When you are going through hell, just keep going!

A friend of mind told me a few weeks ago when everything seemed to be collapsing in my life the famous saying of Winston Churchill "When you are going through hell, just keep going!" and I think it is a great saying for Mercury Retrograde times. Thank Goddess Mercury turned direct today at 4:30 pm so we are out of the retrograde period but it´s not over yet, my friends! We know that there is a Shadow period when Mercury transits the degrees he retrograde before and once Mercury passes the point in the zodiac when he turned direct, that´s when it is finally over but the light is at the end of the tunnel and we begin to feel the energy moving forward and we can start putting in action all those things that we re-visited, re-vision, and re-evaluate during the retrograde time.

October was a very challenging month for many of us. Do you ever feel when it rains it pours? I think that´s reality for many of us. During October, I had to move offices after the company was sold a few months ago and it seems that when it comes to work, you never get a dull moment or know what type of monster will come out of the woods to attack you. Many times have I felt like Alice in Wonderland in this company as I never know what creature I will greet in the morning. It feels like a pill will make you larger and another pill will make you smaller. You get blown out of proportion to be deflated with unrealistic expectations a minute later. You are never good enough to get to the next level because there is always something missing and you have no clue what that is... like a video game where you are looking for the hidden clue but you have absolutely no idea where to find it or how to get it and you never reach the next level. "When you are going through hell, just keep going!"

In the relationships realm, I faced a few storms during this Mercury retrograde period. It seemed that we were all in our own stories and couldn´t see the other person for who that person was. Hidden agendas, mysteries, lies and deception... Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio brought a lot of the Scorpio issues in relationships. If you wonder what the scorpio issues are, they include but they are not limited to "deception, mystery, power over or power fights, death and transformation" and yes - I said not limited to so there goes the disclaimer!!!! I was in a legal conference last week and they were paying a lot of attention to different words and disclaimers so that stuck with me! When you are going through hell, just keep going!

Talking about Legal  vocabulary and the Legal System.... This Mercury Retro time was fun in that realm... yes, fun is a very sarcastic way to put it. First, I got some papers back from the court that I had to refile even when I was told everything was ok and spent hours in court to verify it. Then I get called to jury duty and have to go to court once again.... and top it, I got a speeding ticket in June and I had till December to complete traffic school but my insurance decided to up my rate now- before the legal timeframe of completion of class... legal world..... challenging and definitely.... "When you are going through hell, just keep going!"

In the end, we all survive Mercury Retrograde and now it has turned direct once again and we are still standing. Things return to normal and the lessons we learned during these periods are those of revision, reevaluation and revision. We need to go back to the drawing board and rethink what we are doing and whether that is helping us reach our goals, are those things really working? Are you following the definition of insanity that says do the same thing and expect a different result? Can you change your actions to impact your results? So when you are in your darkest hour and everything seems to fail just remember "When you are going through hell, just keep going!" there is a light in the end, you will find it too.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Trust! Press the reset button!

Press it now!!!! Press what?!?! The reset button that will bring the catalytic change that will bring your life back to harmony with the Divine plan. There are times in life when you feel everything is collapsing, the life as you know it is transforming in front of your eyes. The people you thought were close friends bring you down, the boss tells you that you are not good enough, the red tape does not go through, you have change in your life, you have to deal with the unknown as you don´t know what will happen tomorrow and all you can do is hold on tight and wait for the hurricane to stop blowing and pray you will come out ok to the other side of the storm and see the rainbow.

Have you ever had that moment in life when you hope you can fall asleep and wake up when everything is done because the transition time is just too hard? I´ve been going through some big transitions in my life lately and I know that in the past, I would have used different techniques to numb the pain and the fear I felt. I would get extremely busy or I would start a new diet... yeah... it´s much easier to think about calories in and out instead of realizing that the dreams you had will not come true, the visions you created when you were young and that motivated you to leave your family and friends behind did not come to be. It´s hard to sit with the broken dreams and feel the grief that broken promises bring.

