Deal, Experience and Respond

Intensity is the word that defines my past few weeks. I feel that since I got back to the United States, my work has become a war zone where there are fires, there are bombs, there are so many issues and my boss strives for perfection... and we all know that is not possible because we are human beings, but this whole situation has stressed me out a little. In the personal side, I am also dealing with some battles of my own and some challenges that have presented themselves. What do we do when life pushes us? Do we push back? Do we follow the eye for eye rule? Or do we just flow like water and try to not put any resistance to all those changes that want to manifest and help us grow and evolve?

Last weekend, I started reading the book "The Art of Predictive Astrology - Forecasting Your Life Events by Carol Rushman" and in that book, the author wrote a phrase that really resonated with me. She said "Astrology is the study of how we deal with, experience, and respond to energy. Sometimes we experience the energy as an inner need or desire to make a change, take a chance, or do something new or different- this is stimulated by a conjunction. Sometimes the energy emerges as an obstacle, a blockage, a challenge, or an opportunity - this is demonstrated with a square aspect. With an opposition, it may be a crisis in a relationship or a learning experience through another person."

When I was in in the Emergency Room this morning, all by myself, and the doctor saw my Predictive Astrology book I looked at him and I as like "mmm yes, Astrology, did I know I was going to have a foot fracture for the first time in my life... no" He looked at me and smiled. It was a hard experience to see everyone in the ER looking at me like I was weird because I was alone. Then the lady came and asked me "Did they do the EKG.... Are you having chest pain?" "No" I said, I explained I just had foot pain. She turned around and said... "you gotta be kidding me, foot pain!!!! "She left me there and never came back. Yes, a few years ago I did have the chest pain and chest problems, and I know you will not die from foot fracture but it is still as important. Hospital experiences always make me think a lot. Yesterday, I was healthy, walking, vibrant; today, I am in a boot with crutches and I can not do anything of those things I enjoyed doing - biking, hiking, working out. I need help for many things I usually do on my own and I am feeling weak. Go out to get the mail and I get asked if I need help. I know this is normal and maybe I should be saying yes to everything. My husband does not let me do anything and tells me to rest. If you know me, I am not one who will ask for help. I am not one that receives. I am the superwoman and now I am wearing crutches. I think this is the hardest lesson of all. It is not about work, it is not about intensity, but it is about learning to ask for help and receive help. It is about experiencing the pain and knowing that it´s ok to ask if we need something. It´s about learning that sometimes you can not do everything on your own.

My dad kept telling me there is always a first time to everything and that I should let people help me and not be so stubborn. My best friend told me to rest and relax and that pain will go away. Stubborn, pain, need, stop are all words that come to me when I think of my foot and I look at the future. I will be on this boot for the next five weeks and maybe more, I will need to learn to battle the demons that may come up when I can not work out, when I need to stay in bed, and when I start fearing I will put on weight. This is another experience that I need to have in this very eventful 2012. The adventure continues and it is how we deal, experience and respond that make the difference.

Many blessings,

Carolina

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Becoming One Again

There are times in life when we stop being one and we start taking characteristics of other people in our lives or we start becoming dependent on others. Whether this other is a partner, a friend or a relative, we stop seeing ourselves for who we are and we start seeing us. We are not separated from the other, we are bonded and tied and if that other person was to part, we would feel like a part of us have left us and we are incomplete now.

In my life, I have experienced this situation many times. My mother and I had a very strong bond and I do know when I came to live to the United States, she must have felt incomplete, like a part of her has left her. I know she was very happy for me but deep inside she was grieving my departure. The same has happend to me with many relationships where I have given all, and then the person just left or went away. Those are the times when I start wondering if it was worth losing myself in the other because in losing myself I stopped being myself and I became something totally different. The question also becomes whether we can be in a relationship with another person and not lose sight of who we are, not lose our individuality and our uniqueness? Is that possible? Is it possible to feel the full fusion when we are still two independent individuals? I remember when I was 15 years old, my dad told me "Querida, tu tienes la tendencia a engancharte con una persona sola y olvidarte de los demas, no puedes poner todos tus huevos en la misma canasta o te vas a quedar sola" (Darling, you have a tendency to bond with one person and forget about the rest, you can not put all your eggs in the same basket or you will end up alone.). When I look back and I see my past, I can see he could have been right. I only had a couple of good friends and usually it was one friend at a time.... yes, all my eggs in one basket leading to loneliness when the one egg cracked and went away.

