Intensity is the word that defines how I live my life. I choose to live fully, with passion, with heart, and with feeling. Living my life this way is not easy for me or others. Some people are not able to handle my intensity since I am passionate about my thoughts, my beliefs, my feelings, among other things. This intensity is often confused with a burning fire that transforms people around it. I can not be fake, I can not be shallow, I can not be plastic. Those are definitely words that don't define me. Instead, many times, I feel like an outcast, a weird person, or a wacko. It is often found that people fear what they can not understand or falls far from the tree that is considered "normal" and normal is such a subjective thing. What is normal for one may not be normal for another person but I know I usually fall in the "Aby" category as the Young Frankestein movie says... I am aby - abynormal... because I don't fit the mold, I am not within the parameters, I am not shaped into what patriarchy says a woman should be.
Like Jack Kerouac said "Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently... they push the human race forward... because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones that do." I know I am a round peg in the square hole and I do believe that it only takes one person, one idea, to change the world. In the past, I have changed myself to be accepted, to be loved, to be ok for what society said it was normal. Those days are long gone and I am proud to be who I am and I will not change myself to fit in. Unfortunately, that means some people in my life are dropping off and the way I see it is that the people that are meant to be in my life will be, and those who drop off are meant to go away. They already fulfilled their mission in my life and now it is time to move on. I can not be changing myself to keep people around me. On the contrary, I am the way I am and it is ok not to be liked by everyone, not to be everything for everyone.
Life is always in harmony with its ups and downs. This year, there have been some amazing ups such as working with Lady Olivia translating the Fellowship of Isis liturgy, creating Circulo de Isis, ordaining a Priestess, teaching and delving into my Priestess self fully. As there are ups, there are also downs such as getting my car broken into, getting sick more often than normal, getting scammed.... Life is balance. Like a pendulum swinging from one side to the other, there is good, there is bad, and there is neutral. The higher you go, the lower you fall.