Inana´s Journey - 6 years have passed...

Fear, pain, sorrow...  As I look back, I can see that when the time came, I was not ready to grieve. When my mother passed 6 years ago, I was not able to feel the pain. I was not able to go down the cauldron and cry. Instead, I set goals for myself. Yes... at that time I wanted to become a manager and go up the ladder, live the American dream, have a house and a family... As I look back, I can see that those things were just the shinning things that tricked me from experiencing the pain and growing with it.

Today, I remember my mother, Graciela Haydee Borello de Amor. She was a strong woman. She was a pioneer. She was a protector of the home. She was my mother. When I think of her, I think of light, I think of beauty, I think of change. My life was filled with stress and uncertainty and I think that´s one of the reasons I am so structured, that´s one of the reasons I need to feel in control, that´s one of the reasons I need to have a plan. When I was a child, life was uncertain. My mother was bipolar and that means not knowing whether you are going to be flying like a bird or depressed and going down the spiral staircase into hell.  Yes... life was uncertain but it did make me the woman I am today. A strong Queen, a powerful Priestess, a fair Leader, a loving Woman, a passionate Being. She showed me that I could cope with everything that came my way. I could be the woman she had not been able to be. I could do the things she  had not been able to do like travel to other countries, take a plane, and enjoy the world. 

Sometimes, I get sad and I think of all the things I will not be able to share with her. I can not show her my new world, my new place, my new country. I can not show her how happy I am looking at the hills and feeling the sea air caressing my face. I will not be able to make her a grandmother and when the time comes, I will not have my mother by my side in that very important rite of passage day. Yes... there will be things I will not be able to share with my mother in the physical realm, but I know she is with me always as I wake up and go to work; as I work out in the gym; as I cook dinner in my home. Yes... she would be proud to see the woman I am and I know that she is always with me. 

I can´t believe it´s been 6 years.... Mother - I honor you wherever you are and know I am ok. I am a strong Woman, a beloved Queen, and a visionary Priestess.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina )0(

A Better Future starts with a Better Now

Sometimes we wonder why our visions don´t come to reality, we wonder why even though we plan and visualize things don´t come to life, and we are left with a wish that never comes true. The other day as I was working on the Queen materials Ava Park wrote, I noticed she mentioned that the Queen is the one who visions for the now moment because the future does not exist and it will never come. She said we are taught to believe that we vision for a better future but in doing so we don´t realize that the future is always something far away and that will not come. It is like those people who say they will start the diet on Monday... Monday keeps coming but it´s never the right Monday.

The same concept applies to the phrase "I will be happy when...", you can complete the phrase... I will be happy when I have more money, I will be happy when I have a bigger house, I will be happy when I have a better job, the list goes on and on and I am sure you can add a few more items to it. The point is that we will never be happy now, we are always looking for something else and believe we will be happy when. We can choose to be happy now! We can choose to live the life we want now! We don´t need to wait, we can be who we want to be right here, right now. 

Visioning is great but we do not need to vision for the future, we need to vision for the now moment and live the life we want to live right now. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? Today, we are alive and we can choose to be happy, to be enough, to be perfect just as we are. One of my Queen laws is "My thoughts manifest my reality. If I can change my reality if I change my thoughts." If I choose to think I am happy and my life is just what I want it to be right now, I can manifest that.

Vision for the Now Moment! A Better Future starts with a Better Now. It is your choice.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina )0(

The Four Agreements - A Review

During this Mercury Retrograde period, I decided to review the book the Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz. The last time I had read this book was a little over three years ago when I was a manager and I was working really hard on internalizing these four agreements. Each agreement contains an essential concept that can change your life. The First Agreement - Be Impecable with your Word - is like a mantra that should be used during Mercury Retrograde periods because we usually misunderstand the messages or get something twisted in the middle. Being impeccable with our word means that we carefully choose our words and comments making sure that the message they convey is the one we want to deliver and not one that comes from anger, from guilt, from resentment, from any other emotion you can think of that can taint your words. The Second Agreement - Don´t Take Anything Personally - is also a great practice to have because most of the time we want to make everything about us. We are walking down the street and somebody looked at us and we make a story in our heads about what that person must have thought. A friend talks to us cold and we think they are upset with us instead of thinking that he or she may be having a bad day himself or herself. The list can go on and on and I am sure you can find many instances when you have taken things personally that had nothing to do with you. Can you think of a time when you were offended by an action that had no connection with you? And even if the person is intending to give you a message that you believe is not true, don´t take it personally. Know that those are the opinions of others and you don´t need to take them in. Just observe and let them go because those don´t belong to you. The Third Agreement - Don´t Make Assumptions - is simple but complicated. Yes! You may think this is an oxymoron because how can something be simple and complicated at the same time? Let me explain my words. It is simple to say I will not make any assumptions from now on but it is so complicated to bring it to life. We walk on this earth making assumptions left and right. He said hi this way so he must be angry. He smile at me so he must like me. She closed the door so she must be pretty upset. Assumptions, assumptions, assumptions!!!!! If we are able to not make any assumptions and just ask the questions and speak from a place of honesty and integrity, the world would be a better place to live in. The last but not least Agreement - Always Do Your Best - is the one that ties all the others together because if we live each day as if it is our last on Earth and we do our best, things would definitely be much different than they are today. We also need to understand that our best one day may be different from our best another day. My best on the days that I am sick are not the same as my best on the days I am feeling full of energy. It is also acceptance of ourselves and love for ourselves that allow us to know that no matter what, we are always trying to do our best. These Four Agreements seem very simple to understand but believe me, they are hard to keep. We are programmed in a world that believes in the book of laws (the rules of society), the judge and the victim. These three items play a major role in preventing us from living these agreements and it takes strength and will to say no to the conditioning and yes to these agreements. These agreements can change your life if you incorporate them in your every day activities. They can allow you to create your own dream instead of living the dream of the planet. You are the creatrix of your own destiny, the captain of your ship, the ruler in your life. Start today and you will not regret it. You will see your life transform in your life and become what you want it to be and not what others want you to be. Many blessings, Lady Carolina )0(

