Some people say when it rains, it pours and I can agree with that at times. Last week was one of those weeks when everything was going the wrong direction and I felt myself sinking as the week went by. We could say the final eclipse that took place on July 1st really brought me down. As I fell with a 100 fever and a horrible cold, I couldn't help but feel miserable. Being sick is horrible, but being sick during the summer is even worse! But the story does not end up there, being sick in the summer with a pregnant boss is off the charts. As I felt better on Wednesday, I decided to go back to work because I couldn't afford spending my days off sick but as soon as I got there I was asked "did you go to the doctor?" and my answer was ... no. This response was followed by the question "are you contagious?" again, the answer was "I don't know." As I became a high risk and felt like I needed to be quarantine, I left work and came to work from home. Now I had to go see a doctor to certify I was not contagious so I could go back to the office.
I was already down after feeling I was sick and a liability when I got to the doctor's office. As I got there, the routine is always the same - temperature, blood pressure and weight. I looked around for the scale as the nurse guided me when I get to a wall that has a huge metal platform parallel to the wall. As she lowered the platform, I realized this was like a biggest loser scale for people who weight 500 pounds. As I stepped on the scale, I could hear the bip, bip, bip in my head and the voice saying "Carolina your new weight is.... you have put on 12 pounds since your last weight in."
My self-esteem was taking a hit and that was not the end of it. As the week continued, my boss told me that she was sending me to the New Employee On-boarding class (NEO for short). You may be thinking that is a great opportunity to further education and receive more training but having a New Employee Training after working for a company for 6 years in two different departments sounded sort of crazy. Not to mention the amount of joking I received since many people know me and they were as amazed as I was that I was attending this training. My response ranged from they finally made it official... to I am not an illegal alien anymore!!
As my confidence was going in a downward spiral, reality hit me on the head and I wonder why I was letting outside situations or people to determine how I felt about myself. Why would I let others determine my own value? Can other people really know how much I am worth or is it up to me to decide? Can I feel enough on my own right and not look for validation in others? Validation is like a double edge sword because on one side it can boost our ego but on the other, we become dependent on it and forget that we don't need anybody to tell us how wonderful we are, how great of a work we do, or anything for that matter. We are valuable just for who we are - unique individuals that have something special to offer to this world, whatever that something is. Don't look for validation! Don't let outside situations make you feel bad! You are your own compass and your own judge, just live from the heart and love yourself as you want others to love you and everything will be fine.