Friday, November 28, 2014

Victim or Victor?

Oh no.... Everything happens to me!!! Why???? I am so lonely!!! I don´t have enough money.... my coworker got the promotion that was supposed to be mine... nobody likes me .... Have you ever heard any of these phrases? These are examples of victim behavior and this behavior is a choice. The opposite side of this coin is the one that even though they face adversity, they are still happy and moving forward because they feel they have conquered a fear or a situation they thought they may not be able to deal with. I was introduced to the equation E+R=O (event+response=outcome) a few years ago. This equation can help us move from a place of victimhood to a place of victory. We are not able to control the events in our lives but we are able to control our responses to those events and those responses shape our outcomes. 

If the universe sends you a challenging situation, you can choose to accept it as "it is what it is" and try to find the best solution possible or you can cry over spilt milk. The decision is yours. We always have a choice. 

We are the architects of our own lives. We co-create the reality we live in with the Divine. If you do not like what you see in your life, you can change it. You have the tools and are able to shift your reality but it takes for you to get out of the victim role and step into the victor role. When we feel that the universe is against us, we feel lonely, abandoned and with no hope, we need to look around and and see what areas of our lives we need to change so we can vibrate at a higher level and let go of those blocks. Positive energy attracts positive energy. You may need to end some relationships or shift the dynamics in them. You may need to change jobs. You may need to move. One thing is certain, we need to get out of being a victim and sit on the driver seat of our lives. 

We can´t let others or situations determine our happiness level. It´s our job to change our responses so our outcomes are different. No matter how much you cry to others or talk about how bad things are, nothing is going to change until you choose a different response.

Are you a victim or victor?

Many blessings,

Carolina Amor

Friday, November 21, 2014

Adventures of the Maiden Queen - Part I

Hollywood!!!!!!! Do I hear somebody say Universal Studios Hollywood? Yes, it is true! Two weeks ago, I embarked myself in a journey with my own best friend - me! I am usually one that plans everything and knows what she will be doing till December next year... not kidding! I have a busy schedule and I do plan ahead of time but this time, the universe conspired for me to get into my Maiden self and my Queen was able to manifest it.

My Priestess sister was having her tribe performing a ritual at the Goddess Temple of Orange County so I decided I had to be there. In the beginning I thought about spending the whole day at the Temple but as the planning phase progressed, I found myself buying a ticket to Universal Studios and planning a trip there as well! There was a part of me that was saying all work and no play makes Carolina a dull girl... I am a Priestess 24/7 and a Compliance Officer 40 plus hours a week so it was time to have some fun. Some people get scared about doing things like this one their own but I found myself in the most exciting adventure ever.

It´s started at 5 am on Friday morning when I was observing the magic of the Full moon from the bedroom window. I knew magic was in the air when I saw the rays on my face and my pillow. Then I checked my cell phone and I saw my essay had been accepted for a book that will be published next year! I prepared my bags and got in the car with my coffee, some good music and my GPS. There was some traffic but I was able to "do traffic" and get to 5 in one hour. I have done this trip so many times I almost know the different landmarks that tell me when I am getting to the forever 30 minute drive! Yes, so many things change but LA traffic never does! You can count on hitting traffic no matter what time you get there.

My goals for the trip were to eat some Argentinean food, to have sushi in my favorite place, to have a massage, to go to Universal Studios and to attend the Honey Blood Priestesses ritual. The rest was left for the universe to decide! I also had specific rides I wanted to try at Universal Studios and then I would just go with the flow. As I got to LA, I decided not to stop in the Argentinean restaurant that was close to the LA office I work for and instead keep going and go to the one that was 10 minutes from Irvine. As I got to the restaurant at 2:30 pm, the host greeted me and informed me I barely made it. I was confused by this situation as the Yelp Goddess said they were opened from 8 am to 9 pm so I wonder whether I should tell them they should update their website. I would not have gone there if I had known they would be closing in 30 minutes! Besides, the place was empty!! I was the one and only guest so I got all the attention. Not only the server did not believe I was from Argentina (I guess I look very American these days), he was also flirting with me and gave me the stink eye when I ordered tons of food. I looked at him and I said "I know it´s a lot of food but I am here to try a bit of everything and I´ll take the rest in a box." Besides, this lady can eat dude! As the meal progressed, he kept making small talk and that´s when I found out that there was a Deli next door and the Deli was opened 8 am to 9 pm!!! Well, I was there dressed from my road trip and ordering a lot of food... felt like pretty woman in Beverly Hills! After my meal, I went to the deli where I found my favorite chocolates and I bought the whole box. I was in paradise! This trip was already feeling very healing.

I got to the hotel, unpacked and went for my massage. Then I went to my favorite Sushi restaurant, sushi Imari, and I waited for over 40 minutes but I was determined to eat there. As I waited, I noticed I was the only person there who was a party of 1. This was surprising but the most surprising part was that I was not feeling lonely. I had an amazing dinner and went back to the hotel where I had my bubble bath and relaxed. 

