Victim or Victor?

Oh no.... Everything happens to me!!! Why???? I am so lonely!!! I don´t have enough money.... my coworker got the promotion that was supposed to be mine... nobody likes me .... Have you ever heard any of these phrases? These are examples of victim behavior and this behavior is a choice. The opposite side of this coin is the one that even though they face adversity, they are still happy and moving forward because they feel they have conquered a fear or a situation they thought they may not be able to deal with. I was introduced to the equation E+R=O (event+response=outcome) a few years ago. This equation can help us move from a place of victimhood to a place of victory. We are not able to control the events in our lives but we are able to control our responses to those events and those responses shape our outcomes. 

If the universe sends you a challenging situation, you can choose to accept it as "it is what it is" and try to find the best solution possible or you can cry over spilt milk. The decision is yours. We always have a choice. 

We are the architects of our own lives. We co-create the reality we live in with the Divine. If you do not like what you see in your life, you can change it. You have the tools and are able to shift your reality but it takes for you to get out of the victim role and step into the victor role. When we feel that the universe is against us, we feel lonely, abandoned and with no hope, we need to look around and and see what areas of our lives we need to change so we can vibrate at a higher level and let go of those blocks. Positive energy attracts positive energy. You may need to end some relationships or shift the dynamics in them. You may need to change jobs. You may need to move. One thing is certain, we need to get out of being a victim and sit on the driver seat of our lives. 

We can´t let others or situations determine our happiness level. It´s our job to change our responses so our outcomes are different. No matter how much you cry to others or talk about how bad things are, nothing is going to change until you choose a different response.

Are you a victim or victor?

Many blessings,

Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Adventures of the Maiden Queen - Part I

Hollywood!!!!!!! Do I hear somebody say Universal Studios Hollywood? Yes, it is true! Two weeks ago, I embarked myself in a journey with my own best friend - me! I am usually one that plans everything and knows what she will be doing till December next year... not kidding! I have a busy schedule and I do plan ahead of time but this time, the universe conspired for me to get into my Maiden self and my Queen was able to manifest it.

My Priestess sister was having her tribe performing a ritual at the Goddess Temple of Orange County so I decided I had to be there. In the beginning I thought about spending the whole day at the Temple but as the planning phase progressed, I found myself buying a ticket to Universal Studios and planning a trip there as well! There was a part of me that was saying all work and no play makes Carolina a dull girl... I am a Priestess 24/7 and a Compliance Officer 40 plus hours a week so it was time to have some fun. Some people get scared about doing things like this one their own but I found myself in the most exciting adventure ever.

It´s started at 5 am on Friday morning when I was observing the magic of the Full moon from the bedroom window. I knew magic was in the air when I saw the rays on my face and my pillow. Then I checked my cell phone and I saw my essay had been accepted for a book that will be published next year! I prepared my bags and got in the car with my coffee, some good music and my GPS. There was some traffic but I was able to "do traffic" and get to 5 in one hour. I have done this trip so many times I almost know the different landmarks that tell me when I am getting to the forever 30 minute drive! Yes, so many things change but LA traffic never does! You can count on hitting traffic no matter what time you get there.

My goals for the trip were to eat some Argentinean food, to have sushi in my favorite place, to have a massage, to go to Universal Studios and to attend the Honey Blood Priestesses ritual. The rest was left for the universe to decide! I also had specific rides I wanted to try at Universal Studios and then I would just go with the flow. As I got to LA, I decided not to stop in the Argentinean restaurant that was close to the LA office I work for and instead keep going and go to the one that was 10 minutes from Irvine. As I got to the restaurant at 2:30 pm, the host greeted me and informed me I barely made it. I was confused by this situation as the Yelp Goddess said they were opened from 8 am to 9 pm so I wonder whether I should tell them they should update their website. I would not have gone there if I had known they would be closing in 30 minutes! Besides, the place was empty!! I was the one and only guest so I got all the attention. Not only the server did not believe I was from Argentina (I guess I look very American these days), he was also flirting with me and gave me the stink eye when I ordered tons of food. I looked at him and I said "I know it´s a lot of food but I am here to try a bit of everything and I´ll take the rest in a box." Besides, this lady can eat dude! As the meal progressed, he kept making small talk and that´s when I found out that there was a Deli next door and the Deli was opened 8 am to 9 pm!!! Well, I was there dressed from my road trip and ordering a lot of food... felt like pretty woman in Beverly Hills! After my meal, I went to the deli where I found my favorite chocolates and I bought the whole box. I was in paradise! This trip was already feeling very healing.

