Trust - don´t feed your demons!

Some weeks I am short of words, some weeks they come flowing like water going down a waterfall. Today seems to be the latest and here I am again, in front of the computer with something to say :)

Actually, to be honest, these blogs have been brewing in my mind all last week and I did not have time to sit down and write so today, I am finally back to being myself - energetically - and I feel these words have to come before the full moon tomorrow as they are messages I have received this week and last week so no more procrastination!!! I am sure you understand when you have a lot of things to do and you just wait to the very last minute because you don´t want to deal with them or you feel you don´t have the time for them.

A little over a week ago I watched the movie Snow White and the Huntsman while I was in bed sick with the kidney infection. During this movie, there is a part where Snow White is in the dark forest and she is scared, the forest is turning on her and the Huntsman said "The forest is feeding off your fear". Somehow, that phrase stuck with me and I started thinking about how many times my forest has become darker and darker because I am feeding my fears. How many times do we choose the wrong path because it is the path that is less scary and I am safer that way. Sometimes we need bold actions, sometimes we just need to trust that the universe knows what the best is for us and just flow like water and follow the energy, don´t fight, don´t get scared, don´t feed the dragons inside.

Today, I went to the Chinese doctor after almost one year of not seeing him. He was so surprised to see me that his only questions was "how can I help you?" I found myself saying - I just came to see you. When we got into his room, I felt it was time to be honest as of how I was feeling and what was going on in my life because if he was going to be able to help me, he had to know what was really going on. As I talked about my issues sleeping and my stress, I realized how I´ve been feeding my fears lately. He didn´t have much to say but "Try not to stress too much, situations can be hard but don´t give it more power than they need to have". He prescribed me a tea and I said thank you.

I think he hit it right on. I´ve been feeding my demons for the past few weeks or months, just getting freaked out and making myself worse because I was just stressing too much. My forest was becoming darker and darker and my Realm was becoming riskier and riskier because its Queen was just hiding scared of the future and the unknown, buying into all the bad societal beliefs such as everything goes wrong.... prepare for the worst! It´s time to just Trust, trust Goddess, Trust the Universe and just surrender so I can manifest my bright future instead of feeding my demons.

Many blessings,
Lady Carolina
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Eureka Moment!!

The other day, one of my students used this phrase to describe a time when she had a sudden awareness of what was going on in her life and discovered a part of herself that she was not aware of before, yes, an Eureka Moment! After she used this phrase, I started thinking about that phrase and how many times we have those moments when reality hits us in the head and we finally see the truth.

Needless to say that I have several moments like that in the past, but last week, I had one that left me thinking so much that I am still in the process of digesting the crucial piece of information about my life and trying to make modifications to get back on track because I think I have derailed sometime early this year.... maybe after my trip to Buenos Aires if I had to pinpoint a time.... mmmm... as you can see I am still digesting.

Last week, I was having lunch with a coworker when we started talking about the year. I found myself saying "Wow, 2012 has not been a good year for me, I broke my foot, I am having some issues with some relationships, my dad´s trip was insane, I got a kidney infection, my coworkers are getting promoted and I am almost there but not, and the list kept going" then it hit me with a big bang bang boom!!!! Eureka Moment!!!! Listen to myself.... oh no... I am becoming one of those ladies that complains about life instead of taking ownership and knowing that somehow I have created that reality in my life, I am becoming them!!!! The ones that I don´t want in my energetic field because they just make my waters murky and my energetic field uneasy.

It was such a realization that it kept me thinking. I came back home that day and looked at the Queen Laws that I wrote earlier this year while studying with Ava Park on the Queen Counseling and I saw it clearly. Two of my laws stated perfectly:

"I manifest my reality - Reality is a manifestation of my thoughts. I change my thoughts, I change my reality."

"Choice and Ownership - I always have the power to choose my reality. I am 100% responsible for my decisions and actions no matter what the results are."

Where was my Queen these months? What type of energies was I experiencing to manifest this reality? What is the message in all these situations? I can see there have been no clear boundaries so I have fallen back into the dark patters of victimhood and overgiving and over complaining. I know I am 100% responsible for them and that somehow I called them in my life. I am sure there was a lesson to be learned or that my Queen had been too busy dealing with the energetic leaks I was having in those moments that couldn´t even have any energy left to manifest a different reality.

One of the reasons why I decided to become a Witch and a Priestess was that I was able to make my own reality. I did not have to just pray to God and wait passively. I could pray to Goddess and also work my magic to make it happen. I could use all the different techniques as visualization, affirmations, spellwork and others to create that reality that I desire without affecting anybody else. Needless to say I was not going casting spells on men to fall in love with me, or something to happen to another person so I could get ahead of the game. I always focus on myself and my needs and wants, then manifest my reality. I remember the time I did a spell to make the paperwork go faster so I could come live in the USA - two months later I was here even though the normal timeframe was 6 months, or the time I needed money to take a class I wanted to take and I perform a prosperity ritual and boom... money came to me. I need to remember those days when I was focus and my energetic field was really working to manifest my needs. I am great at manifestation -both good and bad- so I need to really be mindful of what´s in my mind, what´s in my heart so I don´t go manifesting negative situations because that´s where my energy is focused.

