Sometimes I feel I am like a pendulum swinging from one side of the spectrum to the other side. One of the axioms in Hermetics is that positive and negative energies are just two sides of the same spectrum, same vibration and intensity, just opposite to one another. When I think about that, I can't help but agree since I feel there are several times when I can see myself loving very passionately but if the person crosses me, I can definitely be the worst demon on earth. Many times, people don't understand me because they don't see the work that goes within before I make a decision, they just see the outcome and it comes as if it is out of the blue, but they don't know that the situation has been cooking for a while and now I am ready to move on. I still remember the day I told my dad I was not going to continue school because I did not think it was worth it at the time. I'd been thinking a lot before that and then finally one day, I woke up and I felt it was done, there was not turning back, I was ready to move on. The problem, the people around me were not ready because they did not participate in the pros and cons discussions that went over in my head.
Many times, the same things happen with people in my life. It is like the veil is lifted and all of the sudden I am able to see them as they really are and there is no going back. I am done and I move on, but it is hard for others to accept that. Unfortunately, I am not one who will stay around to process, I will just continue my life since it is too short and analyze what was the reason why I did not see this person as she or he was, what prevented me from seeing them truly instead of the show they put up. The reason why I analyze what I felt and the situation is so I can learn from it and not repeat it again. As astrology and many sciences say, if you don't learn the lesson the first time, it will repeat with different places, different faces, but same core lesson. That's why several times people feel like they are living in a deja vu. They know they went through the same lesson before but what happened is that they did not learned it so now they have a new opportunity to heal the issue and move on. The questions is, do they take the chance or ignore it and have to go through the same again and again?
Now, I am about to finish school, yes! only 3 more days left! And I am going through an evaluation period where I need to figure out what is next. I know I am working hard to bring Isis to the Spanish speaking community, but is that it, or should I do something else. Who will be by my side? Who will support me in my journey? Who needs to go away or let go so I am not brought down? It is time to think and evaluate so I don't repeat previous lessons. It is time to be like the pendulum and allow myself time to swing so I am able to see the two sides and then remain in the center.