Sunday, June 21, 2015

No need to be invisible anymore... You are safe.

Have you ever felt that you needed to be the wall flower in your life? Have you ever felt that it was not safe for you to be seen? I have. Not only I was brought up in a big city filled with dangers,  a place where you do not want to call attention to yourself, you don´t want to be the prey because there are so many predators out there! But I also felt it was not safe to be seen in my own house. There were dangers beyond my ability to understand at that age that made me feel I should not voice my feelings because it was not safe. I should not stand out because it was not safe. I should not be too visible because it was not safe. It was much better to be invisible than be seen. That was the beginning of a story of shyness, of not wanted to dress too much so I would not call attention towards me, I would speak the bare minimum and keep my silence... I did everything I could to just be invisible.

When I decided to become a Priestess, I knew that there would be a time where I would need to come to the front line and face my fears. I had to accept that I had a valid message and a voice, and my voice was important. I need to realize that it was okay to be the center of attention at times and get comfortable in my own skin to be able to face audiences. I had to learn to love my body the way it is even if I am quite bigger than I was when I was in Argentina. I used to be 130 but that number seems unreal and after an eating disorder, I learned weight does not translate in beauty. I am created in the image of the Goddess and since She is beautiful, I am beautiful as well.

After 6 years of being initiated, I have faced a few presentations, workshops, rituals, and I can say that even though I still get nervous, now I am feeling much more comfortable in my own skin and I am not invisible anymore. I think getting nervous is normal and a sign that I am alive but it is facing the fear and doing it anyway what gives me power. I still have the little voice inside myself that says it´s not safe to call attention to yourself or to speak your truth but my inner self is stronger now and does it anyways because it is okay to have a voice, it is okay to take some space, it is okay to take time, and I don´t need to apologize for that or become invisible. I am a lighthouse and I am here to illuminate the way for those who are lost and scared. I don´t need to hide. It is perfectly fine to shine with my own light and bring my message to the world.

Many blessings,

Carolina Amalia Amor

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