When I was young, I used to believe that Prince Charming would come and drag me off my feet, take me away to the land of the far far away and I would be happy ever after. As you know, I am a powerful witch so some of my dreams came true (*kidding*). Ava Park told me that what we put attention on manifests and it is true. I wanted my savior to come rescue me and it happened. I met my husband and he was from the land of far far away. He came to Argentina and we got married, and then I moved to California (far far away from home). I was only 23 when this happened and my happily ever after was not as happy as I thought. I had to face many challenges in this foreign land and learn to survive in a place that had different traditions and with my family and friends so far away. It was not easy but I would not change a thing because it makes me who I am today - a strong and powerful woman who is not scared and knows she can manifest her vision for life.
Yesterday was my mother´s birthday and a very special day for me. My mother passed away about 8 years ago when I was already living here in the US. I was not able to be in the funeral and in the beginning I felt guilty because I had left her behind and she had given up on life after that. I know this is not true and it took me a few years to realize that we all create our stories and it was her day to go, it had nothing to do with what I did or did not do. I know I have lived some of her dreams of travelling and adventures and that she must be smiling from wherever she is right now looking down and seeing that I survived and I am stronger than I was before but she helped me build my foundation.
Grieving is a very personal process and there is no right or wrong way but it can be painful and at times, we may feel better but some pains never go away. Yesterday was one of those days when I needed support because I was feeling the pain of grieving very strongly. It was one of those days when I needed a savior, I needed somebody to hold my hand and tell me it will be ok because my world felt dark and blue. I found myself going to my favorite place, Half Moon Bay, and eating by myself. Then I sat on the beach for hours staring at the ocean and listening to the waves breaking at the shore. I had to beacons of light, two lighthouses that guided me to safe destinations and showed me the way out of my darkness. One is Hester Aira and the other is Yeshe Rabbit. These two women showed me some light when I was transiting the darkness of pain. Sometimes it is hard for me to reach out and ask for help but I was glad I did and I am grateful for these two women who have supported me when I was low and that I was able to receive the help they were providing me.
Although I had the support of my spiritual friends, I know they were not there to save me. Their purpose was different. Their purpose was to shed light and let me walk away. These two Queens were there not to let me become a victim but to get out of that situation stronger. That´s when I realized the meaning of the phrase my Sister-Queen Jesamyn Angelica said in our Dark Moon Class the other day "Nobody is coming to save you." At times, we may think that our parents will come to save us, that our boss will give us the promotions we deserve, that our lover will make our life better, that our spiritual mentor will help us reach nirvana. Unfortunately, they will not and life has a different flavor when we think about it that way. When my father left las October, he did not support some of my choices in life and that´s when I felt nobody is there to save me for the first time in my life. I can´t count on others to protect me, I have to do it myself.
As I light a candle to Fortuna in my Goddess room and light my confidence incense in preparation for tomorrow´s interviews, I know that it is up to me to create my vision for life, it is up to me to manifest my dreams. Nobody can do it for me. I have to have the courage to step into my power and create the life that I deserve and I want. As a Queen of my realm, I am the architect and the visionary of my realm, I am the governor and the administrator, I know the plan and I will execute. I will not wait anymore because in the end, nobody is coming to save me.
Many blessings,
Lady Carolina
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Note:
Check the Queen Teachings by Ava
http://goddesstempleoforangecounty.com/About_Rev_Ava.html
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