Over-giving, Over-doing, Over-exhausted

Every time Mercury turns retrograde, we get a chance to look at our lives and see what areas are not working for us, what areas we could improve, and what areas we should focus on working once Mercury turns direct on April 4. During this retrograde period, Rev. Ava Park introduced me to the Enneagram personality types. I was fascinated when I started reading the book "The Wisdom of the Enneagram - the complete guide to psychological and spiritual growth for the nine personality types by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson." In this book, they describe this method the following way:

"The Enneagram is not a religion, however; nor does it interfere with a person´s religious orientation. It does not pretend to be a complete spiritual path. Nevertheless, it concerns itself with one element fundamental to all spiritual paths: self-knowledge."

I have taken the "know thyself" as one of my personal mantras since I started walking the Goddess centered spiritual path over 13 years ago. This saying has been with me since the beginning as well as the one that says "I only know, I know nothing" because part of my spiritual core says that I need to know myself well in order to be able to grow in this lifetime and I can never stop learning because the day that I think I know it all something has gone seriously wrong....

When I started exploring the Enneagram and doing some tests, my first test said that I was a 3 - The Achiever. Many of the characteristics of the three fit me quite well - workaholic, role model, wanting to be the best, always setting a goal and going for it. But there were also some characteristics that did not fit me as a status seeker or a person that likes to be the focus of attention (I am quite shy). When discussing with Ava, she did not agree with the test that said I was a 3 so we started going deeper and I did her test. This test said I was a two - the helper. The words that described this type really resonated with me - caretaker, generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing and possessive. As I started reading more about this number, I started remembering how many times I have given in excess and what the inner motive was for that giving. I am always the person who is there when you need help, anticipating people´s needs, always offering a hand and at times this over-giving leaves me exhausted, angry, and frustrated because I end up feeling that I give and give and give and I don´t receive. The same happens with doing. I do so much that at times I become a human doer instead of a human being (that´s where my three wing comes on because I definitely have some characteristics of the three - just not the core).

Studying the Enneagram has made me start thinking about why I give to people, what is the inner motive. Am I looking for love? Am I looking for the other person to give to me? Am I getting angry because I give and I don´t receive then I become a victim or a martyr? When I was a child, I took care of my mother as if I were her mother. I never allowed myself to be a maiden, I was a mother since I was 11 years old. Taking care of her needs when she was sick, when she was depressed, when she was on her high ride (yes - my mother was bipolar). This situation has made me feel like I sacrificed myself for her and that I did not get to live the life I wanted to live. Was I looking for my mother´s love? Maybe. I just know that know I am very aware of this pattern and I try to not fall into it anymore.

Last Friday, one of my friends was telling that she was going to go away with her husband and leave her two adorable kids with her parents who are elders and not in very good health. My first reaction was to say ... do you want me to take care of your kids while you go away? But then I stopped, thought again, and realized that I was tired, that I needed time for myself and if I did that, I would regret it and end up over-exhausted. As hard as it was, I did not offer anything and just moved on. The people savior in me wanted to go help, wanted to save the day, but the Queen in me said NO, you need to put yourself first.

From now on, I will help when I want to help from the heart and not because I am trying to please somebody, or feel loved, or feel needed. I also decided to start working with the affirmation "I love myself unconditionally just the way I am" so I am not looking at others to reflect my worth but I see myself lovable and worth of having the life I deserve.

The Enneagram was the tool that brought clarity and focus during this Mercury Retrograde Period. I highly recommend people to find their numbers and see how this test can help them. I know, from now on I say NO to over-giving, over-doing and getting over-exhausted.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina )0(

Life Just Happens.... No, no, nooooooo.....

Today as I was re-reading the materials for my Queen Training, I came across Rev. Ava Park´s words "Without Her Queen, Her Architect, a Woman´s Life Just Happen" and I couldn´t help but think "this is it". Yes! This simple phrase contains the essence of life and how we women at times lose our vision and let things happen to us. Well... not only women but I am a woman and I talk from that perspective. The Queen is the Law Maker for her realm. Her laws are the foundation for her Realm, for her Vision, for what she is trying to construct. In the past, I was not clear about what the laws for my life were. I may not have felt like I was worthy of dictating the laws for my realm but today, I am Queen and I will make sure my life is just a reflection of my vision and it is just not happening to me. I have the power to create my reality.

