Sunday, October 21, 2012

What do I want?

There are times in life when we reach the crossroads and the question becomes what road to take, what the next step is, and define what I want. This past week was very challenging for me as I was very sick and in bed for a few days. During those days, I decided to start watching movies I had at home and one of those movies was the movie called "The Women".  This movie is unique as it only pictures women, there are no men in the movie, not even one. The main character in the movie is going through a divorce after finding out her husband has been cheating on her. At first she pretends she does not know and starts playing games but in the end she gets tired of the games and decides to ask for the divorce. When she is going through this challenging experience, she decides to go to a divorce camp and in there, she meets a lady that tell her she needs to stop worrying about the rest of the world and just focus on herself, she needs to only ask one question "What do I want?" and rediscover herself. This movie really had an impact on me as I feel I am at that level in my life where I have to turn the page and redefine who I am and what I want in life. What helped me before is obsolete now and it has lost its meaning.

I was so inspired by this movie that I decided to turn around my vision board, the one I created in 2011 and just leave it blank with the question "What do I want?" This question is the question that will drive me from now on until I can complete my vision board. My idea is to fill them with my discoveries as they appear and make sure I create the life I want to be living with the people I want to share my time, the rest can fall off the map as there will be no place for that. As Ava Park says, The Queen is the architect of her own life and her realm, she visions, she plans, then she manifests. I think I am ready to draft the map for the next part of my life. Each life has phases and rites of passages, this phase has been outgrown and now it is time to find the next evolution for Queen Carolina who now has different needs and different wants.

As I look at the blank page on my wall, I can see a blank canvas ready to be painted with the vision of the future. I can see the sky is the limit and I can also see that there have been some people in my life that have taken me for granted, that have let go of making an effort to keep the relationship between they and I going and those people will not be part of the new vision. I am sick and tired of being the one giving 110% in relationships, the only one giving and receiving just a little percentage of what I give. It´s time to give and receive so the flow of life can keep going. I don´t want to be dragging relationships where there is no spark, there is no life, there is no connection and I find myself being the only one feeding the relationship while the other person does the bare minimum. I think I deserve a person who is committed 100% to the relationship the same way I am.

At work, I feel I am also in a debate trying to figure out what I want next. Are there opportunities there to continue growing? Is it time to update the resume and start opening myself to other opportunities? What do I want? Do I want something that feels safe but boring and tiring or do I want something that is a little more risky but keeps me growing and evolving?

This week I feel I have touch the bottom of the cauldron, I have got to the very deep end and started questioning everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything. I started thinking for the first time in a long time what is best for me, what is best for Carolina? Not for my family, not for my partner, not for my boss, not for my friends, not for anybody but me because in the end, people leave, jobs end, things go away but what is left is you and only you. I think it is time to do a very honest self inventory and figure out what I want so with clear vision and clear definition I can manifest my realm and be the architect for my future.

Sometimes we linger to people or things because we believe they will change, we believe they will go back to the way it was in the beginning but in doing that we lose our perspective, we lose our power and we lose our vision. We start living our lives based on somebody else´s and in doing that we get lost to the point that we don´t know who we are anymore or what we really want in life. During the past few weeks, I´ve been asking the Goddess for clear vision so I can see and take the next steps to manifest a happy and fulfilled life so I can feel whole and not just the sum of pieces or an incomplete puzzle. Now we my new board, the question just remains....

What do I want?

Many blessings,
Lady Carolina
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis

Note: The Queen teachings with Ava are coming online!!!! Don´t miss this opportunity to get this teachings, they can change your life too.

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