On Saturday morning, I departed early to Hollywood as it is 55 minutes away from Irvine with no traffic... ha ha ha. They should avoid quoting the no traffic times as there is always traffic! It´s the only guaranteed! As I was driving to Universal Studios, I looked at the right and I see the Hollywood sign... yes, I´ve lived in the US in California for over 10 years and never seen the Hollywood sign! It was exciting as I felt like I was in the movies or some of my favorite shows. The emotion did not stop there because Universal Studios was filled with all the magic of movies and television. I felt like a pop star. I had goose bumps as I got into some rides and the whole experience was really fascinating. Not only I got to be in the front row for most of the rides, I also appreciated being alone there as they had single rider lines!!!! The whole trip was amazing and gave me a feeling of empowerment and freedom. I did embody the Maiden Queen all weekend long by not fearing adventure and just exploring and having fun. I know this is not the last one so this is the Adventures of the Maiden Queen - Part I. Stay tuned! More adventures to come!

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

You need to come apart to come together again...

Humpty Dumpty sat on a Wall....
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...
All the king´s horses and all the king´s men
Couldn´t put humpty dumpty together again.

Why would the king´s horses and men put humpty dumpty together again???? Of course they can´t! It´s not their job to put other people together because that´s our personal journey. We can not expect others to come help us, come rescue us, come get us out of the dark because it is our inner lesson. I think I did not realize how hard I would fall when I jumped but looking back, I know it was always better jumping than staying stagnant with the energy brewing in the bog.  

I would not lie, there are moments one may feel it´s better to stay as is instead of going through the ordeal of the emotions, the memories, the broken dreams. Is it better to settle for less than being alone? I don´t think so. I think I have settled for less many times in my life and that´s not ok but fears pop up and make us wonder, make us second guess ourselves and think that we should be giving another chance... maybe this time this person changes... maybe this time is different.... maybe I did not see things right... so many maybes and so many options to second doubt what intuition tells us.

It took me two years to jump off the board at the pool but once I jumped, I felt amazing... I was able to let go the fear and do it anyways! When I started my divorce papers on Valentine´s Day last year, I felt fear but I decided to love myself more than staying in a relationship that made me feel lonely even when I was married after 10 years. It´s hard to realize that things we thought were ok or we were trying to convince ourselves were ok are not and it´s time to make a decision. It may take me a long time but in the end I will jump, I will move towards what´s best for me leaving behind those things that don´t serve me anymore. It is necessary to come apart so we can come together again... whole and complete. Don´t fear the break as it brings transformations and it will pull you closer to who you are meant to be.

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Poison Moon

No matter how strong you are, there are times you find yourself weak and vulnerable. In that vulnerability you find your new strength because as my mother used to say, Goddess does not put anything in your path that you are not able to handle. The lessons are there for you to learn and move to the next level if you choose to do so. You can deny the lesson or ignore it but it would come up again and again until you decide it´s time to face it. As Theseus entering the labyrinth, only the brave are open to sit in the darkness of the soul and battle their demons.

Tonight, I found myself in deep darkness grieving the lost relationships, the lost opportunities, the dreams that did not come to be and the illusions that blinded me until I saw reality as it is and my tower came crashing to the ground. As lies and relationships based on shaky ground collapse, I can´t help but feel unsettled. So much loss, so much  pain, so much grieve. At times I wonder if I can get out of the center of the labyrinth that I´ve been experiencing for the past year. 

I know I am strong and I know my demons are too but they are my creations and I have power over them. I can be like Theseus and slay the Minotaurus of my soul so I can regain the power enclosed in those fears and illusions that have kept me from moving forward and living my life as it is meant to be. 

Talking to a friend, she told me "If you are strong to go through divorce, you can go through anything" and I thought, she may be right and I don´t realize how strong I am when I sink in the darkness of my soul. I don´t see the previous experiences that support me going through another round of punches and collapse until I see Sun again.

Another friend told me ... "I would try and make you feel better but this full moon is a poison moon and it is meant to be a detox moon. You need to go through this pain and let it all out, get it out of the system and make space for the new." 

Both of my friends were right, I know I can go through this one more time and I can slay this Minotaurus. I can detox during this poison moon and come out stronger than before because the future is bright and the choices of today make my tomorrow. Today, I sit in darkness and let it go, purge it through my system as I move forward so this eclipse can help me cut those things that don´t serve anymore.

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Birth - Life - Death - Compost - Rebirth

What a year it has been!!!! Looking back at the journey from my birthday last year to my coming birthday next Sunday, it seems almost unreal who I was and who I am now. A few months ago, I was talking to my friend Yeshe Rabbit and she said something that really stuck with me. She said we usually focus on birth-life-death-rebirth but we are missing one part in that equation, we are missing de compost part!

I believe last year has been my death and compost year. So many people have left my life, some have transitioned to the other world and others just left or been asked to leave. There have been moments when I felt lonely and wonder why they left but as the death card in the Avalon oracle deck says "Rejoice, for that which dies fertilizes and fortifies the new. Endings always point to fresh new beginnings."

Today, I find myself single after being married for 10 years, back to my maiden name and knowing that will not change again, not even if I get married again. I have a new group of friends and I believe those who are vibrating at the same level as I am are the ones that have remained by my side and the rest has fallen away. The landscape of my life has changed even though I live in the same place I used to live before but I have made it my own. I worked at the same place I worked before but I have a new title. I am still the Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis but my role as a Priestess is expanding and growing.

Still the same but yet different because I am not holding to those crutches that were keeping me together when I believed I couldn´t walk on my own. Now I realize I am strong alone and when I have people around me, it is because they are mutual and reciprocal. They are not trying just to take from me because I am not just an overgiving mother to everyone, I am also a maiden, a queen and a wise woman, I am a whole woman and I have learned that it is better to be alone than have bad company. And by bad company, I mean those who make you feel lonely even when you are with them.