I really had a big awakening moment last week and now to manifest my new reality and take ownership of what I create. What an Eureka Moment!!!!

Blessings,
Lady Carolina
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Note: Check the Queen Teachings with Ava Park - In person Convocations, online courses, and in person one-on-one counseling!! Also stay tuned for her book... it is coming out soon!!!!
http://goddesstempleoforangecounty.com/About_Rev_Ava.html

What do I want?

There are times in life when we reach the crossroads and the question becomes what road to take, what the next step is, and define what I want. This past week was very challenging for me as I was very sick and in bed for a few days. During those days, I decided to start watching movies I had at home and one of those movies was the movie called "The Women".  This movie is unique as it only pictures women, there are no men in the movie, not even one. The main character in the movie is going through a divorce after finding out her husband has been cheating on her. At first she pretends she does not know and starts playing games but in the end she gets tired of the games and decides to ask for the divorce. When she is going through this challenging experience, she decides to go to a divorce camp and in there, she meets a lady that tell her she needs to stop worrying about the rest of the world and just focus on herself, she needs to only ask one question "What do I want?" and rediscover herself. This movie really had an impact on me as I feel I am at that level in my life where I have to turn the page and redefine who I am and what I want in life. What helped me before is obsolete now and it has lost its meaning.

I was so inspired by this movie that I decided to turn around my vision board, the one I created in 2011 and just leave it blank with the question "What do I want?" This question is the question that will drive me from now on until I can complete my vision board. My idea is to fill them with my discoveries as they appear and make sure I create the life I want to be living with the people I want to share my time, the rest can fall off the map as there will be no place for that. As Ava Park says, The Queen is the architect of her own life and her realm, she visions, she plans, then she manifests. I think I am ready to draft the map for the next part of my life. Each life has phases and rites of passages, this phase has been outgrown and now it is time to find the next evolution for Queen Carolina who now has different needs and different wants.

As I look at the blank page on my wall, I can see a blank canvas ready to be painted with the vision of the future. I can see the sky is the limit and I can also see that there have been some people in my life that have taken me for granted, that have let go of making an effort to keep the relationship between they and I going and those people will not be part of the new vision. I am sick and tired of being the one giving 110% in relationships, the only one giving and receiving just a little percentage of what I give. It´s time to give and receive so the flow of life can keep going. I don´t want to be dragging relationships where there is no spark, there is no life, there is no connection and I find myself being the only one feeding the relationship while the other person does the bare minimum. I think I deserve a person who is committed 100% to the relationship the same way I am.

At work, I feel I am also in a debate trying to figure out what I want next. Are there opportunities there to continue growing? Is it time to update the resume and start opening myself to other opportunities? What do I want? Do I want something that feels safe but boring and tiring or do I want something that is a little more risky but keeps me growing and evolving?

This week I feel I have touch the bottom of the cauldron, I have got to the very deep end and started questioning everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything. I started thinking for the first time in a long time what is best for me, what is best for Carolina? Not for my family, not for my partner, not for my boss, not for my friends, not for anybody but me because in the end, people leave, jobs end, things go away but what is left is you and only you. I think it is time to do a very honest self inventory and figure out what I want so with clear vision and clear definition I can manifest my realm and be the architect for my future.

Sometimes we linger to people or things because we believe they will change, we believe they will go back to the way it was in the beginning but in doing that we lose our perspective, we lose our power and we lose our vision. We start living our lives based on somebody else´s and in doing that we get lost to the point that we don´t know who we are anymore or what we really want in life. During the past few weeks, I´ve been asking the Goddess for clear vision so I can see and take the next steps to manifest a happy and fulfilled life so I can feel whole and not just the sum of pieces or an incomplete puzzle. Now we my new board, the question just remains....

What do I want?

Many blessings,
Lady Carolina
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Note: The Queen teachings with Ava are coming online!!!! Don´t miss this opportunity to get this teachings, they can change your life too.
http://goddesstempleoforangecounty.com/

Timing

They say it´s all about timing! The right time to express a feeling, the proper time to leave, the perfect way to change directions. If you are wondering who they is, I am wondering the same thing!!!! Yep, I am not sure how people define what perfect timing is but I know there is something about timing....

Last week I was trying to capture a picture of the Blue Angels in San Francisco, and it was one of the most difficult things to do. You got to see me trying to catch those fast planes.... you could hear them, you could feel them, but you could definitely not see them and plop.... there went another wonderful shot to be!!!! As a partial Italian, you could see me swearing with my hands that I could not catch that shot. My father was with me and he would laugh at my frustration. That did not help for sure! I could hear him saying "relax" in his tone that I found more irritating than anything else. 

This situation really made me thing how many times in life I have experienced that sensation of hearing what was coming, feeling the energies in my gut, and then plop, missed the right time to say something or express a feeling. I have also experienced all those times when we say something at the wrong time and then we are either penalized or just off. What is the right timing? Do you feel it in your gut? Do you think it is the right time? Is it mental or emotional? What is the right timing????