I got to the hotel, unpacked and went for my massage. Then I went to my favorite Sushi restaurant, sushi Imari, and I waited for over 40 minutes but I was determined to eat there. As I waited, I noticed I was the only person there who was a party of 1. This was surprising but the most surprising part was that I was not feeling lonely. I had an amazing dinner and went back to the hotel where I had my bubble bath and relaxed. 

On Saturday morning, I departed early to Hollywood as it is 55 minutes away from Irvine with no traffic... ha ha ha. They should avoid quoting the no traffic times as there is always traffic! It´s the only guaranteed! As I was driving to Universal Studios, I looked at the right and I see the Hollywood sign... yes, I´ve lived in the US in California for over 10 years and never seen the Hollywood sign! It was exciting as I felt like I was in the movies or some of my favorite shows. The emotion did not stop there because Universal Studios was filled with all the magic of movies and television. I felt like a pop star. I had goose bumps as I got into some rides and the whole experience was really fascinating. Not only I got to be in the front row for most of the rides, I also appreciated being alone there as they had single rider lines!!!! The whole trip was amazing and gave me a feeling of empowerment and freedom. I did embody the Maiden Queen all weekend long by not fearing adventure and just exploring and having fun. I know this is not the last one so this is the Adventures of the Maiden Queen - Part I. Stay tuned! More adventures to come!

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

You need to come apart to come together again...

Humpty Dumpty sat on a Wall....

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...

All the king´s horses and all the king´s men

Couldn´t put humpty dumpty together again.

Why would the king´s horses and men put humpty dumpty together again???? Of course they can´t! It´s not their job to put other people together because that´s our personal journey. We can not expect others to come help us, come rescue us, come get us out of the dark because it is our inner lesson. I think I did not realize how hard I would fall when I jumped but looking back, I know it was always better jumping than staying stagnant with the energy brewing in the bog.  

I would not lie, there are moments one may feel it´s better to stay as is instead of going through the ordeal of the emotions, the memories, the broken dreams. Is it better to settle for less than being alone? I don´t think so. I think I have settled for less many times in my life and that´s not ok but fears pop up and make us wonder, make us second guess ourselves and think that we should be giving another chance... maybe this time this person changes... maybe this time is different.... maybe I did not see things right... so many maybes and so many options to second doubt what intuition tells us.

It took me two years to jump off the board at the pool but once I jumped, I felt amazing... I was able to let go the fear and do it anyways! When I started my divorce papers on Valentine´s Day last year, I felt fear but I decided to love myself more than staying in a relationship that made me feel lonely even when I was married after 10 years. It´s hard to realize that things we thought were ok or we were trying to convince ourselves were ok are not and it´s time to make a decision. It may take me a long time but in the end I will jump, I will move towards what´s best for me leaving behind those things that don´t serve me anymore. It is necessary to come apart so we can come together again... whole and complete. Don´t fear the break as it brings transformations and it will pull you closer to who you are meant to be.

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Poison Moon

No matter how strong you are, there are times you find yourself weak and vulnerable. In that vulnerability you find your new strength because as my mother used to say, Goddess does not put anything in your path that you are not able to handle. The lessons are there for you to learn and move to the next level if you choose to do so. You can deny the lesson or ignore it but it would come up again and again until you decide it´s time to face it. As Theseus entering the labyrinth, only the brave are open to sit in the darkness of the soul and battle their demons.