I know I´ve been composting for the past few months, dealing with a lot of grieving with several people passing including my spiritual mother, my auntie who was like my mother when I was a child and my grandma. I also grieved the broken dreams, the death of relationships that meant so much to me in the past but they no longer had a space in my life. Nothing is constant but change and change brings transformation and as we transform some people are meant to remain by your side while others don´t. I am grateful for the birth, life, and death... I am definitely composting and I am getting ready for rebirth! 36 will be my year!!! It adds to 9 which is  a magic number.

Many blessings,

Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
Member of the Archdruid Union
Founder of Tienda Roja

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Past - Present - Future.... Infinite Possibilities

Journeys...... I still remember the first time I found myself in my car driving to Isis Oasis to be part of the Sunday Scrolls... It was several years ago when I was training to become a Priestess and I heard of this beautiful Oasis filled with Isis energy that Lady Loreon Vigne created for all of us to enjoy. When I heard of such a place, I knew I had to go visit it so I told my witchy friend if she was up for the ride and she said yes! Little did I know that would be the first of many trips to come!

A few years later I found myself making the same journey with my father when I was to attend my first convocation ever and be honored by Lady Olivia Robertson for the creation of Circulo de Isis and the project to translate the Fellowship of Isis Liturgy to Spanish. I see Isis as the Lady of Synchronicity and it was no mistake I chose to take my father in this journey instead of my ex-husband. Somehow, every time I find myself on the way to the Oasis I am doing the journey as a Maiden Queen, complete in myself and my father, Mr. Amor, was the one man selected to join me in my journey as I felt he would benefit from the Temple energy as much as I did. We did two journeys together to the Oasis and I am so grateful he got to meet both Lady Loreon and Lady Olivia. I know he doesn´t understand what I do as a Priestess but I also know he respects it greatly and has built some altars in his house for some of the Goddesses I worship in my own Temple home. If you know my real hair color,  you know I am blonde and my dying the hair black has been a big challenge to most of my family - yes, Grandma Lidia!!!!! I feel you angry about the black hair - stop haunting me for that and the fact I wear no make up!!!! But my father... after being in Isis Oasis twice and experiencing the magick of that place, has been telling my family... "She has black hair because she is a Priestess of Isis and Isis has black hair, don´t you see it?" He has made me smile more than once with that comment!

Last Friday, I found myself in my car driving to Isis Oasis to be part of the Inner Sanctum Symposium of Infinite Possibilities. I was physically alone in the car but I knew many of my ancestors were with me. I could feel Lady Loreon and Lady Olivia in the back of the car along with my mom, my grandmothers and my aunt. We were having a girls party there with the music!! Until I got to a part of the journey where I could see the smoke in the front... There was a fire but I couldn´t tell whether it was a building or a car burning, I started thinking what if a car exploded.... a million of what if´s came to my mind but I managed to stay calm and asked my guides to clear the way for me. Traffic was quite horrible but there is a reason for everything and during that time I just did traffic and surrender the need to control the situation and allow myself the freedom of getting there when the time was right in perfect Isis time.

I arrived at the Oasis close to 6 pm just in time for dinner to find out that I had to come to dinner as my favorite Goddess. The Planning Queen was not prepared and hell did not break lose, I just kept myself in the present time and created a perfect Sekhmet outfit in the spur of the moment... yes! I can create in the spur of the moment and surrender to no plans! Needless to say, when I got to dinner I sat with a Sekhmet sister without even knowing she was coming as the same Goddess as I was coming! That energy definitely calls and we were vibrating at the same energy. When Rain explained our name tags and she mentioned that on the back of the name tag we had a message and that people could approach us to ask what our message was I found my message was "My message is Strength, I am the embodiment of this gift and I give this gift to others with the blessings of Sekhmet." Coincidence?!?! I don´t think so! Isis, Lady of Synchronicity, was at work again making sure everything was just perfect even when I had not planned it. 

On Saturday morning I found out that the words I had planned to say during Lady Loreon´s memorial ritual were not correct.... somehow I had not understand the instructions so I had to come up with new words in the spur of the moment! Are you seeing the pattern?!?! Spur of the moment things!!!!! But as Ava Park has said to me, the Queen plans but she is always open and flexible to adapt to the energies of the environment!

My role in the memorial ritual was the one of representing the Goddess Wadjet, the serpent Goddess! If you know me, you know I am very respectful of reptiles and I keep myself far far away from them! During Saturday, I had plenty of possibilities to be around snakes! Yes, there was one wanting to crowl on me during one of the workshops and I was like... don´t let it get to me! Thank Goddess, no snake crawled on me but I was in high alert for sure! I felt Lady Olivia and Lady Loreon laughing at the contradiction of me being Wadjet but scared of the snakes around me. 

I finally came up with the best Wadjet outfit I could come up with  two hours before the ritual... yes! I am such a non-theatrical Priestess that was hard for me to bring Wadjet energy in a theatrical way! I don´t make up, I don´t dress up... it´s just me! Simple me! Although I could not conjure Egyptian eyes, I was able to bring the Lady of the Serpents out!!! The ritual was a success! I was the only Goddess coming along without a partner but Ra needed the night off and the Goddess can hold it for both of us :) I also felt it was appropriate for me to walk alone and Isis was, once again, playing a big part on the teachings for this weekend. 

We had ice-cream and wine in the pavilion  and felt like home! I think we all needed some comfort food and great company to end a night of feeling that our elder was not there in physical form anymore but she was 100% in spirit! I felt her a couple of times!!!