This situation can also lead us to feel like we should not be bonding or we should just withdraw our presence because it´s better to not love than be hurt by love, less painful. I remember the movie "Now and Then" when the old man tells one of the girls "Better to love and be hurt, than never love at all." Is it worth it? I think so. Love can only make us more compassionate and happy in the end. When we get to judgement day, we are not going to be asked whether we have money left, what our 401K looked like, what investments we have; we are going to be asked whether we love during this lifetime, whether we were happy, whether we did some good deeds for the good of all concerned.

Today, I was changing the tags for my registration because I´ve been procrastinating and they were due May and we are almost July and I still have not changed them. Yes, I have them in my car but I have not put them on, LOL. I am trying to get some cop to pull me over so I can play little me couldn´t put the tags by myself... Just kidding!  So here I am, outside my house, with my skirt and work clothes trying to change the tabs... yes, what a picture!!!!! I think the neighbors may be wondering what I was doing with screw driver, paper towels, phone, tabs and a knife, not that I don´t look awkward enough as it is! The Witch!.... When I got the plate out, I couldn´t help but think... mmm why am I changing this? It says 2013! The world be over before that by the preconceptions of the world! Then I started meditating of what would happen if the world were to end at the end of this year (by the way, I don´t think that will happen) so I couldn´t help but wonder whether I have fulfilled all my duties in this world, have a loved fully, have I experienced happiness, have I regain my power and lead a life of purpose and mission.... I would like to think the answer would be yes but I can see many times when I stopped living for myself and started living for others. When I started overgiving and just forgetting about what I needed at the time. When I put everyone´s needs first and forgot to take a breather to recuperate. When I played wonderwoman and I thought I could do it all by myself. When I just forgot who I really was, what I wanted, what I was meant to do in this lifetime.

After the two major eclipses, a trip to Buenos Aires and a rude awakening, I am starting to become one again. I hope I don´t become scared of sharing with others but right now I just need to be one. I just need to be myself. I just need to regain the person who I was born to be and not the one that has got confused and derailed by the needs of others.

Many blessings,

Carolina
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Taking My Power Back

When I started my Queen Training with Ava Park, I did not know the challenges I would be facing and how my life would change and evolve. Queen Training sounds so much fun!!! You can get pictures of fairy tales, crowns, and different Queen pictures. These images couldn´t be further away from reality. Queen Training is about taking ownership of one´s life, it´s about being 100% responsible for our realms. We can not go blaming others for what is happening in our realms, it´s the Queen´s responsibility to vision reality, to create the realm as she sees fit and to be responsible for it. Our realm comprises all those areas that we are 100% responsible (home, work, children, ourselves). Queens design their realms and life doesn´t happen to them, they have a vision, they have a plan, and they execute, they definitely don´t react unless there is a natural disaster or another type of emergency that takes them to position themselves as the leader and guide those in her realm to a safe place. 

As you can see, being a Queen is not about status and glitter but it is about responsibility, ownership, and inner power. As I have said before, when I start studying a topic, I really take it to heart. The same has happened since I started studying with Ava Park and her Queen Teachings. I took those teachings and applied them to my life. I became aware of those areas in life where I needed to work or those areas of my realm that I had neglected in the past. It´s not easy to look in the mirror and realize that some things need to change, that there is no going back and that change is imminent. Like the Tower Card in the Tarot, everything is about to collapse so we can rebuild it again the way we intended.

I looked at my work and I saw that I had been complaining about it but not doing much about it. I had not vision the type of job I wanted. I have not stated what I want so the Universe can provide to me what I want for my realm. As I started taking ownership of my lack of vision at work, things have changed greatly. Since I came back from Buenos Aires, I feel I have come back to a different job. My boss is giving me more important projects and I got an assistant to help me with those things I have been complaining about... Yes, the Universe listens if you really state what you want. This situation has also given me the opportunity to practice my delegation skills and my leadership skills since I seem to be the person in charge of the assistant although she is to assist the whole team.