Tonight, I found myself in deep darkness grieving the lost relationships, the lost opportunities, the dreams that did not come to be and the illusions that blinded me until I saw reality as it is and my tower came crashing to the ground. As lies and relationships based on shaky ground collapse, I can´t help but feel unsettled. So much loss, so much  pain, so much grieve. At times I wonder if I can get out of the center of the labyrinth that I´ve been experiencing for the past year. 

I know I am strong and I know my demons are too but they are my creations and I have power over them. I can be like Theseus and slay the Minotaurus of my soul so I can regain the power enclosed in those fears and illusions that have kept me from moving forward and living my life as it is meant to be. 

Talking to a friend, she told me "If you are strong to go through divorce, you can go through anything" and I thought, she may be right and I don´t realize how strong I am when I sink in the darkness of my soul. I don´t see the previous experiences that support me going through another round of punches and collapse until I see Sun again.

Another friend told me ... "I would try and make you feel better but this full moon is a poison moon and it is meant to be a detox moon. You need to go through this pain and let it all out, get it out of the system and make space for the new." 

Both of my friends were right, I know I can go through this one more time and I can slay this Minotaurus. I can detox during this poison moon and come out stronger than before because the future is bright and the choices of today make my tomorrow. Today, I sit in darkness and let it go, purge it through my system as I move forward so this eclipse can help me cut those things that don´t serve anymore.

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Birth - Life - Death - Compost - Rebirth

What a year it has been!!!! Looking back at the journey from my birthday last year to my coming birthday next Sunday, it seems almost unreal who I was and who I am now. A few months ago, I was talking to my friend Yeshe Rabbit and she said something that really stuck with me. She said we usually focus on birth-life-death-rebirth but we are missing one part in that equation, we are missing de compost part!

I believe last year has been my death and compost year. So many people have left my life, some have transitioned to the other world and others just left or been asked to leave. There have been moments when I felt lonely and wonder why they left but as the death card in the Avalon oracle deck says "Rejoice, for that which dies fertilizes and fortifies the new. Endings always point to fresh new beginnings."

Today, I find myself single after being married for 10 years, back to my maiden name and knowing that will not change again, not even if I get married again. I have a new group of friends and I believe those who are vibrating at the same level as I am are the ones that have remained by my side and the rest has fallen away. The landscape of my life has changed even though I live in the same place I used to live before but I have made it my own. I worked at the same place I worked before but I have a new title. I am still the Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis but my role as a Priestess is expanding and growing.

Still the same but yet different because I am not holding to those crutches that were keeping me together when I believed I couldn´t walk on my own. Now I realize I am strong alone and when I have people around me, it is because they are mutual and reciprocal. They are not trying just to take from me because I am not just an overgiving mother to everyone, I am also a maiden, a queen and a wise woman, I am a whole woman and I have learned that it is better to be alone than have bad company. And by bad company, I mean those who make you feel lonely even when you are with them.

I know I´ve been composting for the past few months, dealing with a lot of grieving with several people passing including my spiritual mother, my auntie who was like my mother when I was a child and my grandma. I also grieved the broken dreams, the death of relationships that meant so much to me in the past but they no longer had a space in my life. Nothing is constant but change and change brings transformation and as we transform some people are meant to remain by your side while others don´t. I am grateful for the birth, life, and death... I am definitely composting and I am getting ready for rebirth! 36 will be my year!!! It adds to 9 which is  a magic number.

Many blessings,

Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Past - Present - Future.... Infinite Possibilities

Journeys...... I still remember the first time I found myself in my car driving to Isis Oasis to be part of the Sunday Scrolls... It was several years ago when I was training to become a Priestess and I heard of this beautiful Oasis filled with Isis energy that Lady Loreon Vigne created for all of us to enjoy. When I heard of such a place, I knew I had to go visit it so I told my witchy friend if she was up for the ride and she said yes! Little did I know that would be the first of many trips to come!