Sunday came in no time and I had to get ready for my presentation. As I prepared myself to my talk, I felt a little anxious but as my best friend said... I was alive.... If I don´t feel nervous I would be dead. It was my first time speaking at Isis Oasis and I felt quite anxious. I was also stressed about my topic being too feminine and having men in the audience. In the end, it all worked perfectly and even some of the men were running wild saying I am a "Maiden". It was nice to see everything worked out nicely and I could feel all my ancestresses smiling at me because I had made it through.

As I drove back to my home Temple, I reflected back on the past as the first time I went to Isis Oasis and the present time of being a presenter. I also saw a bright future and Lady Loreon Vigne´s legacy continuing in all the Priestesses and Priests that were present in that day and the more ones to come. Isis will bring us together and there are infitine possibilities to bring the Goddess back into our lives.

Many blessings,

Carolina Amor

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

The Spider

What would you say if I tell you I have a black widow living with me in my patio? Some friends said I am crazy and I should kill her while others say I should charge her rent! This lady spider appeared in my patio a few weeks ago and decided to take over the east corner.

First I saw the web because it was surrounding the water faucet for the patio so I cleaned it to get water for my plants... then one night when it was warm I was sitting in the patio and as it got dark I decided to turn on the light and there it was. Itsy bitsy Black Widow Spider hanging from her web! This is not my first encounter with a black widow but I did not feel like I could kill it since she was quietly sitting on her web and she was outside the house in the patio. In the past, my father told me that spiders were protectors and with their webs they protect us from harm. Thinking of him and the fact that Lady Black Widow had decided to cast her web in the east corner I felt some magic was around! 

Unfortunately, Itsy did not prevent the robbers from stealing my bike from the patio as it happened during daytime and she is nowhere to be found at that time but when the sun goes down and the dark sets in, she comes out and creates her magickal web in my patio. Webs symbolize connections and are also associated with The Fates who are always weaving our destinies - past, present and future. Having her in the corner of new beginnings made me think that it´s time to heal the past and focus on the now moment instead of stressing about the future. Being a Virgo, I am usually the one that has many plans for the future and at times I get lost in those plans forgetting to be flexible and adapt to changes.

Black Widows are well known for eating their mates as well as for being very shy spiders. I have to say I did not eat my ex-husband, he chose  to disappear on his own but I am a very shy person and as I face new beginnings in my life, I do it in a timid way and I am very cautious so I can see why I would have no other than a Black Widow in my patio. Spiders are strong and delicate at the same time and I can see at times I look very strong from the outside but when you look deep inside I am quite delicate and vulnerable even though that´s not the image I project to the outside world.

This spider is also teaching me the power of tenacity and the fact that no matter what happens, you can keep going and rebuild. As I mentioned before, she decided to build her web in the water faucet area so I had to clean her web many times as I use the water faucet and every time I cleared it, she comes back that night and starts rebuilding again. No judgement, no crying, no feeling the universe is against her. She just accepts what is and starts to build again. Looking back at the past 6 months since I came back from Argentina, I can see that several times I have felt like everything has collapse and I am living in a perpetual Tower of change but as Itsy is teaching me, I am also given the tool to rebuild my life the way I want it. Why cry for what could have been or was? Why worry about the future? It is what it is and all we can do is get ourselves to work in the now moment so we create a better now moment tomorrow. 

The Divine sends us teachers when we are ready. As a Druid, I see the connections and I pay attention to all dimensions - human, animal, insects, birds, fairies... and all the beings from the multi-universe. I am grafeful for this spider as she teaches me a lot about myself as well as shows me with actions that we are the weavers, we are the web. We are the future, we are the ones that can manifest our own destiny. It may not be with bold moves ,but with perseverance and tenacity, we can create the web of our dreams.

Many blessings,

Carolina Amalia Amor

Thursday, June 5, 2014

2014 Half Point - do you need to adjust the course?

June is here! We have reached the mid-point! What have you accomplished since January 1, 2014? Are you manifesting your goals? Do you feel that continuing this way will get you to your goal by year end? The time to change course is now! You still have half a year to go, modify your direction to hit home. 

It´s interesting to see that we reach mid-year and we have a few planets going retrograde or about to do so. When planets turn retrograde, they ask us to review, redo, rearrange, reconsider and all those other re- you can come up with. We have been dealing with Pluto Retro since April 13 and it will go direct after September 21. Pluto is transiting the sign of Capricorn (the sign rule by Saturn) asking us to review our structures and let go of those that are outdates and have no purpose anymore. Coincidentally Saturn is Retro in Pluto´s sign - Scorpio. This rulership opposition is making us feel a lot of tension because we are trying to place structure in our deep self but at the same time we are asked to let go of all those foundations we built before so we can move to the next level. Neptune will turn retrograde in Piscis on June 9. Neptune is the ruler of Piscis so this planet´s need to spend more time in that sign is a call for us to surrender and to flow. With the continuos pressure of Saturn and Pluto in each other´s sign, we need Neptune to help us ease the pressure and shows us the way so we do not self-destruct but instead we find the way to our new vision of life. 

Mercury will be turning Retro this Saturday, June 7, in the sign of Cancer. As I mentioned in previous blogs, when this planet turns retro you can expect miscommunications, problems with transportation, with computers, with communications and in the sign of Cancer, I would say expect issues at home - the sink breaks down, the cooker does not work anymore, the fridge goes out... the list goes on. 

