Fake, Childish, Narcissistic... Lessons of the West

"Think of three people you admire." .... That´s how the exercise began. The next question was "Think of three people who really annoy you.".... That´s when I wondered why it is easier to think of people who rub you the wrong way instead of those who you admire. I feel there are not many people I admire these days but there are people who I have respect for. I come from a long journey of putting people in pedestals and then getting disappointed, so these days, nobody goes on the pedestal because there is no pedestal. Time has taught me that we are all one and nobody is above or below anyone. We are all walking alongside in the journey of life. Perceptions may make people think they are below or above but in reality we are all one and when we realize that, we also realize our value and the value we bring to the whole. 

Going back to the exercise, now you may be wondering what exercise I am talking about? Last October, I started my journey to go around the Medicine Wheel. This wheel combines the energies of the Native American People and the People from the Andes. I felt that I dedicated sufficient time to the European traditions and it was time to start exploring my roots. Little did I know that the work of the Wheel would bring me so many lessons. As I finished the South last December, I can say I shedded some of my core issues but the work is not complete, not until I go around the Wheel. Now, I am in the West and this direction brings new lessons, new journeys, new discoveries and more healing. 

During the exercise, I was able to identify the three people who rub me the wrong way (maybe I could find more than three but don´t tell anybody - just kidding). After identifying these people, the exercise was to identify the core issues that triggered me. That´s where fake, childish and narcissistic came from. The interesting part of the exercise was tapping into the reality of why this person was fake, or childish, or narcissistic, and finding that fake was just a way to make sure this person would survive, like a chameleon that needs to adjust to their reality. Childish was a way of not growing up as this person had not experienced being a child when this person was young. Narcissistic was just a way to be the center because that´s how they would get attention. The next part of the exercise was to see the gift in the triggers and that made me realize how I need to feed my inner child and put myself in the picture instead of putting other people first and then resenting it. Fake was an interesting lesson as I remembered how when I landed in this country, I chose to take my ex-husband´s name and I became Carolina Boggs, no document or record existed of Amor in the USA. I made that decision intentionally to blend in as I felt I would not have the same opportunities if I was Carolina Amor and people knew I came from Argentina. I was only 23 years old and full of fears. As the years passed, I missed my roots and I missed my maiden name so I began including it as Amor-Boggs until the time I got divorced and that´s when I reclaimed my name completely. It took 10 years of living in this country to be able to feel safe and express who I was so I can say "fake" is something I have experienced. 

Part of the lesson of the exercise is to be able to recognize that those things that trigger us are part of us. They are part of our shadow and the moment we own them, we are able to claim that power. What are your triggers? Can you think of three people that rub you the wrong way? Maybe more :) What are the core issues with those people?  I invite you to take some time and do the same exercise I did because there is power in it. There is healing power. Shadow work is part of becoming whole and of healing our wounds.

Fake, Childish, Narcissistic are the Lessons of the West for me. What are yours?

Blessings,

Carolina

Rev. Carolina A. Amor

www.caroamor.com

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