Change is like a domino effect, when one piece falls, many fall at the same time. The Divine has a way of helping us rise our vibrations by bringing several challenges at the same time but She never pushes us to the limit we can not face. The thing becomes whether you accept the challenge or you deny it and look at the other side. If you look the other side, you may find the same lesson repeated again and again until you take the challenge. As I always say, different people, different places, same core lesson. If you accept the challenge, you may have an earthquake and everything may shake but you will come stronger the other side.

I have run way too many times, it is time. It is time to face the fears and really peeled the layers of lessons down to the core so I can then move on. There are patterns that are showing themselves once again but the one that is very predominant is the over-giving mother. I am beginning to question how much I give and how much I receive. How´s the flow? Is it my expectations that make me feel left with not much? Are people taking me for granted? The other day I was telling a friend that she had to teach people how she wanted them to treat her, the level of respect and appreciation, and I couldn´t help but think whether I do the same. Am I teaching people it is ok not to respect me? Is it ok not to appreciate me?  What are my standards in relationships? I have a tendency to give a lot but I also need to learn it is ok not to give. It´s time to set up some boundaries and make some new rules. I know some people may go away or rebel but I also know that many things are changing and I am not the same person I was before so it´s time for the next move in the chess board of life and if that means check mate to some things, people or events, so it be.

When I got the Death card yesterday, I finally understood that it was time to let go. It´s time to accept that the time has come for some patterns to die out. The only certain thing in life is change. We are always changing and evolving and if we are not, we are dead. Rebirth is not that bad and like the butterfly we spread our wings and fly away in a beautiful new way. Today, I was shown that even when we have irrational fears, things can be ok. We moved offices and the whole thing was such a pain but when I saw the place today, I was like... mmmm .... new is ok, new is nice actually. The breezes of new air, of new energies, of new location brought a sense of safety because everything was ok. The bigger message was that no matter how bad you may think it is, it is all going to be ok. Trust the unknown because it´s the void of opportunities and in that void is where creation happens.

Storms come and go but there is always a rainbow.

Trust! Press the reset button!

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Trust - The Universe will provide....

When you are open to the Universe and willing to take a risk, good things happen. This weekend I got to experience that first hand. I was planning to go to the Isis Convocation at Isis Oasis when I found out that I had been assigned to the general dormitory. Every time I had attended this event, I had been with my father and we would get a room together. This time, I was on my own and I was not feeling too eager about sleeping with 50 people I did not know. I tried to see if there was a room available but everything was taken and that was the only option. As you may know, I am a planner so I thought about Plan B.

My Plan B involved sleeping in my car. I brought my sleeping bag, some blankets, my pillow and even my teddy pet owl, Kukoo. I was determined to make my own nest in my car and sleep in the peace of my own company as I was 100% sure, I did not want to sleep in the common dorm. When I arrived at Isis Oasis, I once again asked if there was anything available for a room and I was told no so I said, "I think I will sleep in my car", I was met with faces of surprised and shock because I would be better sleeping in the dorm. In my mind, I prefer to sleep alone than sleep in a bed with many people I don´t know.  As the evening progressed, I met my teacher and two of her students, my Priestess sisters! We had dinner together and when I said, I am going to sleep in my car, they said "No way". I was invited to the house they were staying to spend the night. Yes! The universe said "TRUST" because it is going to be ok.  During dinner I was also invited to be a Priestess in a ritual that Isadora Forest was leading the following day. This was very exciting, not only because I was doing a ritual with Isadora, the author of one of my favorite books - Isis Magic - but I was also doing a ritual with my teacher and my two Priestess sisters! It was so exciting!!!! We spent part of the night at the house talking about the ritual and rehearsing this impromptu ritual priestessing but once you are a Priestess, you are always a Priestess no matter where you are or what tools you have with you.

Yes, tools! I had no crown... no cord... no sistrum... I was definitely not prepared for leading ritual but what do I always say to my students? It´s not the tools that make the witch but the witch that hold the power! So I dressed as ceremoniously as I could, used a piece of cloth in my head to symbolize the crown and I believed it was ok just to be me... no outfit... no tools... but I could use my power to hold this container with my sisters. It was just an amazing experience all together. I love the ritual "The Mysteries of the Beloved and the Two Sisters" and at the end, I got the validation that the ritual had been great. Therefore,  I felt that at times we feel we have to have a plan, all the tools, and everything set up and things go extremely wrong but when we let those spontaneous things to happen, we take risks and we jump, we meet the greatness of the now moment.

