Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Some people think that boundaries can be pushed, others think that boundaries are to be broken, but I think that boundaries are to be respected and I expect nothing less from people around me. Several times in my life I have faced people who were trying to make me do something I did not want to do or wanted to push my limits or bend them to their favor. Today, was one of those days when I faced a person trying to convince me to do something I did not want to do. In the past, I may have said yes just because I would put everyone else's needs before mine or I just wanted to be accepted or loved; today, was not that day. As time goes by, I learned to put myself first and respect myself as I expect others to respect me too. Who would respect me if I don't respect myself? Yes, I know, it sounds like a riddle but it is the truth. Respect starts at home and if we do not show people that we treat ourselves with the highest level of respect, people will assume that they can step on you like you are a mat and you are just there taking it. We need to show others how to treat us and by doing so teach them where our boundaries lie. It is not ok to expect others to drop everything to help you if you don't give them enough notice. It is not ok to expect friends to always be there for you when you give nothing in return. It is not ok to always talk to people when you need something.

Unfortunately, karma is always coming back to hunt you and if you have not behaved correctly, you may find yourself in a tough situation without any help around you because would want to lend a hand when they have given more than enough and they are exhausted. Relationships are a funny thing and they always involve two people. Yes, two people sharing agreements and making sure that there is a flow between them. Sometimes one will put 60% and the other one will put 40%. Other times, one person would put 20% and the other one will put 80%. There is always a balance and we should strive to always be 50/50, but if you are always putting 100% and the other person puts nothing; you are bound to feel used and resent the person. Well, today I was faced with that too. I was asked for help and I noticed that I have always giving 101% without asking for anything in return but today was the day to stand up and set my boundaries, show that I am not a mat, that I will not drop everything to fulfill other people's needs, that my needs come first and that I respect myself and I expect others to do the same. Yes, this situation did not go smoothly because people who are used to you saying yes all the time will not take lightly that you start saying no, or that you set a limit, or that you put yourself first. This is their problem and not yours. When we learn to stand on our power and respect ourselves, other people will learn to do the same and if they don't, they will fall off. Like I said in my previous blog, I am shedding my skin and if that means losing some people who I considered friends but they were not actually caring about me but themselves, then it is better to lose them because they will not fit in my life anymore. Not the life I am creating, not the life of being healthy and whole. They may have fitted in my previous one where I felt I was not enough and did not put myself first, but now, they are starting to notice that they are not the center and moving away to find other people who will put them in the center of the pot. That will not be me. It would not be honest for me to stand here and talk to all of you about empowerment and sovereignty and then let others step on me like I am a mat. The new me can not accept that, and will not allow people to push my boundaries. I am a Queen and I will be respected!!


1 comment:

  1. Well said, Caro! I recognize a parallel with my own situation in so many ways, and I too lost friends when I stopped being a doormat for them, but were they ever really friends? With time, it's become easier and easier to be Queen of my Self. Blessings.