A few years later I found myself making the same journey with my father when I was to attend my first convocation ever and be honored by Lady Olivia Robertson for the creation of Circulo de Isis and the project to translate the Fellowship of Isis Liturgy to Spanish. I see Isis as the Lady of Synchronicity and it was no mistake I chose to take my father in this journey instead of my ex-husband. Somehow, every time I find myself on the way to the Oasis I am doing the journey as a Maiden Queen, complete in myself and my father, Mr. Amor, was the one man selected to join me in my journey as I felt he would benefit from the Temple energy as much as I did. We did two journeys together to the Oasis and I am so grateful he got to meet both Lady Loreon and Lady Olivia. I know he doesn´t understand what I do as a Priestess but I also know he respects it greatly and has built some altars in his house for some of the Goddesses I worship in my own Temple home. If you know my real hair color,  you know I am blonde and my dying the hair black has been a big challenge to most of my family - yes, Grandma Lidia!!!!! I feel you angry about the black hair - stop haunting me for that and the fact I wear no make up!!!! But my father... after being in Isis Oasis twice and experiencing the magick of that place, has been telling my family... "She has black hair because she is a Priestess of Isis and Isis has black hair, don´t you see it?" He has made me smile more than once with that comment!

Last Friday, I found myself in my car driving to Isis Oasis to be part of the Inner Sanctum Symposium of Infinite Possibilities. I was physically alone in the car but I knew many of my ancestors were with me. I could feel Lady Loreon and Lady Olivia in the back of the car along with my mom, my grandmothers and my aunt. We were having a girls party there with the music!! Until I got to a part of the journey where I could see the smoke in the front... There was a fire but I couldn´t tell whether it was a building or a car burning, I started thinking what if a car exploded.... a million of what if´s came to my mind but I managed to stay calm and asked my guides to clear the way for me. Traffic was quite horrible but there is a reason for everything and during that time I just did traffic and surrender the need to control the situation and allow myself the freedom of getting there when the time was right in perfect Isis time.

I arrived at the Oasis close to 6 pm just in time for dinner to find out that I had to come to dinner as my favorite Goddess. The Planning Queen was not prepared and hell did not break lose, I just kept myself in the present time and created a perfect Sekhmet outfit in the spur of the moment... yes! I can create in the spur of the moment and surrender to no plans! Needless to say, when I got to dinner I sat with a Sekhmet sister without even knowing she was coming as the same Goddess as I was coming! That energy definitely calls and we were vibrating at the same energy. When Rain explained our name tags and she mentioned that on the back of the name tag we had a message and that people could approach us to ask what our message was I found my message was "My message is Strength, I am the embodiment of this gift and I give this gift to others with the blessings of Sekhmet." Coincidence?!?! I don´t think so! Isis, Lady of Synchronicity, was at work again making sure everything was just perfect even when I had not planned it. 

On Saturday morning I found out that the words I had planned to say during Lady Loreon´s memorial ritual were not correct.... somehow I had not understand the instructions so I had to come up with new words in the spur of the moment! Are you seeing the pattern?!?! Spur of the moment things!!!!! But as Ava Park has said to me, the Queen plans but she is always open and flexible to adapt to the energies of the environment!

My role in the memorial ritual was the one of representing the Goddess Wadjet, the serpent Goddess! If you know me, you know I am very respectful of reptiles and I keep myself far far away from them! During Saturday, I had plenty of possibilities to be around snakes! Yes, there was one wanting to crowl on me during one of the workshops and I was like... don´t let it get to me! Thank Goddess, no snake crawled on me but I was in high alert for sure! I felt Lady Olivia and Lady Loreon laughing at the contradiction of me being Wadjet but scared of the snakes around me. 

I finally came up with the best Wadjet outfit I could come up with  two hours before the ritual... yes! I am such a non-theatrical Priestess that was hard for me to bring Wadjet energy in a theatrical way! I don´t make up, I don´t dress up... it´s just me! Simple me! Although I could not conjure Egyptian eyes, I was able to bring the Lady of the Serpents out!!! The ritual was a success! I was the only Goddess coming along without a partner but Ra needed the night off and the Goddess can hold it for both of us :) I also felt it was appropriate for me to walk alone and Isis was, once again, playing a big part on the teachings for this weekend. 

