There is a saying that says "better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all" and somehow this has been my lesson for this week. It does not have to do with love but it does have to do with trust. Many times in my life, I have felt that I could not trust anybody, that it was not safe to trust in other people because every time I did, they would hurt me in some way leaving me with a sense of disappointment, upset feelings, and anger.
This week, the story repeated again, and somehow the wound reopen presenting an opportunity for healing. As I usually say, if a person does not learn the lesson, the lesson will repeat itself again and again, in different people, different places, different situations until the person learns what he or she needs to learn and can move to the next lesson. Trust has always been one of my big life lessons. It is hard to trust when life is unpredictable, when your mother is bipolar, when you don't know what is going to happen next. Life has thought me that it is not safe for me to trust because when I trust, things go wrong. Although I've been working on this lesson for years now, trying to trust the unknown and knowing that Goddess will not put anything in my way I can not handle, the lesson presented itself again. This time, the lesson was presented by a person who I considered my dearest friend, my sister, and my teacher. She was a person I trusted completely and allowed myself to open up. Life, once again, showing me that sometimes it is not safe to trust. Not only this person cut me off her life without warning, but when I approached her with questions as of what I did wrong... she responded in a way that showed me her true colors... and life always gets interesting since she decided to share my responses with other people calling me clueless... yes ... better to be clueless than arrogant and egocentric... I take clueless a hundred times and ignorance is a bliss! It's sad to see how people who call themselves Priestesses, who talk about sisterhood, who preach about not hurting other sisters can behave that way. It's all about "do what I say and not what I do". I was definitely angry, I was definitely hurt, but now I know it is not about me and I will not take this personally since it is her lesson. We all choose our actions and we have to stand by them. Take ownership for the path we take and not blame others for our unresolved feelings, our anger issues, and our frustrations. I have learned a lot from this person and she has pointed me in the direction I want to go, and for that, I will be always grateful. Now it is time to move on and let go of the feelings of anger and disappointment because even though I was hurt I think it was better to have trusted and got hurt than never to trust at all... I am ready for the next lesson :)