Tuesday, October 14, 2014

You need to come apart to come together again...

Humpty Dumpty sat on a Wall....
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...
All the king´s horses and all the king´s men
Couldn´t put humpty dumpty together again.

Why would the king´s horses and men put humpty dumpty together again???? Of course they can´t! It´s not their job to put other people together because that´s our personal journey. We can not expect others to come help us, come rescue us, come get us out of the dark because it is our inner lesson. I think I did not realize how hard I would fall when I jumped but looking back, I know it was always better jumping than staying stagnant with the energy brewing in the bog.  

I would not lie, there are moments one may feel it´s better to stay as is instead of going through the ordeal of the emotions, the memories, the broken dreams. Is it better to settle for less than being alone? I don´t think so. I think I have settled for less many times in my life and that´s not ok but fears pop up and make us wonder, make us second guess ourselves and think that we should be giving another chance... maybe this time this person changes... maybe this time is different.... maybe I did not see things right... so many maybes and so many options to second doubt what intuition tells us.

It took me two years to jump off the board at the pool but once I jumped, I felt amazing... I was able to let go the fear and do it anyways! When I started my divorce papers on Valentine´s Day last year, I felt fear but I decided to love myself more than staying in a relationship that made me feel lonely even when I was married after 10 years. It´s hard to realize that things we thought were ok or we were trying to convince ourselves were ok are not and it´s time to make a decision. It may take me a long time but in the end I will jump, I will move towards what´s best for me leaving behind those things that don´t serve me anymore. It is necessary to come apart so we can come together again... whole and complete. Don´t fear the break as it brings transformations and it will pull you closer to who you are meant to be.

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Posted by at No comments:

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Poison Moon

No matter how strong you are, there are times you find yourself weak and vulnerable. In that vulnerability you find your new strength because as my mother used to say, Goddess does not put anything in your path that you are not able to handle. The lessons are there for you to learn and move to the next level if you choose to do so. You can deny the lesson or ignore it but it would come up again and again until you decide it´s time to face it. As Theseus entering the labyrinth, only the brave are open to sit in the darkness of the soul and battle their demons.

Tonight, I found myself in deep darkness grieving the lost relationships, the lost opportunities, the dreams that did not come to be and the illusions that blinded me until I saw reality as it is and my tower came crashing to the ground. As lies and relationships based on shaky ground collapse, I can´t help but feel unsettled. So much loss, so much  pain, so much grieve. At times I wonder if I can get out of the center of the labyrinth that I´ve been experiencing for the past year. 

I know I am strong and I know my demons are too but they are my creations and I have power over them. I can be like Theseus and slay the Minotaurus of my soul so I can regain the power enclosed in those fears and illusions that have kept me from moving forward and living my life as it is meant to be. 

Talking to a friend, she told me "If you are strong to go through divorce, you can go through anything" and I thought, she may be right and I don´t realize how strong I am when I sink in the darkness of my soul. I don´t see the previous experiences that support me going through another round of punches and collapse until I see Sun again.

Another friend told me ... "I would try and make you feel better but this full moon is a poison moon and it is meant to be a detox moon. You need to go through this pain and let it all out, get it out of the system and make space for the new." 

Both of my friends were right, I know I can go through this one more time and I can slay this Minotaurus. I can detox during this poison moon and come out stronger than before because the future is bright and the choices of today make my tomorrow. Today, I sit in darkness and let it go, purge it through my system as I move forward so this eclipse can help me cut those things that don´t serve anymore.

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Posted by at 1 comment:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)