We had ice-cream and wine in the pavilion  and felt like home! I think we all needed some comfort food and great company to end a night of feeling that our elder was not there in physical form anymore but she was 100% in spirit! I felt her a couple of times!!!

Sunday came in no time and I had to get ready for my presentation. As I prepared myself to my talk, I felt a little anxious but as my best friend said... I was alive.... If I don´t feel nervous I would be dead. It was my first time speaking at Isis Oasis and I felt quite anxious. I was also stressed about my topic being too feminine and having men in the audience. In the end, it all worked perfectly and even some of the men were running wild saying I am a "Maiden". It was nice to see everything worked out nicely and I could feel all my ancestresses smiling at me because I had made it through.

As I drove back to my home Temple, I reflected back on the past as the first time I went to Isis Oasis and the present time of being a presenter. I also saw a bright future and Lady Loreon Vigne´s legacy continuing in all the Priestesses and Priests that were present in that day and the more ones to come. Isis will bring us together and there are infitine possibilities to bring the Goddess back into our lives.

Many blessings,

Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

The Spider

What would you say if I tell you I have a black widow living with me in my patio? Some friends said I am crazy and I should kill her while others say I should charge her rent! This lady spider appeared in my patio a few weeks ago and decided to take over the east corner.

First I saw the web because it was surrounding the water faucet for the patio so I cleaned it to get water for my plants... then one night when it was warm I was sitting in the patio and as it got dark I decided to turn on the light and there it was. Itsy bitsy Black Widow Spider hanging from her web! This is not my first encounter with a black widow but I did not feel like I could kill it since she was quietly sitting on her web and she was outside the house in the patio. In the past, my father told me that spiders were protectors and with their webs they protect us from harm. Thinking of him and the fact that Lady Black Widow had decided to cast her web in the east corner I felt some magic was around! 

Unfortunately, Itsy did not prevent the robbers from stealing my bike from the patio as it happened during daytime and she is nowhere to be found at that time but when the sun goes down and the dark sets in, she comes out and creates her magickal web in my patio. Webs symbolize connections and are also associated with The Fates who are always weaving our destinies - past, present and future. Having her in the corner of new beginnings made me think that it´s time to heal the past and focus on the now moment instead of stressing about the future. Being a Virgo, I am usually the one that has many plans for the future and at times I get lost in those plans forgetting to be flexible and adapt to changes.

Black Widows are well known for eating their mates as well as for being very shy spiders. I have to say I did not eat my ex-husband, he chose  to disappear on his own but I am a very shy person and as I face new beginnings in my life, I do it in a timid way and I am very cautious so I can see why I would have no other than a Black Widow in my patio. Spiders are strong and delicate at the same time and I can see at times I look very strong from the outside but when you look deep inside I am quite delicate and vulnerable even though that´s not the image I project to the outside world.

This spider is also teaching me the power of tenacity and the fact that no matter what happens, you can keep going and rebuild. As I mentioned before, she decided to build her web in the water faucet area so I had to clean her web many times as I use the water faucet and every time I cleared it, she comes back that night and starts rebuilding again. No judgement, no crying, no feeling the universe is against her. She just accepts what is and starts to build again. Looking back at the past 6 months since I came back from Argentina, I can see that several times I have felt like everything has collapse and I am living in a perpetual Tower of change but as Itsy is teaching me, I am also given the tool to rebuild my life the way I want it. Why cry for what could have been or was? Why worry about the future? It is what it is and all we can do is get ourselves to work in the now moment so we create a better now moment tomorrow. 

The Divine sends us teachers when we are ready. As a Druid, I see the connections and I pay attention to all dimensions - human, animal, insects, birds, fairies... and all the beings from the multi-universe. I am grafeful for this spider as she teaches me a lot about myself as well as shows me with actions that we are the weavers, we are the web. We are the future, we are the ones that can manifest our own destiny. It may not be with bold moves ,but with perseverance and tenacity, we can create the web of our dreams.

Many blessings,

Carolina Amalia Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/