One thing I learned during this weekend was that you got to trust, sometimes you have to be like the fool in the tarot and just jump. I had million excuses not to go to the convocation last weekend but I decided to trust and even if I slept in my car, it was ok. Getting there was the one step it told the universe I was open and I was ready. It´s time to just flow and even if I am scared I have to jump. Even if I can find million excuses to not do something, it´s time to push through fear and do what I want to do and take care of myself, not anyone else, just myself. It may sound selfish but in the end we are all one and what I change in me, I change in the people around me, in my city, in my state, in my country, in the world. It´s time to push against the Virgo fear and be more like a Piscis and flow, let the tide take me to the proper destination..... Everything will be ok. Everything shall be ok.

Blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

My Heart is my Radar

As I look at the sunset today, I begin to feel the energies of the year to come. With each birthday, our wheel of life turns and we begin a new experience with a new rising sign, new moon, and new locations for our planets. The way it connects with our natal chart also gives us some clues of what the lesson of the year is to be.

This year, I have Pisces rising and for a Virgo, that´s quite the challenge! Let me tell you about it :-) Pisces has many positive traits such as being very compassionate, showing unconditional love, selfless, intuitive, imaginative and a dreamer. If you know the symbol for Pisces, you know it is two fishes, there is the positive fish and the challenging fish. The challenging fish for Pisces is an escapist, pessimistic, over-sensitive, lazy and weak-willed. The question becomes "what fish will I choose to swim with this year?" So far, I´ve been a little over-sensitive and dramatic as well as pessimistic and filled with fears of the future.

My Moon is originally in Taurus what makes me very resilient and perseverant. I may give people a tons of opportunities to prove me wrong. I tend to be like a bull trying to bring the wall down and at times a little stubborn and I don´t give up easily on anything unless I feel the situation, relationship or thing is complete. Then I can move on easily and close the door and never open it again (thanks to my Uranus in Scorpio). This year, my moon is in Aries. Oh Mighty God of War! Aries brings a spark and the call for action, the call for fire, the call to initiate and to be fearless. It also bring explosive reactions and fast thinking and combined with my Pisces rising can create an over-sensitive bomb! Awareness is a bliss. Not that we will be able to prevent the reactions but we will be aware and work on damage control more easily.

Planetary alignments usually help us understand the energies that are around us and that at times are more noticeable than others. They give us the push to keep growing in our journey of life and evolving as human beings. This year presents a unique opportunity for me as I am finding my rising to be the opposite of my Sun sign and I have so many other planets in Virgo that Virgo is a strong trait of my personality. Pisces, as the opposite, shows me that at times I have to surrender, I have to go to the flow and I have to follow my heart and my intuition and not second doubt my intuition because if I do, I would be doomed. There may be no plan B, C, D and E this year, there just may be me in the now moment. Sometimes we need to forget about the illusion of control and just surrender to the power of the Now Moment that creates the future vision. As I stood on my favorite beach on the day after my birthday, I realized that during this year, I will need a radar. There will be strong fogs that will prevent me to see reality because my emotions may cloud my vision but in those times, I will resort to my radar. I will let go of the intellect and just let myself be guide by my heart. My heart knows what´s right for me and has no judgement, it has the perfect vision for my life.

Trust is also necessary this year. Trust that I will be ok, trust that no matter how horrible the storm is, there is a rainbow after that storm and the sun will always come out and shine one more time. I have to remain honest with myself and shed those areas that don´t follow my heart´s calling because at this point, I am facing a big reset and life has just began. The past is gone, the future is not here, just the present moment is my reality and my heart is my radar.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amalia Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

One adventure at a time....