I know that at times I have a perfect plan in my head but many times that plan does not go as I really thought it would. Did I say something wrong again? Did I say something too early? Too late? The other day I was getting a card from an oracle and it told me that we go in spirals, no linear, no timing, just spiraling up. I thought this makes sense and maybe it is the reason why my timing sucks! Well, I am not going to wait for others to make their minds, I am not going to wait for others to make a move, I just will make up my mind and execute according to my own plan. It´s all about timing!

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Katy Perry is talking to me.... Spirit has its ways :)

Since Katy Perry´s movie came out on video I´ve been pondering whether to watch it or not, but there was a part inside of me that said... You need to watch this movie. I decided to listen to that little voice and get the movie. In watching Katy´s movie I discovered a strong and unique woman who is not afraid to be who she is and show the world her vision of life. She did not compromise to get famous, she just follow her spark and her songs demonstrate the flavor, passion, and light she has. She is not scared about showing her down times and she is true to herself.

While watching the movie, the song "Part of Me" really stuck with me and as I heard part of the lyrics, I couldn´t help but say... mmmm that sounds like me:

"Now look at me, I´m sparkling,

A firework, a dancing flame

You won´t ever put me out again

I am glowing, oh woah oh

so you can keep the diamond ring

I never like them anyway

In fact you can keep everything

Yeah, yeah

Except for me"

Are you selling yourself for anybody? Are you just settling for less than what you deserve? Are you letting others put your flame out because you are not strong enough to say No. And the question becomes "Who am I leaving for?"

"Heavy is head that wears the crown

Don´t let the greatness get you down.

I can see the writing on the wall

I can´t ignore this war

At the end of it all

Who am I living for?"

It´s not easy to be a Queen these days and the crown can feel heavy at times because we are aware women. When we are faced with people challenging our authority and our realms, we become defensive and we need to decide whether this is a battle we want to fight or just let go. The only thing that we can not do is ignore the situation and pretend nothing is happening. If we start living for others instead of from our center, then the vision for our realm is threatened and we have turned our back to our realm and become somebody else´s realm. Don´t compromise your vision for life because you are a firework!

"Boom, boom, boom,

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon.

It´s always been inside of you, you, you,

And now it´s time to let it through

Cause baby you´re a firework,

Come on, show them what you´re worth

Make them go, ho

As you shoot across the sky"

As I heard this song I couldn´t help but think about my own uniqueness and my purpose in life. We are all destined for greatness and we can not let anybody bring us down. We need to shoot for the moon and be the best we are meant to be no matter what the situation is. Sometimes, when I see my father and his ways, I know they are different from mine and today I felt that he may not support my vision for life or my plan as a Queen and I will not compromise, I am a Queen by my own right and I oversee my realm, the question becomes whether he wants to be part of that realm or not. It´s that simple!

"I´m not saying that it´s a piece of cake

Just take a moment to reevaluate

The possibilities

The situations

The opportunities

That are waiting

Oh, the possibilities, 

Oh, I

It could, it could be that simple

(you were thinking)

Life should be that simple

(Who would have thought it)

I wish it were just so simple

(don´t know what you were thinking)

You´re in a haze

It´s just a phase

You know this maze

Is as simple as it seems"

Songs come and go but every now and then, we find songs that speak to our souls and times in life. We feel as if the singer is talking to us when she is singing and telling our lives´stories. I know Katy Perry is talking to me these days. Spirit has chosen the medium to talk to me and Katy has been the channel. It is as simple as it seems.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina 

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Honesty

They say the truth will set you free! Little did I know when I got the Wise Woman of Wonderland  in the oracle I consulted this morning, things will turn out to be the way they did. The Wise Woman of Wonderland is about honesty and speaking your truth. She says honesty will pay off and it definitely did.

For the first time in my life, I was able to sit down and have a heart to heart discussion with my dad. I was able to express all my feelings for the past two years and the things I have been going through, feelings, emotions, thoughts, everything. It was an open discussion and I really put everything on the table. It was amazing to hear him say "You are a strong and powerful woman, you will survive anywhere you go, you are the hero in the family" It seems that my family has been talking about me and saying that I was the one strong enough to go away and survive; not only survive, but thrive. I have no idea some saw me as the heroine of the story who is strong enough to go for her destiny, leave everything behind and still stand strong and be successful. 

It was very nice to hear these words of confidence and strength when I´ve been shaking and feeling doubtful as of whether I can survive at all. Am I ready for the next step? Am I ready to be myself again? Am I ready to be independent and not collapse?

It all started with the movie Eat, Pray and Love because it is one of my favorite movies and my dad watched it today so he had to ask what was going on. Funny enough I heard myself saying... "I am not going to go getting tickets to go visit other countries, daddy" I think we both smile at that time but we both know that I am a grown up woman and no matter what happens in my future, he knows I hold my vision, I hold my rules, and as a Queen of my Realm, I am sovereign and I own my destiny. I will vision it and manifest it. 

It was nice to be able to open up and express my fears from the past and know that he also knows I will be ok because I am a strong woman and I can stand on my own. Honesty did set me free today.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina 

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis