated with me because it is much easier to complain about our jobs, complain about our money, complain about our relationships instead of trying to do our best and then visioning our future for the better while living in the present moment. What we focus on, we attract more. If we live complaining, we will attract more of what we are complaining about. If we do our best, we will attract what we are best at . The Universe knows.

If you have a chance to attend a Convocation with Ava Park or participate in her Queen Counsel Program, you will not be disappointed. I think these teaching are priceless and Ava is an amazing teacher and mentor. I highly recommend these teachings to any woman that is really serious about being the woman she was meant to be and break out of the conditioning and structure society has placed on us.

I know there is a before and after! Now, I know it was not a before and after my first Queen Convocation, but a before and after Ava Park entered my life. Thank you Ava for bringing these teachings to me and I am deeply grateful the Goddess has crossed our paths and I got to meet you in person.

I am in my journey, walking my path as a Priestess Queen. The universe knows....

Many Blessings,

Carolina

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Strengthening the patience muscle

This week was Pema Chodron´s turn to ride the Royal Express with me. If you know who Pema is, you may be wondering how I got a Tibetan nun to ride with me in my car. Well, let me explain... As I mentioned in previous blogs, I have started listening to books on CD during the past month, and this week was Pema´s turn with "Don´t bite the hook: finding freedom from Anger, Resentment and other Destructive Emotions". Synchronicity is the work of the Goddess and needless to say this is not the first time I experience it but it never ceases to amaze me.  I was listening to this audio book while driving to meet with my Goddess sisters for dinner yesterday and as Pema was describing how human beings have the ability to get bothered and that we need to develop the patience muscle, I got stuck in traffic. Yes... this is a very irritating experience for almost everyone but at the time I was hitting the traffic jam, Pema started talking about how we can work on strengthening the patience muscle in traffic jams... oh yes!!! She was riding the Royal Express with me at that moment. As she went on to describe how people get irritated and angry when they get stuck in traffic and how it is much simpler to just let go of those emotions and just relax, listen to music or even start looking at how other people are reacting to the traffic jam and make the connection. In doing so, we are practicing patience and if we practice patience in small events like this one, we will be better prepared when we are faced with really stressful situations.

She was also describing how people react to experiences differently. She said that once she was in a spiritual retreat and she was sitting listening to a speaker when a mud brick hit her head. The person who was sitting on her right started complaining that kids should not be throwing things at people, that they should go to the officials and have them do something - this person got all hooked up with the angry emotions. The person on her left, on the other hand, said that it was said that if you get hit on the head while in a retreat you may reach enlightenment. Two people, one situation, two different outcomes. This story reminded me of the equation I learned many years ago that says E+R=O (Event+Reaction=Outcome). We can not change the events that we face in our lives but we can definitely change our reactions to those events so we can modify our outcome. If we get angry when faced with challenges, the outcome may be very different from what it could be if we just let go of emotion and go with the flow like water.

We get to decide how we want to react to events in life. Do we want to be the ones that people fear will always blow up? Do we want to make people feel safe around us or scared we are going to throw a tantrum? We can always change our reaction and it is up to us whether a spark will turn into a big fire or it will just be a spark. Choose to strengthen your patience muscles and lower your ability to be bothered by situations in your life. By doing so, you will be prepared to face whatever comes your way and do it graciously.

Many blessings,

Carolina
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Yesterday

Yesterday I had the strength to stand against the world, to face my life with courage and passion, to speak my truth and be strong. Today, I find myself weak and struggling, is what I saw yesterday not true after all? Was that spark just a spark to get me started or it was the real thing? Sometimes it gets the time to face our demons, it gets the time to face our fears and see whether we can strong or just collapse like a castle made out of poker cards.

Life always present us challenges and if we get stuck in the past, it is hard for us to be in the now moment. When I think about the past, I can see moments when I was very high and moments where I was very low. Times of strength and times of weakness. Times of passion and times of just status quo. Life is just a rainbow of emotions and we can go high, we can go low, we can go one side or the other but in the end it´s whether we stay stuck in the past or we can move on.

The past will not make us strong but it will provide a foundation for us to walk on. It will provide a structure that we can break if we wish to or stay the same. The past is just the past, whether it is amazing or it is just plain vainilla, it´s the past. The present moment is what is real now. I feel like my past was filled with fairy tales and amazing stories but that´s the past. It is time to move on, to live in the present and realize that life goes on. That what it felt amazing once now may be ok, or below expectations. It is time to define the future and draft the vision because without a vision, the Queen within myself has no realm to rule. She wants a vision for the now moment where she is appreciated and loved as a Loved Queen and a Visionary Priestess. She wants to feel appreciated, valued, loved and respected.

Yesterday is just a day away. The now moment is reality. Don´t live in the past because the past is gone, the future is not here yet, so NOW is the time to live in. Today is the day to make it true. Live in the now moment and don´t linger in the past since it can not be changed.

Many Blessings,

Carolina
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I attended a Compliance and Legal Conference in San Francisco last week and during that conference one thing that really resonated with me was when the presenter, a well known lawyer, said "When you work with a client, you have to know the good, the bad and the ugly." This phrase did not spark anything in me on the legal realm but it did in a more spiritual level. After the conference, I kept thinking... when we work with ourselves, do we allow ourselves to see the good, the bad and the ugly? How many times do we self-deny parts of ourselves? And here I am not talking about the ugly only because it is easy to see ourselves looking the other way when a shadow aspect of ourselves is screaming for attention. Here I am talking about the good in us as well, do you find yourself acknowledging those areas you do well? Do you find yourself always looking at the negative and never acknowledging the positive in you? It is easier to say... I am not good at cooking, I am not good at drawing, I am not good at public speaking; but when it comes to say I am a good writer, or I am beautiful, or I am intelligent, do you find resistance within yourself? Can you take a compliment without having to explain anything - just say thank you? How many times somebody says "oh you look really beautiful today" and we go into the mode of explaining "thank you, I got this new sweater for x dollar amount"? 

In order to grow and evolve in this lifetime, we need to be able to look at the good, the bad and the ugly. When it comes to the bad and the ugly, we don´t need to bang our heads to the wall or hit ourselves in the head; we just need the will to look in the mirror and accept those parts of ourselves that may not be as pretty or as charming but they still hold part of our essence and our energies. Those parts are the ones that hold the power because we utilize so much of our energy in keeping them hidden or in the dark. If we spent less time holding those in the dark, we would have more energy to see them for what they are - emotions or habits - and let them go. I like the phrase that I read a few weeks ago in one of my Enneagram books that said "Just observe and let go" because we can get tangled in the ugly, we can get depressed, we can get angry, but if we just say "yes, this is part of me... and move on" you can free the energy and use that energy for something else that may need more attention than the ugly monster in the closet.

I invite you to take some time and meditate on these questions. Do you feel like you can see the good, the bad and the ugly in yourself? What about in others? There should be no judgement on yourself or others, just awareness and acceptance because in order to be a whole individual, healthy and harmonious, we need to be able to face the mirror and accept the good in the same way we accept the bad and the ugly. They are all parts of us. Neither of them more important than the other. Take the challenge and accept yourself fully as you are! You are Divine.

Many blessings,

Carolina )0(

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Boiling Water.....

Do you ever get those moments when something sets you off and the fire starts burning and you feel you are about to blow up? All you can think is "Off with their heads!!!!" Yes, I am a very passionate woman and hot Latin blood runs through my veins. I have many times when somebody says something that sets me off or the person cuts in front of me on the road. Yes, we all have experienced the person that knows how to push the buttons and get us all fired up. Since I started working with Ava Park and her Queen Teachings, one of my goals has been to move from a reactionary place to a non-reactionary place. The Queen is not fiery, she is water, she is cool, she is a visionary and not a reactionary.

This is one of the hardest lessons for me so far because I tend to get angry fast and furious, and when I attack, I am usually the one hitting where it hurts the most and I regret it after because I usually say something I did not mean but I was hot, I was not thinking clearly and my Queenly reflective pool was just full of dirt floating around.... 

Today, I was at work and there was an incident that made me extremely angry. Yes, I went from 0 to 180 in a second. As I was feeling this I was thinking of water... water... water... oh no boiling water!!!!! I was so upset I couldn´t even think clearly but while I was in the moment, I kept thinking... where´s my Queen? Where did she go? Where is my cool as water self? My pool is getting dirty again and I am moving backwards... Yes, awareness is the first tool for change and men was I aware that I was reacting? Yes, I was. I could feel my heart rate racing, my blood warming up, my temperature raising and the fact that I was reaching the level of attack. I tried not to react and even though I did say a few things that were not my most gracious self, I was stating that my boundaries were being crossed and I was not happy about that. When I got home, I decided to go into the silence. I haven´t meditate in years but today I felt that I need to go back to that practice as I need to quiet the waters that were very murky and agitated. After 30 minutes on focusing on my breathing and being in complete silence I felt I regain my Queenly being and that I was cool as water once again, ready to try again and get back on the track.

Yes, there will be times the water will start boiling but it´s up to us to decide to not let it become a geiser exploding out of control. One of my Queen Laws of Life is that I manifest my reality and that if I change my thoughts, I can change my reality so taking this law into effect, I got back to meditation and regain my water self. I am 100% responsible for my reality and the vision for my realm. Each day is a lesson and today I was faced with boiling water.

Many blessings,

Carolina )0(

Presiding Priestess of the Circulo de Isis

Note: Thank you Ava Park for bringing the Queen Teachings to my life and being a wonderful mentor and an amazing role model.

The Law of Giving and Receiving

A few weeks ago, I went back to listening to audio books in the car. I started with the Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz and I followed with The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra. As I was listening to Deepak talk about the Law of Giving and Receiving, I couldn´t help but think about my life, my relationships, my activities, everything. It seems that in life, I have been able to give more than what I can receive. There was a time when one of my therapists told me when I am in a relationship I tend to give 110% so I don´t let the other person give anything because I give it all for both of us. How many times have I expressed affection so continuously that the other person my feel suffocated or when it is not reciprocated I feel like I am not worth it? How many times I have been the 911 for my friends when the emergency calls (Thank you Ava for this phrase!)? Since I started working with Ava Park and her Queen teachings, she asked me to say yes to all help and to be open to receive. This exercise has brought a lot of awareness in my life because not only I have the superwoman complex as I can do everything by myself, I also give without limits and sometimes the giving is not equated with the receiving.

As I started paying attention to what I receive from others, I started to notice that in some relationships in my life I tend to give and give and give and not receive much. Then, the question becomes why I am friends with this person. Is this relationship allowing me to grow or are we stagnant and we are just together because of time or tradition or the past? I am in a deep evaluation of everything that is within my realm and my friendships are getting to be under the microscope because I really don´t want to be the one driving the relationship. Today, I read in facebook the following phrase "Good relationships don´t just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together." This phrase resonated with me because I tend to do all the work for everyone in the relationship. Yes, I am the one texting, I am the one anticipating needs, I am the one initiating most of the time. As an Enneagram Type Two, I have a tendency to give and be friendly but I am getting to a point where I want my relationships to be 50/50 or at least be equal most of the time. I know there will be times one person will be 70% while the other gives 30% or viceversa but overall, it should be 50/50 so nobody burns out, nobody feels like he or she is needy, and nobody feels like it´s begging for attention to the relationship. 

Sometimes it is hard to look at our relationships and realize the time has come to say goodbye but if the relationship is not fulfilling, if you are not feeling happy and growing with that person, sometimes it is better to just rip the band aid off and allow that space to be empty for new relationships to come. Giving and receiving is like a current and it comes and goes but if it only goes one way, it may get depleted in the end. If people take it for granted that they will continue receiving and stop giving, they may wake up one day to find themselves lonely and wonder what happened. No matter where you go or who you are with, always give because as you give, you will receive and be grateful for all the things you receive.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina )0(