One of the laws for my realm is "My thoughts manifest my reality. I can change my reality by changing my thoughts." This Law is about the power to create, the power to vision, the power to be the builder of my realm. I will not use words like "They did this to me.... or she did not let me... or he was mean to me...." From now on, I am the writer of my herstory and as the writer I hold the pen to draw what I want and believe me, those things I don´t want will just fall down, be cut off, be eliminated. Yes, words have power and these words are strong but this is how strong I feel about being on the driver´s seat of my life and not allowing others to drive me around. If I wanted to be Ms. Daisey, I would be one but that´s not me, that´s not my Queen, that´s not who I really am. I am the driver, I am the decision maker, I am the manifester and I can create those things I want right here, right now. Clarity is essential and when life gets clouded, it´s time to go back to the center, to regroup, to consult with the Queen within and touch base with her laws, with her vision, with her power.

Are you in the driver seat or is somebody driving your life for you? Is life just happening to you? Do you want to wake up one day and feel that life has passed you by and you had not impact in what has happened? Reclaim your power today, crown yourself as the Queen of your realm and vision your life the way you want it to be. You have the power. You are Queen!

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina )0)

Having a Me Party!

The other day as I was watching the movie "The Muppets", there was a part when one of the main characters was signing a song "Having a Me party" as she was eating alone in a dinner. Then, when her partner came back, she quoted so many synonyms of the word by myself that it was funny. Yes! She was like I went there independently, I visited this place individually, and the list keeps going. As I watched this scene, I couldn't help but think how many times I have placed my happiness in others, my self-esteem, my value, my priorities. It's interesting to look back and see all those times when I put other people's needs first. Their reactions described my value to me. As Rev. Ava Park would say "My shadow maiden was having a party and she was craving for approval from others."

How many times have you waited for others to probe you that you are beautiful or worth for who you are? Do you recall when you look at your partner and expected him to show you how wonderful you are and in that gave away your power? I can recall several times and several relationships in my life when I was just waiting for others to show me that I was worth being loved, I was beautiful, I was intelligent and the list goes on.

How many times have you waited for your boss to tell you you are doing a wonderful job to find out he or she will not and that impacts your self-worth? I have been there many times, thinking if I do more, if I break my boundaries just to prove I am wonder woman, he or she will notice, she or he will validate me as an intelligent woman. It did not happen.

How many times have you seek approval from your parents? Have you studied a course of studies because you father wanted you to do so? Have you followed the standard designed by your family because you were afraid if you did not you would be punished or not loved? Luckily, I have been the one breaking the structures in my family since I met my husband online and married him, moved to the USA from Argentina and started from cero again, but there are many people who just study something because it is the family tradition, or they marry the person their parents will accept, or follow the path that will lead them to approval from the outside.

Why do we seek approval? Why do we need people to approve who we are? Everything starts at home and by home I mean YOU. You need to love yourself first, you need to accept yourself as you are, you need to be passionate for your career, your life, your vision. It is a Me Party. Nobody else can make you feel beautiful if you don't feel beautiful inside. Nobody can make you happy if happiness does not come from within. Nobody can love you if you don't love yourself.

Start today. Have a Me Party! Accept yourself as you are without ifs or buts, just as you are now. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are strong, You are healthy. You are powerful. You are loved. Nobody can take that away from you once you find it within. It is a Me Party!

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina

Never ending 30 minutes

When we start a journey, we never know what will happen from the beginning till the end but we know we are in the path that will take us to a destination. Many times we face obstacles during the journey. We fall down. We get sad and discouraged. We get tired. We get sick. We get demotivated but when we look at the destination, we remember why we are in this journey and what we want to accomplish.

Last weekend, my Priestess sister and I went on a pilgrimage to the Goddess Temple of Orange County. During our journey, we went very fast for the first few hours and then when we arrived in Los Angeles, time stopped. Every time we looked at the GPS Estimated Arrival Time, we were always 30 minutes away. Yes! We were 30 minutes away for about 2 hours... During this experience, I couldn't help but think all those times when we have been dealing with a situation that seems to go nowhere and we are stucked in the never ending 30 minute period. No matter what we do, we are always at the same point. This may be in a different situation, in a different place, with different people but stuck in the same minute 30 and we seem to move nowhere. During those moments, we are like the Hangman Card in the Tarot. We have to surrender with the hope that we will achieve illumination during those periods of stagnation and lack of movement. How many times have you felt you were stuck in a situation and you were going nowhere? Did that situation make you feel you were moving further away from your destination? Was it just a rock in the path? My sister and I made it to Los Angeles and had a wonderful time there. We surrender to the never ending 30 minutes and reached our destination.

When you feel stuck or stagnant, just breath, relax and let it pass you by. In the end, if you keep your focus in mind, you will reach the destination. Perseverance and patience are a requirement.

Many blessings )0(

Lady Carolina