Fear not my friends! Retrograde planets are a blessing in disguise because at times we become complacent and start taking things for granted so there comes the wake up call that says "Hey! Are you sure this is what you want in your life?" and you are given another chance to re-evaluate and re-adjust the course so you reach your destination and not get lost in the woods of life.

Talking about getting lost in the woods of life... today a cockroach got lost in my palace.... yes, you heard it right. It was the first time in 11 years that I saw a flying cockroach in California. I used to see them all the time when I lived in Buenos Aires but never had any issues here. If you know me, you know I have cockroach phobia! I can´t even get close to them as I have a mix of fear and repulsion that paralyzes me. When I saw this little fellow borderline dead in my home, I was shocked. I couldn´t help but think... "Wow what is this sign about? a cockroach in the house..... I thought I had cleaned up my life!" I was about to leave it where it was sitting but then I decided to get all my strength and courage and swept it away. Yes, I got my magickal broom and I swept the cockroach out of my house and as it left, I said "You are not welcome here anymore, don´t come back."After this episode I was proud because I had dealt with the issue by myself and also because it felt like powerful magick was taking place. I was telling the universe I don´t want any more cockroaches in my life, there is no space for them so keep them away. 

The cockroach incident made me think that it is time to look inside the closets of my life one more time to make sure that everything is in alignment with my purpose in life. At times, there may be sneaky things that get in the way but we are half way through 2014 and self assessment is due! Don´t let distractions take you away from your destination! Are you happy with the results you are seeing? If yes, keep going. If not, maybe it´s time to adjust the course because if you always do what you´ve always done, you will continue getting what you´ve always got, it´s that simple. You want something different then do something different. Change starts with you! Take the driver seat of your life today and make sure your internal GPS is set to your destination!

Many blessings,

Carolina Amalia Amor

Sunday, May 25, 2014

The Forgotten Trail

Yesterday I was hiking with a friend when we noticed the name of the trail we were walking on... The Forgotten Trail. When I saw this name I couldn´t help but think how appropriate as there are so many times in life when we walk the same trail but we have forgotten all about it. The terrain feels familiar, the situations resonate but we can´t seem to figure out where the feelings are coming from.

How many times have you been in a situation and felt like you are in a deja vu moment? You start experiencing the same feelings you felt before, the same reactions, the same emotions. This is a sign that the lesson may not have been learned or that you have forgotten that trail. Sometimes we learn the lessons but as time passes we forget and we need to be reminded that we do not want to be in that trail again as you know the destination and it´s not a place you want to be at.

During this year, I´ve been faced with many times where I was like... Wasn´t I here 12 years ago? Didn´t I experience this last year? Wasn´t I in the same situation 7 years ago? Some situations have a tendency to repeat themselves with different people and different places but sometimes they happen with the same person and then you wonder how many chances can I give this person to show me that this is who they are and that is not in alignment with who I am. One strike... two strikes... three strikes??? Actions speak more than words and when you are aware and awake you can see the connections and the repetitions, you can see the correlations and then decide if you want to continue playing that game or it´s time to do a check mate and move on. 

When we are faced with a situation repeating itself with the same person, you have to ask yourself whether you are trying to change that person or whether you can accept them like they are or whether they need to be out of your life. If you are trying to change them, you should just walk away as nobody changes for another person, just they do it for themselves and you will be waiting forever trying to get an apple out of an orange tree. If you can accept them as they are, just loved them and accept them and try to figure out why certain behaviors trigger you so you can work on them. Some people are in our lives to trigger transformation for us and their pushing our buttons is just another way the Universe sends us helpers to move us along our journey. You can also try to accept them as they are but realized that the behaviors are in total opposition of who you are and therefore the time has come to let that person go. 

As you walk in the journey of life, you will find new trails, you will rediscover other trails, and every now and then you may find the forgotten trail. When that happens, bless it and thank it for the lessons in the past but remember you don´t need to walk it once again.

Many blessings,

Carolina Amalia Amor

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Forever Grateful

Time flies!! Today I celebrate my 11 year anniversary of moving to the USA. I still remember how nervous I was when I was going to the US Embassy for my interview to grant me a conditional green card to come over to this country. I had to face that interview all by myself because my ex-husband had to come back after we got married to work and couldn´t go back to Argentina for the interview. I had jumped all the hoops and felt so powerless against all the bureaucracy but this man who was interviewing me made me feel like home. He spoke Spanish and I spoke English. We both show respect to each other and he understood how stressful the whole process was. I was told my papers would be ready in three days so I bought my ticket and even though at that time I was suffering from pneumonia and the doctor said I should not travel, I still got on that plane with my magic envelope (yes, remember the magic envelope I mentioned a few blogs ago, the one that took me straight to the immigrations office when I landed in Miami to have my fingerprints done and legally enter the USA).

There was nothing that would stop me from coming to this country. I was sure I wanted to live here and the power of love was moving me as I had only spent two weeks with my new husband and we had been separated for a couple of months while the paperwork was being processed. Young love moves mountains!

