Ready for Winter Solstice, Ready for a New Beginning

It began with the Winter Solstice of 2012 -  12/21/12. That was the last time I experienced a Winter Solstice and it was a memorable one. It was the beginning of the end. The end of my marriage, the end of the life as I knew it in the United States, and the beginning of reclaiming who I was and who I am. I had adapted to this country losing parts of myself in the process, parts that I reclaimed as I reclaimed my sovereignty. As I reclaimed my maiden name, I reclaimed myself, my roots, my authentic self. I was done with settling for less than what I deserved or looked at the other side. It was time to look at life in the eye and be reborn. This time, be reborn in my true self, the independent woman I always was, the one that did not want to be a mother to her partner but a real partner. 

Little did I know that the moment I made that decision, I was also going to get into a loop that would take me to have 7 summer solstices in a row. Like having a forever Full Moon, I was riding the wave of summer and completion for three years in a row, experiencing the peaks and the ends but not experiencing new beginnings. 2013 marked the first time that I returned home for Christmas after moving to the United States. For some reason, I had sacrificed my family to spend the holidays with my ex-husband´s family. I will always remember that trip. I found out my divorce was final when I was there and my best friend and I had a divorce party or better said, a welcome to single life party! Since then, I have been going back home every Christmas and that has become a tradition until this year. 

Some traditions are meant to be kept and others are meant to be broken. I think this tradition was based on fear of being alone for the holidays. I feared not finding myself in the United States now that I am divorced. I left everything behind following love and now that love did not exist anymore. Even though, I decided not to move back home and stay here, my new home. The holidays are portals where emotions are up in the air and we tend to feel vulnerable so my way to cope with the feelings was to go back home. 

My divorce was just the beginning of loss in my life. I had to go through grieving my grandmother, my spiritual mother and my auntie as well as several friendships that turned sour once I found myself again and I was not going to tolerate some behaviors. In the past, I may have played the role of mother and caregiver, I may have given more than my fair share in relationships but now, it´s a different story and that has left me with the people that really matter around me. They may be few but better to have a few great ones than many mediocre ones. 

This year I have also found my puppy companion - Pepa Amor. It was January 20, one week after my mom´s birthday, when I saw an ad in Craig´s list offering a Chihuahua pug for free. I asked the universe for that kind of dog and there she was. I texted Jose when I saw the ad and asked if she was still available. She was! I went to see her that same day and our first meeting was interesting as she would not take any of the treats I brought for her. I looked into her eyes and I asked the Universe, is this my puppy? I heard yes. That´s all I needed. There was no leash, no bed, not anything for her. She looked as scared as I did when we got into my car. New adventure???? We went to the pet store and got her a few essentials and that´s how our story began. Now she is my baby and my companion. She is my angel. As I write this blog, she is on my lap and never leaves my side when I am home. Every time I come home, she welcomes me with unconditional love and happiness to see me. She means the world to me so how could I leave her alone during the holidays? I am not!

2016 marks the beginning of a new tradition. The tradition of staying home for the holidays. Pepa and I will celebrate Winter Solstice together and we will set the intentions for the new beginnings for the year to come. We will witness the return of the light and we will enjoy seeing the light grow. I´ve been running from the shadows for too long and I am now ready for a new beginning, a new light and 2016 is the year for that. The year to set new beginnings because I am ready! I am ready for love! I am ready for success! I am ready to shine my light and embrace the lighthouse I am!

Love and Light,

Rev. Carolina A. Amor

www.caroamor.com

Invest in Yourself!

Certain weeks have certain topics, this week, the topic was how you invest in yourself. We are wired to think about others before we think about ourselves. We give to others before we give to ourselves. Not many people are able to follow the mandate from the airplane security message "put your oxygen mask first, then help the other". Most people would die without oxygen because they would be caring and catering to the needs of others at the expense of their own needs. Where does this concept come from? Why is it so easy to give and so hard to receive? 

I was meditating on this topic this week and it wasn´t until I talked to my teacher and mentor, Sonia, when I realized that I was enabling people who were not interested in investing in themselves by not charging a fee or offering very reduced prices. Did I think my services were not worth the money? Why did I have such a hard time charging for a service I provide? I have no issues paying fees for classes or for readings or for anything that will move me forward in my evolutionary journey. Why is it so easy for me to pay for myself but I can hardly ask for people to pay for my services? Sonia´s response was that in past lives, I was providing the same services but I did not need to make a living because my needs were covered by the convent I was part of. I was helping poor people, homeless people and those who did not have the means to pay for my services. Today, people are able to pay for things, they are not homeless or poor, and my needs are not met by the convent as I don´t belong to any convent! 

The Universe has very interesting ways to sending us messages. Today, I was working at the Mystic Dream when a lady came in. She looked like a homeless woman. She parked her trolley outside with her belongings and entered the store. She wanted a 15 minute reading. I explained to her what I did and the prices and she had her reading. She enjoyed the reading and she found it helpful. She paid the fee and left. I was surprised but I know she was an angel. She showed me that even the homeless can pay for my services if they are interested in investing in themselves. It broke my paradigm from the past that said give things for free, they can´t afford it. The time has come to begin with self-respect and demand respect from others. Also respect the people´s right to not want to invest in themselves and in their growth. It is ok to let them be. When they are ready to invest in themselves, you will be there.

How does investing in yourself look like? It does not look the same for everyone. For some, may be to have a bubble bath. For others, to read a favorite book. It can also be to watch a nice movie or cuddle with a love one. Investing in yourself means putting yourself first and investing the time and money to help you grow or investing in your happiness. You can not help anybody else if you don´t help yourself first. You need to charge your batteries first and you do that by dedicating time or money or both to your well being (physical, emotional, spiritual). My reading today showed me that everyone can invest in themselves, it is just a question of choice. Today chose yourself. You are the best investment.

Blessings,

Rev. Carolina Amor

www.caroamor.com