It was the by-pass!!!!! That´s what we kept saying with my Priestess Sister as we were driving to Malibu last week. As soon as we hit that weird by-pass in I-5 everything changed. Yes, you read right.... weird by-pass. We were going on I-5 and all of the sudden we see orange cones and we have to go left (the feminine side, the Goddess side) and then we find ourselves within two lines of traffic.... one going to one side, the other one to the other and we were in the in-between. After leaving the by-pass, we had to take a road we had never taken before and started passing acres and acres of land but no sign of civilization. The temperature kept raising as we hit 105 and we were both super warm. We decided to stop in a store to get some sun block for me as I was driving and I was scared I was going to get sun burned. This town´s energetics were very strange. It felt like we were in a different dimension.

After we left the store, we headed towards Malibu. As we were reaching destination, we realized that there were some military buildings in the area what made me feel strange for some reason. It only took us to see the ocean to feel like home. The air was warm and the ocean smell different from the ocean in our area. We could see lots of places where you could camp on the beach and I so wanted to do that!! As we kept going, I noticed that we passed the location my GPS said the camp should be. There was nothing like a camp in that area, only one restaurant (a crab shack like my Priestess Sister called it). As we passed it, we drove for a few miles trying to find a gas station and when we did, we stopped and put gas then turned around to find the mysterious camp that we did not see the first time. This second time, I saw the sign as we passed it... here we were again trying to find a place to turn around but there were none so I did a daring maneuver and turned around like the dukes of hazard, lol.... That covered for the crazy driving for that trip.

When we arrived at the camp, the placed looked more like a hotel than the camp. That was when I realized I have packed everything wrong! I did not bring linens but I brought my sleeping bag... we were camping... well that´s what I thought. The weather was so warm and I brought more warm clothes than shorts. Everything seems to not fit the description I had in my head for what we were doing. I was basing my experience on previous experiences and it was not matching.

That´s when I realized that I had to let all my expectations go out of the window and try to make the best out of this new adventure. One day we decided to go to the beach as it felt so warm we were thinking about swimming in the ocean. We had this idea that the ocean would be warm as we were down south but that was not correct. This ocean was as cold as the one at home. The only difference was that it was warm outside on the beach. I told my Priestess Sister that we should get in and she was tentative but in the end she got in the water with me. It felt so good to jump the waves and feel the energy of the water. The waves would push us and there was a moment when I went all in. I hadn´t been in the ocean that way since the time I was in Cancun several years ago. It was one of the most amazing experiences ever. I felt recharged!!! 

Sometimes, we embark in adventures with a set of expectations that do not come true. The trick is to just let go of those expectations and go with the flow. If you are too attached to the expectations, you will not enjoy the adventure. They say you only need to know what to do in the now moment, not based it on the past or focus on the future. This adventure had its ups and downs but overall, it was fun and I was glad that I did not let the little downs take over the overall experience.

I know there will be more adventures to come... just one adventure at a time....

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja

https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/ 

Time to fix the closet!

Today, my counselor asked me what I did this weekend to relax and I found myself responding... I went biking, then had pedicures and manicures, then a massage, then I fix the closet... or like we would call it "el placard." When I got to this part, she gave me an interesting look and I could sort of read her mind... yes, I am putting things in order and organizing the closet. The closet may be a nice metaphor of life as we have so many things there that we don´t even know. Taking everything out of the closet allowed me to visualize how at times it is hard for me to let go of things even when they don´t fit me anymore or they are old, they have holes, they look ugly but I still keep them!!! I even had some dresses from when I lived in Argentina and I was lets say... 50 pounds lighter.... Yeah, there is the unrealistic hope that one day I´ll fit in those again... mmmm. Yes, I needed to fix that closet and make room for new things in life and also I am organizing the ones I have so in my chaos of life I find some order and peace.

Like organizing my closet, today´s session took me to a trip to the past. I found myself telling her about the first year in the USA and how horrible it had been. It was so hard to get used to this new place. Having lost my independence, my career, my family, my friends, my language.... the list goes on! It is not strange that I ate my way to survival during that first year and I put so many pounds on. It is also not strange that I did not get concerned with health and being whole as I felt I was just a visitor of this land. This land was not home. A year passed and it finally dawn on me that this was to be home now and I should make better choices if I was to survived as my body could not take the American way of eating (no offense to anyone but not growing up in this country made my metabolism go into shock with the foods I was eating - not best choices either).

