Sunday, September 30, 2012

Picking our battles

Can you win this battle? A Queen only engages in battles when she is going for the winning, she does not waste energy or time trying to go into a battle that will have no positive result because battle is the last resort. 

Today, I decided to talk to my father because there were some things that have been bothering me and I felt they were unacceptable behavior even from an elder. The conversation did not go the way I expected and he closed down so I decided that was not a battle worth fighting for. Trying to convince him to open up and listen to my thoughts was not an option for him and I felt it was not worth spending my energy on that since I was leaking my energy with his behavior already. Sometimes we just have to let go and accept that some people are not ready and they will not change so we either love them the way they are or we let them go. This is not the first time in my life that I encounter somebody like that. A person who is just concerned about himself and that only cares about his needs instead of looking at the others and what the others need. Those people are just ready to put their needs up front but never realize that in relationships there is a come and go, there is a sharing, there is a 50/50 proportion. It´s not all about me in relationships. I find it fascinating that my own father could be somebody like that. I can be sitting at home for 3 hours doing nothing while he naps but then if I decide to go out... that´s the time he wanted to share or spend with me??? Really? I say that´s not acceptable and I will not tolerate that behavior. Even less I will tolerate the fact that things are said to me when I have giving 110%, I have a clean conscience, the question becomes - can you say the same? I have restructured my life to welcome him, changed things for him, and I don´t expect recognition but I do expect more than a .... ohhhh you eat too many calories, or you eat too many sweets. That´s not acceptable for me anymore, I have tolerated this behavior for a long time because I have let others abuse me to the level I abuse myself. I am not abusing myself anymore so now, I don´t accept abuse from others. I will just adapt my behavior to make sure that the rules are clear.

We pick our battles and sometimes it´s better to retrieve in time so we can get strong and come back. In the Art of War, the author talks about looking at the opponent´s move before planning yours. It´s about strategy. I have made my move, I have put my feelings on the table and whether they were heard or not, I know I have said it. Now I will adjust my behavior accordingly and see what happens. I will not let anybody manipulate me but I will pick my battles carefully. I don´t need to fight every battle that comes across. I can let it go.

Many blessings,
Lady Carolina
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

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