Monday, December 12, 2016

Vulnerable - needs a new code

Vulnerable seemed to be a bad word when I was a child. I had to be tough, I had to be strong, I had to be wonder woman being able to do everything on my own. When my mother was sick, I could not be weak, I could not show my feelings, I just had to stand up in front of the doctors and be firm. I still remember the day when I was 16, and I told my mother´s psychiatrist that he needed to place her under care because I was not a nurse and my mother was a liability for herself and I. If something were to happen to either of us, it would be his fault and I would make sure he paid for it. I don´t think he saw that coming from me but I am sure he felt I was seriously honest and he could mark my words. 

I was very young when I learned that I needed to be either alpha or invisible. I could go from one to the other on command. My preference was being invisible as I did not like to confront or push people. Being vulnerable was like being weak and something I would never want anybody to associate with me. If I wasn´t invisible, I wanted to be strong, solid, tough, and impersonal. 

Moving to the United States only increased the feeling that being vulnerable was no right. As I moved to this country, I shielded. I had no family, no close friends, only my ex-husband. He was my rock, he was everything to me here and that was not fair on him. As the years passed, I expanded my circle and I rediscover who I was. Still, the code that said  being vulnerable is not right never went away. Somehow, there is a program running in the back of my mind that says being vulnerable is not right. When you are vulnerable you are not in control and if you are not in control bad things happen. If you are vulnerable, you are human and you are not wonder woman. If you are vulnerable, you may need to ask for help and that´s uncomfortable. All these programs have been running in the back of my mind and it is time for them to get hacked and reprogramed. 

The new program talks about trust, forgiveness and strength coming from confidence and self love and not control.  Trust that the Universe has your back and no matter what is happening in your life, it´s all part of the bigger picture. Trust that you are always protected and things will be alright. 

A heart filled with resentment and regret is not a happy heart so reprogram yourself to let go of the past and say as they say in the ho´oponopono tradition "I am sorry, please forgive me, Thank you, I love you". In order to forgive, you need to be able to let go. Similar to holding your keys in your hand and dropping them, you need to be able to let go of those cords that tie you to the past. Say sorry, thank the situation, love the situation and let it go.

Confidence and Self-Love come from within. One technique that works for increasing self love is mirror work. I learned this technique from Louise Hay and her Mirror Work class, actually Mirror Play class. Nothing is going to change until you are able to love yourself first. Everyday, try to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love you, I really, really love you". They say "fake it till you make it" and there is some truth to that. Nobody said it would be easy but mirror play is worth in gold. 

If you combine Trust, Forgiveness and Self-Love, you will realize that being vulnerable is not a bad thing but it is a normal stage of being human and it does not need to feel wrong. It is all in the program and having other programs running in the background helps you feel that it is fine to be vulnerable because being vulnerable makes  you human, it makes you who you are and it makes you real.

Vulnerable- needs a new code.

Many blessings,

Rev. Carolina A. Amor

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