At home and in relationships, I have also stepped into my Queen power. When I was in Argentina, I had an opportunity to show my father that I was not a little girl anymore but a Queen. The last day I was there, my father wanted to take the bus to go to my aunt´s house and I did not feel comfortable taking the bus with my bags so I said I would take a cab. He got seriously upset saying I was being irrational and that it made no sense to spend the money in the cab. I looked at him and I said "Dad, I am not a little girl anymore, I am a grown up woman, and I will take the cab. You can take the bus and I´ll meet you there." After that, he decided to get the cab and was very upset but I was not going to back down or follow orders. My intuition told me it was not safe to be in the bus with my bags. 

The same is happening with some of my relationships when I am beginning to realize I am giving too much and that I need to start being mindful of the harmony between giving and receiving. A mother always gives but a Queen knows how to receive. These days, I am focusing on giving but also receiving so that flow can be constant. At times, I wonder if I give too much to overcompensate for others not giving in a relationship or where my need is. I know being an Enneagram Two, I am the giver but I want to be able to give from the heart and not expect anything in exchange. When we give too much and we have the expectation of receiving something in exchange, the giving lose the meaning.

I know my life is going into a massive rebuilt where I need to demolish and destroy some things that have grown outdated or are no longer needed to make space to the new me. As I change and my Queen is coming out more, many people may drop, many things may disappear, and many things in life will change but one thing I know, I am taking my power back and I will not give it away. I am finding myself again and getting to know who I really am. 

Many blessings,

Carolina

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Note: I highly recommend taking the Queen Counsel or attending a Queen Convocation if you are ready to change your life for the better. Ava Park is a great teacher.

http://goddesstempleoforangecounty.com/About_Rev_Ava.html

There are no guarantees

We all have moments in life when things seem to be getting off plan and we start getting anxious, we start feeling nervous that we plan something to go this way but instead the universe decided to put something different in our path. A new lesson, a new challenge. Can we adjust? Can we chart our journey differently? Last weekend, I was feeling a little anxious so I decided to get a reading from my trusted Goddess Sister, Lady Yeshe Rabbit. Coming back from Buenos Aires had left me feeling like there was no backup plan and what I once felt was home, it did not feel like home anymore. During the reading, Rabbit told me several things but the one thing that stuck with me the most was when she said "In the end, there are no guarantees, only the present moment, only the now moment." This phrase really resonated with me because as a Virgo, I have a tendency to plan every little detail from now till year 2020 and know what will happen here and there. This way of living is not realistic and it does not take into account that the Universe will play it´s hand and I will need to adjust.

Change is always stressful and our flexibility and adaptability to change play a big part. Many times, we follow the commandments of traditions and culture instead of really looking within and trusting our inner guide to take us to the true north. When we listen to the outside, we tend to lose ourselves instead of finding our authenticity and integrity that lies deep within ourselves. When we make a choice, we are the only ones responsible for that choice. When we look outside for rules and regulations to determine our choices, we are just shifting responsibility and trying to pass the bucket because we really know what´s right or wrong for us. We know what is a deal breaker and what is something we can live with. We know the laws of our land so we don´t need anybody to come and set up new laws for us to abide to. If we were to do that, we would be giving our inherent power away, our birth right, our free will. 

There are times when we have to look within and say... it is what it is.... no black, no white, just a choice from the heart. Change is growth and if we are not growing, we are stagnant, we are dead and that is certain. There are no guarantees - only death and taxes.

Many blessings,

Carolina

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Yellow Light - Alert!

As I was driving to work today, I hit every single yellow light that I could hit on the way. The first time, I did not pay attention. The second time, I was like mmmm. Third time I was more like What´s going on here? Fourth time... mmmm message from the universe, let´s decode! You may be wondering now and think "Shouldn´t a Priestess see the signs as they occur first?" The answer is no. We, Priestesses, are no different than anybody else and it may take us several times to see a sign or to see the path but one thing I am certain is that we are usually looking within and trying to grow and evolve. We are usually awake and aware. We usually lead by example.