Looking back, it was not an easy road! I had to work in the Dollar Tree to make a living even thought I spoke two languages, had a college degree and I was more than capable. Then I spent two years working in the daycare facility of a popular hotel here in California because I felt comfortable around children who would not judge my accent or my shyness. I went from job to job until I found the one I am currently on. I went to university here to earn yet another degree to be able to have better chances in this country. As I said, it was not an easy road but each challenge presented opportunities to grow and learn new things. It´s easier to survive when you know you have your family by your side and if something goes wrong, you can run to your parents home and be safe. It´s also easier when you are in familiar territory and the traditions and culture are the same. People may not understand you. You may feel lonely and homesick. You may miss the food, the language, the people but in the end you get used to it. Once you get there, you start seeing the beauty of this world where there are opportunities for those who work hard and it is definitely the land of the free.

Today, I find myself in my own home looking at all I have accomplished in these 11 years. How much different I am from that girl that landed in Miami scared but filled with hope for a brighter future with the man she loved. Today, I can say I am grateful for the journey and there would be nothing I would change or do differently because each and every experience has made me who I am today.  I am forever grateful to my ex-husband for bringing me to this country and showing me a country that I learned to love and today I call my home. Last year, I was faced with the choice of staying or going back to Argentina, and I chose to stay in this land. I am a citizen of the world like my father. Today my home is California, tomorrow who knows. All I know is that I am forever grateful for having the opportunity to live in California and I am looking forward to the lessons the years to come will bring. I am blessed!

Many blessings,

Carolina Amalia Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
Member of the Archdruid Union
Founder of Tienda Roja

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Tsunami - Ready for the big wave?

Pressure building! The tectonic plates of our foundations are shaking! Are you ready to ride the big wave of this year? What things have you been holding to in your life even though you know they don´t serve a purpose anymore? Are you attached to things that are not good for you for fear of the unknown? What are you trying to resuscitate even though you know it is a DNR type of relationship or situation?

As the Moon drives the tides, we are being driven by the energies that are transiting the skies at this time. Mars is calling us to re-evaluate how we face assertiveness and how we engage in our battles. It´s also calling for diplomacy as it is transiting Libra but is being politically correct the right choice at this time? Sometimes you have to be cruel to show you love deeply.   

Saturn is stationed retrograde in Scorpio since March 2 asking us to really look deep into the core structures in our lives. Scorpio is associated with death, taxes and the underworld. Saturn is connected to our structures and how we build our foundations. Sometimes you have to demolish in order to be able to build again. It´s time to look at the skeletons in the closet, bury them and let them go because they don´t serve you anymore so when we rebuild our foundations, we do it on firm and solid ground.

Uranus is transiting Aries at this time fueling Mars in Libra because fire and air only build a bigger fire. Uranus is the planet of fast resolution. It is associated with the Tower card in the Tarot and the energy that this planet has is very electric. When we experience its energy, we usually end up in a state of shock because things have moved very quickly and changed almost over night. Uranus is the pioneer and the one that helps us think outside the box. While transiting Aries, Uranus asks us to take the lead in thinking differently. How can we look at different situations and find a better way? Can we take a different approach? 

Pluto is transiting Capricorn at this time and it´s connecting with Saturn and helping us let go of some of those structures that we have built in the past but are no longer needed. Pluto is the ruler of Scorpio and Saturn the ruler of Capricorn so it brings a stronger connection as Saturn is transiting Pluto´s sign and viceversa. Another connection here is that Pluto will turn retrograde on April 14 just before a Lunar Eclipse in Libra on April 15 putting emphasis in the current theme of change and transformation, of letting go and moving on to the next phase in our lives. Pluto is associated with the Death card in the Tarot and it usually brings change in a slower pace than Uranus. Change is change no matter how but when Pluto is involved, there is more pain and grief than a state of shock. 

These four planets are dancing in the skies forming a grand cross during this month. This planetary aspect is pressing us to make decisions, to evaluate, to think differently, and to demolish old structures so newer ones can take place. We can not continue functioning the way we used to in the past. Many of our foundations are shaking these days and we are being pushed to break some of them in order to transcend to the next level. After the earthquake comes the tsunami. April is the month of the big wave that will wash away anything and everything that is not rooted on solid ground. Use this month to look within, to ask yourself the hard questions, and step forward without looking back. 

Are you ready for the big wave? You can choose to ignore it, swim against it or just ride it so it can take you to your destination - a new you! Don´t fear! Just trust! There is a rainbow on the other side.

Many blessings,

Carolina Amalia Amor

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Expecting pears out of the elm tree

As I find myself in my island, I feel like in the movie cast away where the main character is talking to the coconut called Wilson... I talk to my teddy owl named Kukoo II (yep, Kukoo I stayed in Buenos Aires last December as he became international and my father claimed him as his protection totem!). He has become my companion for the past two months since I started living alone. He is the one that is always there looking at me with his big round eyes and saying like my mother used to say "no esperes peras del olmo, Caro" (or something like don´t expect to get pears out of the elm tree). He is also saying "you are alone but not lonely and alone time is not that bad. Don´t compromise in situations or relationships that are less than perfect out of fear of being alone. You are amazing with all your shadows and light and relationships should be mutual and reciprocal."

When I decided to end my marriage, I did it out of the realization that relationships should be mutual and reciprocal and not out of routine and fear of loneliness. In my heart, I knew that even when we were not fighting or arguing continuously, we were also not having a relationship. I also knew that separating would be the best decision for the both of us so we each can find a more fulfilling life and a relationship that could be more enriching than the one we were having. I know that my ancestors would have frown upon my decision because we definitely have the tribal belief that marriage is forever and even in the 21st Century, there is still the stigma of divorce. I also know that I am healing some karma from my family tree as I am sure some of the women in the family may have wanted to get a divorce but were too scared about breaking the traditions and really embracing the fact that they deserved to be happy and fulfilled and not be tied in an unhappy home dynamic out of fear of being kicked out of the tribe. It took courage to look at the situation and make such a drastic decision but I knew I could not change the person he was or ask for something he was not able to give me because I would be expecting pears out of the elm tree. He could not give me pears so I had to set him free.

