Inana´s Journey - 6 years have passed...

Fear, pain, sorrow...  As I look back, I can see that when the time came, I was not ready to grieve. When my mother passed 6 years ago, I was not able to feel the pain. I was not able to go down the cauldron and cry. Instead, I set goals for myself. Yes... at that time I wanted to become a manager and go up the ladder, live the American dream, have a house and a family... As I look back, I can see that those things were just the shinning things that tricked me from experiencing the pain and growing with it.

Today, I remember my mother, Graciela Haydee Borello de Amor. She was a strong woman. She was a pioneer. She was a protector of the home. She was my mother. When I think of her, I think of light, I think of beauty, I think of change. My life was filled with stress and uncertainty and I think that´s one of the reasons I am so structured, that´s one of the reasons I need to feel in control, that´s one of the reasons I need to have a plan. When I was a child, life was uncertain. My mother was bipolar and that means not knowing whether you are going to be flying like a bird or depressed and going down the spiral staircase into hell.  Yes... life was uncertain but it did make me the woman I am today. A strong Queen, a powerful Priestess, a fair Leader, a loving Woman, a passionate Being. She showed me that I could cope with everything that came my way. I could be the woman she had not been able to be. I could do the things she  had not been able to do like travel to other countries, take a plane, and enjoy the world. 

Sometimes, I get sad and I think of all the things I will not be able to share with her. I can not show her my new world, my new place, my new country. I can not show her how happy I am looking at the hills and feeling the sea air caressing my face. I will not be able to make her a grandmother and when the time comes, I will not have my mother by my side in that very important rite of passage day. Yes... there will be things I will not be able to share with my mother in the physical realm, but I know she is with me always as I wake up and go to work; as I work out in the gym; as I cook dinner in my home. Yes... she would be proud to see the woman I am and I know that she is always with me. 

I can´t believe it´s been 6 years.... Mother - I honor you wherever you are and know I am ok. I am a strong Woman, a beloved Queen, and a visionary Priestess.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina )0(