The other day, I was talking to Ava Park during our Queen Counsel session and she brought this to my attention. She asked me if I really knew what was essential for me in a relationship and what would be a good to have but we can live without. Being an Enneagram # 2, I usually focus on what I don´t have in the relationship instead of looking at what is there and the good parts of what the other person is doing to show me that he or she loves me. For example, if I am sick, is my partner bringing me food and taking care of my needs or is he acting as if nothing happens and ignores my needs? I think I feel loved when my partner brings me a cup of soup when I am in bed and I feel very sick.
One thing that is essential for me is that my partner listens to me and when I say listen, I mean active listening. I need to feel that the other person is engaged in the conversation and that I am not making a monologue where I am just talking and there is no interaction. When I feel I am not being listened or that the conversation is not interesting for the other person, I shut down because I feel I am talking to the wall and for that, I have no desire of talking.
My partner also needs to support me in my role as a Priestess and in my spirituality. I could not be with somebody who judges me or does not support me in my spiritual path. Being a Priestess is one of the most important roles in my life and if my partner does not support that, then I think that´s a serious deal breaker. I don´t think I am one that could be in the closet with my spirituality. If you come to my house, you see my house is a Temple. Goddess statues everywhere, tarot decks, symbols, drums.... you name it. You can definitely feel the Goddess energy in my house and I would not be able to live or be with somebody who does not respect or support that.
Being a woman who has a lot of planets in the element Earth in her natal chart and lived most of her life from an overgiving mother role, my partner needs to be one that motivates me to go on adventures. He has to be one that will bring out the Maiden Queen out and helps me leave behind my rigid structure and allows me to have fun. He has to be one that is not scared of going hiking in the woods or walking under the moon. He has to be one when I am feeling down because I am buried with responsibilities from work, home, my communities and all areas in my life I am responsible for, he tells me to go for an adventure and forget it all for a little bit. He is also the one that tells me to snap out of it and be the Queen I am when I am having a victim mentality moment.
I know flowers are amazing, I love chocolates, and I am passionate about cards because I enjoy reading them when I am feeling a little sad but I know these things are not the essential things I need in my relationship. They are great to have but if they are missing, it is ok because if I have a partner who supports me, listens to me, cares about me, is there for the good times and the times when I am not in my best behavior, helps me grow and makes me think, he is kind and protects me, I think I have it all at that point. I know what my deal-breakers are, do you know what is a deal breaker for you?
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
Member of the Archdruid Union
Founder of Tienda Roja