I have also seen this dynamic played in other relationships in my life where I am finding myself expecting things from other people that they are not able to give me. The other day I was in my counseling session when the counselor asked me "do you think this person can give you what you want or need?" and I found myself responding no. Reality is that we set expectations on others and if they don´t fulfill them, we are hurt and disappointed but it is only the fact that they failed to meet our expectation what makes us sad. It´s up to us to realize whether the container we have set for that person as a friend is the container they can fit. Are you trying to put a square stick into a round whole? It will not fit no matter how much force you exert on it. In those moments, you need to realize that the only thing left to do is bless that relationship and let go even when it is painful.

The other day I was listening to the song "Let it go" by Demi Lovato and the words really resonating with me:

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all.

Standing frozen
In the life I've chosen.
You won't find me.
The past is all behind me
Buried in the snow.

Let it go, let it go!

As I listened to those lyrics, I felt as if they were talking to me. I know I have faced many of my fears in the past year and I´ve come out the other way. I am still standing and strong. I have also realized that things have to change in my life and a major clean up and redesign was due. As I keep searching within, I know more things will need to go as they don´t vibrate at the same level I am vibrating now and they will have no place in my new life. I also know that I will stop expecting to get pears out of the elm tree. I may get amazing shade from the elm tree but I will not get pears so if shade is what I need at the time, those things may stay, but if I need a pear, I will not settle for less.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
Member of the Archdruid Union
Founder of Tienda Roja

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Do Rain!

I love Stuart Wilde!!! Too bad he passed away last year but his teachings will remain with us forever. Today, I decided to pop in his Infinite Self CD in the car as I was driving to work and I was reminded of what I knew before but I have forgotten during these past few months. As I listened to him talking about discipline and the mind and how when we are stuck in traffic we should just do traffic and don´t engage in emotions, I thought about the past few months when I´ve been engaged in many emotions that have not been very productive. They have actually been very damaging in a sense because they have left me with feelings of loneliness and not being enough, feelings of no matter how much I give I am left alone and fears of trusting.

Mr. Wilde was right when he said the ego likes playing with us and our minds, it also likes to let our fears run loose, and in a way they run the show. Every time we engage in emotions such as anger, we are giving our power away to those emotions. If it is raining and you are so concerned of getting wet because the ego will get inconvenienced with the rain and does not like cold water running down the neck, that´s a time to train your ego that it is not in charge. You and your infinite self are in charge and your purpose may imply something that is not very comfortable to your ego but you still have to push your barriers and move forward.

It is hard to just do rain. It´s hard to just do traffic. It´s also hard to do upset boss but with training we are able to do those emotions without engaging, just being an observer of life. We are able to detect those emotions and just tell the ego it´s ok and it will not bother you.

When I heard my boss´boss was giving her two week´s notice and we have a filing coming up in which I´ve been working non-stop since January, I first got upset and shocked as I started thinking of all the things we have to redo in 10 days and then I realized we can do it, we can do "redo". It is what it is and sometimes we can´t push the river so we just have to go with the flow.

The same has happened to me with other situations lately such as some of my loved ones passing and me having to do grieving. I was also faced with the end of my marriage and I had to do divorce and now I have to do single again. Life is such an experience and we are always faced with change but it is how we handle change and our emotions that defines our experiences. It is our response to events that determines some outcomes. We can get angry about destiny or we can embrace it. We can be sad about losses or we can let them go knowing that they will leave space for new things to come because when one door closes another one opens.

As I ran tonight, I thought the future begins now. It´s time to stop focusing on the future or the past but live in the present moment and be detached from emotions that are not healthy for me. It´s time to just be and enjoy life. I live in a great place, I have a beautiful home, a good job that allows me to live by myself and I am the leader of a wonderful community. I have so many things to be grateful for and many times I focused on what I don´t have. It´s time to forget the future because the future is now! and the actions I take today will ripple into the future outcomes! It´s time to stop engaging with emotions that do not serve me anymore and instead just be! Be present! Be open! Trust and just Do Rain!

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
Member of the Archdruid Union
Founder of Tienda Roja

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Strong but Flexible... Lead Away

For the longest time, I thought the best way of protection was to shield. Shield against all the unwanted energies that were coming to you. Put up a wall, a brick wall that can not be penetrated with anything but in putting up  that wall you spend a lot of energy with keeping your guard up, and you have less energy to spend in manifesting your dreams.

A few years ago, one of my counselors asked me why I spent so much time protecting and keeping people away instead of letting them in and leading away those whose energies did not resonate with me. At that time, it seemed not possible to be able to let people in who did not have the best intentions, those people who seemed to take only, those people who had their own agendas or their own benefit in mind and did not really care about me. Those relationships that were co-dependent or not mutual and reciprocal.

A few years after, my best friend introduced me to martial arts and I learned the way of wo wei.. or no action.. or leading away. I still recall the time that we were pushing and he told me...  you are strong.... but it takes less energy to lead away so you can hit harder after that. It´s not about resisting but of feeling and finding the center line. When you find the center line you can definitely move that person away pretty fast. To find the center line you have to feel, you can´t shield. To feel you have to let the person in, you can´t build the brick wall and just protect. If you do that, you don´t know what is on the other side of the wall because you are spending all your energy protecting.

