Every year, as my birthday gets closer, I start thinking about all the things that have taken place during the past year and take inventory of what I've done and what I would like to accomplish in the next year. This process helps me see whether there are patterns in my life I need to change, patterns I need to incorporate, and things I need to let go of because they no longer serve me.
While taking inventory, this year I realized that I got lost in the woods for a while. It feels like some areas of my life have become dormant or were put on the back burner while I was coping with some situations that took precedence. Looking back, I can see my spiritual path was put on stand by while my Chinese journey took off. Somehow, a part of me feels that when I commit to something, I have to give that thing 101% and everything else needs to drop off because I have to devote my full attention to that thing that has become the focus of interest. Being aware of that, I know I can get consumed by an idea, a relationship, or a thing and lose sight of the big picture. Since the last New Moon in Virgo, I started realizing that I needed to bring more balance in my life. That even though I love Chinese, I need to bring my spirituality back into my life and find a way to live a more harmonious life instead of all my energies being tied into one thing. It was as if the Goddess have come back into my life and said "Daughter, I have let you wander in the woods, get lost in the mists for a while, but it is time to come back now, it's time to wake up and get back on the path - you can't be lost forever, you have to find your way back."
In the book Tao of Womanhood, Diane Dreher says "The wisdom of Ecclesiastes tells us that there is, "a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away." I know the time has come for me to find balance. I think the scarcity mentality has led me to believe I don't have enough time to study Chinese, be a Priestess, and have a fulfilled life. Now it is time for me to realize that I can find a way to do the things I love and lead a whole and healthy life.
In her book, Diane Dreher also talks about the honorable closure and says "We don't want to be quitters, so we stay involved with unwanted commitments, dead-end jobs, or unhealthy relationships instead of moving on." Knowing when to let go and move on is a skill not many of us have developed. Many times we stick with things just because we are unable to accept the time has come to move on, that what it was great yesterday, it may not be as good today. What was perfect ten years ago may have become obsolete now. It's up to us to be able to determine where our energies are tied and whether we need to say goodbye to a person, change jobs or change a behavior because the old is not fulfilling anymore.
I think I've been lost for a while but now it's time to come back to life and back to my journey. I do feel as if I am "lost and found."