After I hit the fourth yellow light, I started thinking what the message was and why I was hitting every yellow light. What were the things I needed to be alert about? Was I getting close to making another mistake? Yellow lights can make us become aware or can let us know we are about to hit our monkey mind wall. The monkey mind wall is the wall we hit when we are about to cross over a barrier and reach our next stage in evolution. When we arrive to that moment, we usually feel scared and anxious but if we can push pass that moment, we find out that happiness and bliss are just a step away. Fear of change is always present when big transformation is about to happen.

Since I came back from Buenos Aires, I have been feeling like there was a before and after moment. Before my trip, after my trip. Work feels like totally different since I am being given more important projects that demand a lot of my time and get me out of my comfort zone. In my personal life, I am contemplating lots of changes and necessary things that need to happen to reach the next level. These things make me feel uncomfortable and uneasy but I know that there are times when we reach a place where we need a change and there is nothing we can do to turn it back to what it was before.

The universe is sending me the signs and it is up to me to interpret. I can see it as alert don´t move or alert don´t let your fears drive your life. The answer is always within if we are open and brave to look inside.

Many blessings,

Carolina

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Some things just remain the same, others change

Every time I go back in Buenos Aires, I am given the opportunity to see what things have changed and what things remain the same. Some shops are still open, others have closed. Some people are still present, some have disappeared and not able to locate them, others reappear. It´s interesting to see how things evolve and how everything changes but if it didn´t change, it means it is dead so change is good.

Just typing that phrase conjures a lot of pictures on my mind - change is good. Is it? Many times we are scared of change, of the unknown, of losing control. Have you ever experienced fear of change? Buenos Aires scared me a little bit. The energy of the country was different from before and as I walked the streets that once were home, I could see unhappy faces, I could feel the energy that was building because people were upset they were losing some of their inherited freedoms and how they had no control of their future. Prices were off the roofs and I kept wondering how people lived in that country, how they afford food and other necessary things, how they survive through time. Then I realized I am a survivor myself and living most of my life in Argentina gave me the sufficient experience I needed to know that you can always survive, you can always find a way no matter how bad it may look... there is always a way out, there is always an opportunity in disguise. We are given opportunities to grow and evolve but it´s up to us whether we take them or not, we can complain about the environment or we can decide to make our own future. As my dad complained about the economic situation and watched the news 24/7, I kept thinking whether that was really necessary and how many times we could listened to the newsperson say that people in Argentina could not buy dollas and now they have to explain where they got the money to travel overseas. If you come to my house, you can see my laws and you will know that I don´t tolerate complaining if there is not a solution or a change in behavior that comes with the complaining. We can only complain so much and where does complain takes us? Where does victim behavior takes us? Where does crying over spilt milk takes us? NOWHERE, unless you have a plan. You need to be able to formulate your own reality and I think complaining is just wasting time. I know it may sound cold but I told my father that unless he was ready to move to another country, he will have to endure the situation as it was and learn to adjust and adapt to it, lead a happy life in that country and learn how to enjoy life with the opportunities he had in Argentina.

As I kept observing the changes in people and the environment, I realized that sometimes things just stay the same and we are the ones that changed. How many times have you woken up in a relationship where you see the person for the first time and wonder where you were during the past few years? Is it really that the other person changed or is it that we changed? As I kept interacting with people in Buenos Aires, I kept thinking that everything was different but then I realize that it was me who changed. I have lived in the States for the past 9 years and in those years I have changed a great lot. I am not even a quarter of the person I was 10 years ago, not even 5 years ago. I evolve and grow daily and it is not surprising that with my growing I get to see things with a different perspective, the perspective of the woman I am, the woman that I am becoming, the woman that I was meant to be all along.

Every day we are given an opportunity to decide whether we want to remain the same or change. Fear should not be the motivation for stagnation. Fear should not prevent you from reaching your goals and making your dreams come true. You have the ability to change and it is up to you what you make of your own life. You can live a life complaining about the environment or you can choose to make your own destiny. You have the power. Use it wisely.

Many blessings,

Carolina
Presiding Priestess of the Circulo de Isis