We continued the journey into the past and I found myself telling her stories of my mother, of her illness, of the instability and insecurity I felt in my house as a child. I did not have the tools to cope at that time as I did not have the tools to cope with my moving to a different country ten years ago. I think I can agree with Ava Park when she said Love is not all you need. You need more than love to survive and I needed more than a husband to feel home in this land because I had lost so much but at the same time, I traded some of the miseries from the past for this new adventure because I did feel I needed to go far far away and find my place in the world as there was no space for me in my homeland.

I continued telling her the stories of my grandparents and my parents and in those stories I could see parts of my own personal story. I feel my ancestors behind me teaching me as I unfold the things in the closet and look at them once again from a different perspective. I am not the woman I was 10 years ago or even 5 years ago, I can look at these stories again and find new meaning because we can not forget where we come from and how we got here. We can not forget the lessons from the past or ignored them for too long. I heard myself telling my counselor that the women in my family before me did not have the opportunities I have now and I feel I am living for all of them. I am making decisions they may not have made due to fear or tribal myths. I am evolving in my blood line and being an example for my family.

As I face my big transition and my family asks why I don´t go back home, I say "USA is my home now, I have found my peace here and I feel safe even if I am alone." Fixing the closet was more than a physical act, it is my unconscious putting things in order, organizing, evaluating, meditating and setting course for the next adventure. Life is a mystery and I am getting ready for the next part of my journey.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

At the Chocolate Factory....

Golden ticket!!!!!! I got my golden ticket today!!!!! Yes! I got to go to the Chocolate Factory and learn how to make so different chocolates. I really felt like Willie Wonka when I got to the Chocolate Factory. My friend had invited me and I said yes! Let´s go make chocolate! You would think that somebody with the last name meaning love knows how to make sweet things, right? Well, I was there early and it was very nice when the lady at the front desk told me... oh yes, you are Carolina, I know who you are. I looked at all those beautiful confections thinking that I would never be able to make one of those.... yep.... I am not the crafty type. I am the writer, I am the lady of words, I am not a craft woman! But I do love cooking :)

I was the first to get on the apron and funky cap. As I was waiting for more people to get ready, I felt like the model of a funky magazine.... Definitely did not feel beautiful with that funky cap in my head!!! I know Ava says that any hat we have in our heads symbolizes a crown but this one did not! Believe it or not, I still kept my composure and did not show any signs of shyness or being uncomfortable. When my friends got there, I was modeling the cap and apron style and it was ok. I kept thinking about my friend who had told me before today... you have no control, let go! It is what it is and now you are with an apron and crazy cap.. don´t fight, just smile!

When we got to the room where we would be making the chocolate, I saw the tray with the ingredients and there the fun began! I had to fight my need for perfection in this process. There was a moment in the beginning when I looked at my friend and told her "This is why I don´t make chocolate... it looks like crap." I was trying to make Smore´s and they look awful! It was after the Smore´s that I realize that I was there just to have fun and learn fun stuff, not to have the perfect confection creation. Once I realized that, I was able to move on and have fun. Try different things... put sprinkles on my chocolate... get creative, don´t follow the teacher. As everyone was doing the flower as the teacher did, I did a heart... It was my chocolate and I was putting my own signature. Yes! Unique me was coming out in the chocolate.

When I saw my tray with all my creations I couldn´t feel anything but pride. I had created truffles, almond roca, tuxedo straberries, peppermint patties, smores, peanut butter cups, and many other things. I had put my energy and my love in that chocolate and something amazing has come out. I had let go of control and beauty has come out. It made me think that it´s time to release control and flow. I can´t control everything and at times, having fun is more important than the plan or the structure. Letting go of perfection allowed me to have fun and smile... my overpowering D personality type of competition and getting it done was coming out but I was able to move on and have fun, enjoy the experience, and at the end, learn that something beautiful can come out when we let go of control.

At the Chocolate Factory I have learned about myself... chocolate and all.

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/