Friday, May 28, 2010

Back to the Core

While studying different religious systems, I couldn't help but notice how we have moved from the heart to the head. It seems that several religions promulgate the use of the head as a way to seek illumination. We should disconnect from our heart and let go of the body so we can be illuminated. In ancient Egypt, when one died, one had to face the Goddess Ma'at and weight his or her heart against Ma'at's feather. If the heart was heavier than the feather, one would be eaten by a creature who had the head of a crocodile, the body of a cheetah, and the tail of a hippopotamus. This creature identified the three animals the Egyptian people feared the most. One should always wish his or her heart would be as light as the feather. In order to do this, one should lead a life based on the heart, not on the head. Today's society is so focused on the head that the heart becomes heavy. No wonder why there are more and more people dying from heart attacks. It is said cardiovascular disease kills one person every 11 minutes. It is time to start living from the heart if we do not want to end dead. This is a topic that touches me in a very special way since I suffer from supraventricular tachycardia, this is a disease that makes my heart beat really fast when it goes into the cycle and the blood does not flow properly leaving the lower parts of my heart without blood. Somehow, I have learned to associate this situation with paying too much attention to one part in my life leaving other parts unattended or without blood. This situation has motivated me to seek harmony in my life making sure that I don't overwork or overwork out or over anything.

There are times when I feel like human beings are becoming detached from their hearts and bodies. Like when the white men gave mirrors to the natives in order to take their gold, we have bought into technology as being our savior and now we suffer from so many conditions because we live our lives sitting in front of the TV, we don't walk anymore, we don't connect with Nature, we don't connect with our bodies. Western medicine is about pills and giving something to cure one problem but generate twenty issues as side effects. It is time to connect with our bodies, it is time to hear what our hearts have to say, try detaching from your mind and connecting with your heart. If our hearts are lighter, we will live longer, we will be happier, we will feel whole and well. Try connecting with your heart and go back to your core. You'll see the difference.


Saturday, May 22, 2010

Power of Being

For many years, I've been pushing myself to do many things at the same time, always running, always doing, non-stop. It was like running a marathon but never seeing the finish line. No matter what people would tell me, I would always do twenty things at the same time without noticing that in this process, I was depleting myself. I was spreading myself too thing and I did not have time to "be" instead I was always "doing". I associated doing with being to the point that I would define myself by the things I do and I would believe that people would like me for what I do instead of for who I am. Would they love me if I did not do things for them? Would they like me if I did not follow their every wish? This was the mantra that motivate me to do more than what I could and end up in a point where I am exhausted and have no energy for anything. I also notice that doing could also be used as a mechanism for not seeing. For example, when I move to this country, I did not want to see my loneliness so I started doing things, filling my time with a long list of things to do that will leave me exhausted and with no energy to even think about what I was feeling. Can you say coping mechanism? I can. I know that "doing" because the drug that kept me going and prevented me from seeing things that were not working in my life and taking ownership in fixing them or moving on.

Now, that I have finished school, there is the void. There is the time that is filled with emptiness because now I don't have deadlines, I don't have to write papers, I don't have to prepare team assignments, I just have time to do what I want or just be. This void or space feels uncomfortable since I have become used to always doing and if I am not doing, who am I? This time, the void feels different, this time my body is telling me to stop and sit back, relax and just be. Sometimes "being" is as important as doing because in the process of being, I can discover who I am behind all the masks and layers that doing has created. I can peeled those layers and discover the core and just be me. It is challenging to let go of the unhealthy pattern of believing I am super woman and I can do twenty million things at the same time, but I also know that if I don't stop and reflect, I will just burn out and then I will have no energy for anything. This week has been the first week that I took care of myself. I got home, relaxed and just be. I did not push myself to go to the gym, I did not push myself to write or translate. I just followed my intuition, went to bed early, watch TV and relaxed. In the beginning, this felt foreign and strange but as the week passed, I realized that it is my time for taking care of myself, for putting my needs and feelings first, and sit back and relax. This is the reason why you may see me less often online or maybe not see me at all. Nothing is wrong. I am just taking care of myself and dedicating some time to "being" and letting go of "doing".


Thursday, May 20, 2010

I am a Phoenix

Since I can remember, I have always identified myself with the Phoenix. This bird that has the ability to turn into flames and then raise from the ashes has always felt like a metaphor for my life. I can still remember the times when everything seemed to collapsed and burned, but then, with the same energy that I went down, I was able to pick myself up from the ashes. Little did I know that this bird would have such an impact in my life to the point that I would study at University of Phoenix and now I am a college graduate from that school.

Every time I see the commercial with people saying "I am a Phoenix" I know inside me that I truly am one; not because the degree says so, but because I am able to transform my life, to burn the old, and to be reborn. Life is about beginnings, middles and endings. I feel like now I am transitioning from a big ending to a new beginning. Closing the door and finishing school has the symbolism of turning a page in my life, the one of formal education, to begin the one of practical education and of studying all those things that I always wanted to study but did not have the time because I was in school. There is a part of me that says ... mmmm .... maybe I should go for a Masters, even a PhD so I could become a psychologist, but the other part of me says that I've been in school for too long and no book or degree will be able to teach me who I truly am. Many times we read books trying to find the answers to our questions, trying to find ourselves in the books, thinking that if we have this title or that degree we will be enough, we will know enough, we will feel complete. Unfortunately, no title or degree or book can show you who you are. No label is able to give you the power to feel complete. That is something you need to feel within and embrace. I think this is the next lesson in my life, learn to accept myself just the way I am, knowing that I am complete and powerful, and that I do not need validation from anybody or anything to know who I am.


Saturday, May 15, 2010

Not Afraid to Take a Stand

I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Hola if you feel that you’ve been down the same road
(By Eminem)

This is the song that has resonated with me during this week. Maybe, it is because I am reaching the end of one journey and I feel I'd been put through the fire, each class, each subject, each paper, they were all part of the bigger picture - getting a degree and finishing my undergraduate program. I never thought I would make it till the end of the road and now the finish line is at sight. I only have two more days to go and it is done. It has not been an easy road. I had a full time job, a husband, my spiritual journey, my mom passing away, and many other things but I stuck with it and now I will get my degree. I know every beginning has and end, and every end brings a new beginning so I am ready for the next part of the journey and that will bring. Right now, I am getting ready to travel back home and during that trip, I will have the honor to meet some wonderful women who are doing the Goddess work in my hometown. I will also be blessed with ordaining a Priestess. This will be my first Priestess ordination and it is very exciting since it will take place on my one year anniversary of my own ordination. I feel like I am coming full circle into the next stage of this upright spiral. Always growing, always evolving, always learning, always flowing.

Isis has been guiding me and she is present in every area of my life. When I became a Priestess, I wanted to live a life of devotion. Now, when I look back at the road I walked, the one that has brought me to this point in my life, I can see that I have accomplished my goal. I have brought Isis to my work, to my partnership, to my life. Every area is touched by Goddess and I am excited to live a life of purpose. I know that my blog also touches some people who may be living similar experiences to mine and that's why I started this blog with the paragraphs from the song because that's the message I want to convey. You are not alone. If your journey looks like mine, lets join hands and walk together. Some months ago, I talked about Priestesses talking bad about other Priestesses and women tearing each other apart. Well, it is time to take a stand, to let go of our fears, and to walk together through the storm. Are you ready? Because I am, I am happy to hold your hand and walk with you.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Like a Pendulum...

Sometimes I feel I am like a pendulum swinging from one side of the spectrum to the other side. One of the axioms in Hermetics is that positive and negative energies are just two sides of the same spectrum, same vibration and intensity, just opposite to one another. When I think about that, I can't help but agree since I feel there are several times when I can see myself loving very passionately but if the person crosses me, I can definitely be the worst demon on earth. Many times, people don't understand me because they don't see the work that goes within before I make a decision, they just see the outcome and it comes as if it is out of the blue, but they don't know that the situation has been cooking for a while and now I am ready to move on. I still remember the day I told my dad I was not going to continue school because I did not think it was worth it at the time. I'd been thinking a lot before that and then finally one day, I woke up and I felt it was done, there was not turning back, I was ready to move on. The problem, the people around me were not ready because they did not participate in the pros and cons discussions that went over in my head.

Many times, the same things happen with people in my life. It is like the veil is lifted and all of the sudden I am able to see them as they really are and there is no going back. I am done and I move on, but it is hard for others to accept that. Unfortunately, I am not one who will stay around to process, I will just continue my life since it is too short and analyze what was the reason why I did not see this person as she or he was, what prevented me from seeing them truly instead of the show they put up. The reason why I analyze what I felt and the situation is so I can learn from it and not repeat it again. As astrology and many sciences say, if you don't learn the lesson the first time, it will repeat with different places, different faces, but same core lesson. That's why several times people feel like they are living in a deja vu. They know they went through the same lesson before but what happened is that they did not learned it so now they have a new opportunity to heal the issue and move on. The questions is, do they take the chance or ignore it and have to go through the same again and again?

Now, I am about to finish school, yes! only 3 more days left! And I am going through an evaluation period where I need to figure out what is next. I know I am working hard to bring Isis to the Spanish speaking community, but is that it, or should I do something else. Who will be by my side? Who will support me in my journey? Who needs to go away or let go so I am not brought down? It is time to think and evaluate so I don't repeat previous lessons. It is time to be like the pendulum and allow myself time to swing so I am able to see the two sides and then remain in the center.


Sunday, May 9, 2010

Just Detach...

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder about people who are so toxic and so draining that they may have a veil covering their eyes that prevent them from being happy when others are happy, or excited when others are excited, it's just like they only pay attention when things are negative because that's all they can cope with. If somebody is having a good time or things are going great in their lives, they decide that not to pay attention to that, not even mention it; but if something goes wrong, then they are right there, sucking the drama and eating it all. It is interesting to see how when you post something negative in facebook you may get more answers than if you post something positive. Are some people just coded for negative?

The other side of the coin is the fact that we should not take people's reactions personally since it is not about us. For example, I mentioned I was graduating in a week to a person today and she ignored it completely like it does not exist, or a person who I considered my friend did not even ask how my race was or wish me luck for it. Is it so painful to see me happy or achieving my happiness? Maybe yes, maybe no, I don't know. But what I do know is that I do not need to take this personally because it is their issue. It is not my problem if they can not be happy, it is not my problem if their lives are filled with drama because in the end, we all have a choice and they may be choosing to see the dark side of life instead of being grateful for all the wonderful things they have.

In his book, The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz says that one of the agreements is "Do not take anything personally" not even the good things. It is like a friend of mine said last week when he was describing Kung Fu to me, "Kung Fu is about being in neutral with your guard up" and the way I understand that is being with no positive or negative emotions, just neutral, but being protected so people can not get to you. Another friend described a similar concept as "detach" and let go. I was describing to her the anxiety some people were bringing to my life with their negativity and unhappiness and she said, just detach! And I noticed I was really attached to the outcome and I was giving my power away by letting others stressed me out with their actions. I also started thinking where those emotions were coming from. Why do I have people around me that I am trying to buy with money or attention when they do not reciprocate? Why do I need them around? Why can't I detach and just serve a role as a High Priestess like I do with other people? I think when I find the key of those feeling, I will be able to heal them. But in the meantime, I will just remember to stay neutral and detach so I can let go of all these emotions, regain my power, and keep going on my journey, because in the end we are all in our journeys and masters of our destinies.

Just detach...


Saturday, May 8, 2010

We are all on the same boat...

"We are all in the same boat, and that boat is the Titanic, and the Titanic is sinking. We have several choices. We can ignore and deny the impending disaster, and 're-arrange the deck chairs.' We can loudly protest to the captain. Or, we can jump to the party boat that has pulled up alongside." (Steve Bhaeman)

When I read this phrase, I couldn't help but think about the many times I face people who feel like they have no options, they are trapped in their own world and they have no power to decide where to go. These people keep forgetting that we can always choose. We can always decide to take something one way or another. For example, there are two people stuck in traffic because there is an accident and one is calm and relaxed while the other one is stressed out and cursing. What is different from these two people? Why one is screaming while the other one is listening to the radio and waiting patiently? Yes, you can say the one that is not screaming took the medication that day and is heavily sedated, but in reality it all comes to the equation E+R = O (event+response = outcome). We can not change the events in our lives but we can definitely choose our response and that can change the outcome. I learned that equation in a book by Jack Canfield and it has proven to be quite effective. Many times, I don't understand why people feel that life happens to them, that they have no control or no choice and it's hard to believe that we don't have a choice. The problem comes that sometimes we don't know what the best choice is or we choose based on what other people want for us or not our own needs.

Next time you need to choose, think about the equation and remember, you always have a choice and you can decide how to respond to an event. You don't need to act like a victim or feel like everything goes against you but see that there is always a teaching in your experiences and in the future, you'll see the lesson. Just remember to choose and to remember that life does not just happen to you. You have the power to create your own reality. It is time you use it.


Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Some people think that boundaries can be pushed, others think that boundaries are to be broken, but I think that boundaries are to be respected and I expect nothing less from people around me. Several times in my life I have faced people who were trying to make me do something I did not want to do or wanted to push my limits or bend them to their favor. Today, was one of those days when I faced a person trying to convince me to do something I did not want to do. In the past, I may have said yes just because I would put everyone else's needs before mine or I just wanted to be accepted or loved; today, was not that day. As time goes by, I learned to put myself first and respect myself as I expect others to respect me too. Who would respect me if I don't respect myself? Yes, I know, it sounds like a riddle but it is the truth. Respect starts at home and if we do not show people that we treat ourselves with the highest level of respect, people will assume that they can step on you like you are a mat and you are just there taking it. We need to show others how to treat us and by doing so teach them where our boundaries lie. It is not ok to expect others to drop everything to help you if you don't give them enough notice. It is not ok to expect friends to always be there for you when you give nothing in return. It is not ok to always talk to people when you need something.

Unfortunately, karma is always coming back to hunt you and if you have not behaved correctly, you may find yourself in a tough situation without any help around you because would want to lend a hand when they have given more than enough and they are exhausted. Relationships are a funny thing and they always involve two people. Yes, two people sharing agreements and making sure that there is a flow between them. Sometimes one will put 60% and the other one will put 40%. Other times, one person would put 20% and the other one will put 80%. There is always a balance and we should strive to always be 50/50, but if you are always putting 100% and the other person puts nothing; you are bound to feel used and resent the person. Well, today I was faced with that too. I was asked for help and I noticed that I have always giving 101% without asking for anything in return but today was the day to stand up and set my boundaries, show that I am not a mat, that I will not drop everything to fulfill other people's needs, that my needs come first and that I respect myself and I expect others to do the same. Yes, this situation did not go smoothly because people who are used to you saying yes all the time will not take lightly that you start saying no, or that you set a limit, or that you put yourself first. This is their problem and not yours. When we learn to stand on our power and respect ourselves, other people will learn to do the same and if they don't, they will fall off. Like I said in my previous blog, I am shedding my skin and if that means losing some people who I considered friends but they were not actually caring about me but themselves, then it is better to lose them because they will not fit in my life anymore. Not the life I am creating, not the life of being healthy and whole. They may have fitted in my previous one where I felt I was not enough and did not put myself first, but now, they are starting to notice that they are not the center and moving away to find other people who will put them in the center of the pot. That will not be me. It would not be honest for me to stand here and talk to all of you about empowerment and sovereignty and then let others step on me like I am a mat. The new me can not accept that, and will not allow people to push my boundaries. I am a Queen and I will be respected!!


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Shedding my old skin...

"Like the snake shedding its skin, this time represents the time to let go of outworn roles to reveal your true identity. It is time to let go of all the roles that limit your potential and take up the call to explore and express your true self." is the message I've been getting every other day for the past few months. Yes, every morning, I pick up a card and I've been getting the same one every time to the point that I almost know the card by heart! One thing that we learn in the mystery schools is that the lesson will repeat with different players and different places but the same lesson unless the student learns it and can move on so my take on this card is that I am continuously shedding my old skin and transforming. Sometimes I feel like a snake shedding and other times I feel like the phoenix raising from the ashes. Either way, I am always changing and cycling and with each cycle I find that there are people that drop off, topics that don't interest me anymore, groups that do not serve a purpose anymore, and so on.

During this cycle, I feel that I have face one of my demons. The demon that says I am not enough and I can not manifest my dreams or reach my goals. Having run the 5k and finishing has helped me made the click I needed to see that I am healthy and whole and those who do not support me in my journey to wellness can drop off. Usually, the theory says that we attract the energies we are vibrating to our lives so if we are vibrating positive energy, we will attract positive energy. The same happens to the negative side, if you are vibrating at a lower level energy, you will attract people or things that contain that energy. It is always sad to face endings but it is even sadder to stay in a relationship just because we are not able to accept that we don't have anything in common anymore but we are scared of the grieving process of letting that person go. I believe that people come to our lives to teach us things and when the lesson is learned, they move on and leave our side. Right now, I feel I am reaching the end of one journey and with every ending comes a new beginning. The new beginning is awaiting for me, the door is wide open and the question is how to step through it. Will I let my past determine my future? Will I let my old roles determine who I am and limit my potential? The answer is NO, I am ready and even if there is pain associated with ending one phase of my life, the next one has the promise of happiness and fulfillment.

Are you one of those that lingers to relationships because you can not move on? Are you one of those who is not able to let go? Like Astrology says, if you don't make the decision, the universe will decide for you so be brave and step forward, your destiny is awaiting and you are supported!