Between my former counselor and my best friend, I started feeling that there may be no use in holding up a wall or living in a fortress so nobody can come inside but instead it was time to use my intuition and my deeper self to determine who can come close to me, who I will lead away and who will I take up to battle but a Queen only goes to battle when she has eliminated all other options and she knows she will win. Like in chess, you may sacrifice some pieces in order to get to Mate.

There is no doubt that I am a strong lady but it´s time to become flexible and let myself feel what is coming towards me so I can definitely lead away those things or relationships that do not belong in my realm.

Lead away.....

Many blessings,

Lady C. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
Member of the Archdruid Union
Founder of Tienda Roja

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Presumed Innocent

What a week! I was summoned to Jury Duty on Thursday and when I arrived there, I found out that I was chosen for a murder trial. A domestic violence case that ended up with a woman stabbed to death. I was shocked and I knew within myself I could not be a juror in such a case because I am not sure if I could be impartial as well as presumed this person did not kill this young lady until proven guilty beyond the reasonable doubt. Thank Goddess I was dismissed on Friday after two days of jury selection process that left me with a feeling of how the justice system works in this country.

While I was going through the process, I couldn´t help but think how hard it is to start with no preconceptions and assume the person is innocent. Somehow, if something happens in my life, I tend to look at the circumstantial evidence and determine what happened with my own assumptions and intuition. In doing so, I may fail to see the full picture because I don´t know 100% of the facts every time. If a person says one thing and then does another, does this person´s word is less than this person´s actions? If a person does not follow through with what they said they would do, are they still innocent or should they be considered guilty of charge? How many chances you give a person that shows you with actions that they are not walking their talk?

In the book The Four Agreements, one of the agreements is "don´t make assumptions" because assumptions are usually wrong. When we have the facts, it´s still hard not to make assumptions of what is going on and keep the mind open to believe the person is still innocent until proven guilty. I think the jury duty experience made me really think about how at times my judgement may be wrong and how I may begin with the assumption that the person is guilty until proven innocent. This situation may come from disappointments in the past and the inability to trust again due to previous negative experiences. 

Sometimes we need to learn to trust and know that we may not have all the facts to determine whether the person is guilty or innocent and in those cases, we have to give the person the reasonable benefit of the doubt but if they continuously do the same thing again and again, then it comes a time that we have to deem them guilty and move on but before that, it´s important to presume them innocent.

Many Blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Rest, Reflect, and Remember

There are times in life when everything seems to go wrong and no matter what part in your life you look at, everything seem off. The Universe has its ways of showing us the way to transformation. The other day,  the new CEO of the company I work for said that one of his mottos was that the only constant in life was change. When I heard that, I couldn´t help but think he was right. If we are not changing and evolving, growing and transforming, we would be stagnant. I would say the only certainties in life are not death and taxes but death and change. 

2013 brought lots of change to my life. I did not get the job I wanted, my grandma passed, Lady Olivia passed, one of my aunties passed, I got divorced and I also got a rude awakening in other relationships in my life. Now, in 2014, I find myself trying to catch my breath and rest. I redecorated my home the way I always wanted and it has become my sanctuary, my place of rest and relaxation. I have also discovered how much of myself I have forgotten in the past 10 years of living in this country. I am definitely reflecting on the past decade and the changes that have taken place and I try to remember the good, the bad and the ugly so I can heal those wounds from the past and not repeat them again.

It´s not surprising that the planetary aspects in the skies are really aligned with the energies I am experiencing. With Venus Retrograde in Capricorn on December 22, we began a process of re-evaluating all the relationships in our lives and how we love ourselves and others. It´s a time to put under the microscopes those relationships that do not serve us anymore and let them go. We are also asked about how we connect with our professions and whether our job is our career or just a job. If it is just a job, then it´s time to find something more connected with our soul purpose and let go of those things that are obsolete for us and do not bring us any joy.

Mercury turned Retrograde in Piscis on February 7 and it will stay retrograde till February 28 leaving it´s shadow period in mid-March. Piscis talks about idealization and sacrifice. Mercury is asking us to ponder in what areas in our lives are we just sacrificing ourselves. It also asks us to re-evaluate why at times we may not trust our intuition when it tries to communicate us messages that are important to us.

Mars will turn Retrograde in Libra on March 1 pushing us to re-evaluate how we deal with anger, conflict and assertiveness. Saturn will also turn Retrograde in March in the sign of Scorpio asking us to rethink how we deal with power, responsibility and intimacy issues.

As you can see, 2014 starts with several planets turning Retrograde so we can take the time and rethink, re-evaluate, re-vision, and re-do many things that have not worked fine in the past, relationships that do not serve us anymore, jobs that are not meant for us, conflict that could have been dealt better with, among other things. 

With a New Moon in Piscis on February 28, we are asked to think where do we need to trust our intuition and take a leap of faith? We are being challenged to empty ourselves of limiting concepts and beliefs, bitterness and resentment, shame, blame and guilt - anything that holds us back in duality and darkness. Like the caterpillar morphing into a butterfly, we are dissolving old patterns so we can transform, transmute and transcend old patterns. 

With 2014 being the year of the horse, we are asked to move forward but before we can do so, we have to rest, reflect and remember so the direction we choose is align with our soul purpose and our mission in life. 

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor