Self-ish.... Guilty of charge!

What is to be Self-ish? Many people associate the word selfish with the word egocentric but they are two different words and they have two different qualities. Selfish as defined by the American Heritage Desk Dictionary as "Concerned only with oneself." while egocentric is described as "Interested only in one´s own needs or affairs, self centered."

When you get on a plane, the first thing the flight attendant says is to make sure that in the case of an emergency, you need to put your mask first and then help others. In the past, I have helped others first before putting on my air mask and then I was running tired, burned, angry and resented. This year, I decided that it was time for me to start being a little self-ish and putting my mask first. Yes, you read right... I am purposefully choosing to be self-ish as really concerned only with myself because if I am not ok, then nothing will be in my universe. It begins inside and from the inside transpire to the outside touching everyone in multiple ripple effects in several dimensions.

When I was a child, I always put my mother´s needs first as she was sick and needed care. When I moved to the USA, I put my husband´s needs first, then my friends´needs first. There was always somebody that came first and I would push myself to do things that I really did not feel like doing just not to disappoint anyone or cause trouble. Some people called me co-dependent, other did not say anything but they just took what I gave unconditionally until I realize that life is about giving and receiving and if we only give, we will dry out and have no energy to give anymore (Thank you Ava Park for the Queen Teachings!). Relationships are about "mutual and reciprocal care." It is not one way. It is not about one person´s needs being the only needs valid.

Today, I had an eye opening experience after several clarity moments in the past two weeks when a person just picked up a plate and did not even think about picking a plate for me. I was blown away... but then I realiezed how many times I have been treated that way, as my needs don´t exist, as I don´t exist. I am just there to serve, to clean, to mother, to meet others´needs.

Here goes the memo to the world!!!! I am not that one anymore!!!!! As when I came to this country and the lady at the social security office told me "SIGN YOUR NEW NAME, YOU ARE NOT THAT ONE ANYMORE" I am telling the universe today I am not that one anymore. I am the person that puts myself first and makes sure that if I don´t feel like doing something, I don´t do it. If I don´t feel like talking, I don´t talk. If I don´t feel like party, I don´t party. I am just following my internal voice that tells me what I need at the now moment and I go with that. I have already lost a few relationships due to this change but if it is the price I have to pay, let be it! I prefer the people that are around me to accept me as I am and not that are around because of what I do or give to them.

Did you say Self-ish?....... Yes! I am guilty of charge! I am putting my mask first and then the rest. Take it or leave it! Your call! You know what my call is...

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

No Hooks!

Don´t bite the hook!!!! I read that book a few years ago by Pema Chodron and somehow the image of her words have come to life for me since I came back from Buenos Aires. As I got off the plane, I have been faced with many variables that I could not predict. As a Virgo, you may know that I have plan A, plan B, Plan C, and just in case I also have Plan D and E because you never know what the Universe can through to you and you need to be ready! As I face the challenges that life is bringing to me, I do it with effortless motions and I try to not get attached to any particular outcome but trust that everything that happens is for the better and that I will eventually see the blessing in disguise.

The other day I was talking to one of my friends when I found myself saying "I have no hooks... they can toss anything they want at me and it will not stick because there is nothing to grab to." When I read "don´t bite the hook!" I was working on some anger issues and the premise of the book was to eliminate the emotions that cause a person to get upset and react so there are no hooks to grab onto. If there are hooks, people´s words will take you on a trip where if you are triggered you may end up in a turmoil that you did not expect so the best strategy is to have no hooks so nothing can grab onto you.

As I have mentioned in the past, my annual rising sign is Piscis and one of the characteristics Piscis has is the ability to surrender and go with the flow. They don´t get attached to anything but instead they may be floating between the worlds with the good fish and the bad fish swimming together in perfect harmony, shadow and light, accepting what is and letting go of any attachments.

During the first month of this 2014, I have been faced with some situations that would have triggered me. I am pushed with deadlines, people are showing their true colors in my life helping me determine who can stay and who can go in the journey of life. As in the Mission, when the guy is carrying the bad of things going up the mountain and the priest cuts it off and lets it fall in the abyss. I am seeing the bag of my life moving away from me and trust me it is painful but when I am in doubt, I remember how I was 11 years ago when I had to leave everything for a dream, two bags...that´s all I brought to this country and I had no hooks. I had dreams and visions for the future but nothing else was holding me down. Now I am at the same pivotal point in life where everything is resetting and I am beginning again. This time I am older, hope wiser, and as good as a manifestor as I was before so I will make my vision come true.

One thing I am sure, I have no hooks! You can try provoke me, irritate me, or try to get my attention but I will not respond. Not because I don´t care about you, just because nothing sticks. I see reality as it is and I accept it. I go with the flow and in that flow I know what my intuition tells me and what is true for me. I am following my own GPS in life and I am definitely sitting in the driver seat of my life.

No hooks! Just speed!

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina A. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Are your fears running the show?

Are you paralyzed? Do you feel a fear so intense that it is not allowing you to move forward in life? For the past two years, I can say I was there. I would look at my life and I wondered how I got there. I would see all those things that did not make me happy, those things that would drag my energy, relationships that consumed me, lack of decisions that paralyzed me, and a continued sense of putting other people´s needs first and being a victim of self-sacrifice. 

As I looked at all those things, the what if´s of life would come to my head. What if I lose my job? What if I don´t have money? What if I can´t support myself? What if I end up alone? What if my family does not support me? What if? What if? What if? There were zillions of what if´s navigating my mind and running my show. I was so scared that I could only see the bad things happening instead of seeing the potential of new creation and feel that I can trust this universe I am living in and know that everything is part of the grand plan for my next evolution. 

Once I read a book that said F.E.A.R. stands for fantasized events appearing real. When I saw this phrase, I couldn´t help but think how true that statement was. How many times our fears are so big in our heads but once we move pass them, we realized it was not that bad after all. Change generates lots of fear but the only thing that is constant in life is change. If we are not changing and growing, we are dead. Even the rock in the pond changes by the erosion of the water. It´s up to us to decide what will run our show and what fears we allow to be in our minds. Don´t get me wrong, fear is good because it allows us to think things through but when fear is so intense to paralyze us is when things are not ok. 

That´s when you have to ask yourself: Do I live in misery or a half life or do I push through fear and manifest a life it´s worth living for and that when I look back I am proud of all the adventures and all the decisions I made as I walked my path? What do you choose happiness or unhappiness? What do you want for you fear or excitement?

When I was in Argentina, I learned to live in the now moment and not let my fears run the show. If you know me, you know I think million things an hour and my head is always thinking something. I have a very overactive mind! It´s good at times but other times it´s just focus on all the things that can go wrong as I always want to be prepared for whatever I face. I was sitting in my dad´s apartment and I couldn´t help but start thinking "Oh Goddess! When I get back I have to do this and that and that... Oh no... what if I ....." You can imagine all the things that would come to my mind as I face my big life transition but in those moments, I decided to stop and honor that at that time I was on vacation and I was not supposed to be worrying about these other things, I was not supposed to be letting my fears ruin my vacation, I was determined to rest and have a good time. When I get to the point of decision making I would decide, but before that, I would not worry or fear as those energies only bring more of those energies to my life.

Now, as I am in a major overhaul of life, changing my name and rebuilding my home and my life. I know that in my heart of hearts I have peace. I know I did the right thing. I made the right decision for my life and it was worth the birth pains because there was pain, there was fear, but once I moved passed it, now I am shinning with a new light and I am recreating myself in the way I want to be instead of staying in situations that brought me unhappiness or numb feelings just because I was to scared to make a choice. Life is too short and when you want to remember you are gone. The question is have you lived your life fully or have you let your fears run your show?

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amalia Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Lighting Strikes

The Tower. If you have ever seen a Tarot deck, you may be familiar with the Tower card. This card symbolizes a 9/11 in life. People jumping off the building, lighting striking and bringing everything down with a powerful hit. Nobody wants to get the Tower in a reading but when you do, you have two choices... embrace it or deny it. I chose to embrace it!

As I mentioned before in my blogs, I knew there was a before and after Buenos Aires 2013 and I was not wrong! When I landed in the USA, my reality was different from what I have left behind two weeks before. My name and status have changed and I was ready to be free. I have also found some blessings in disguise because the Universe opens many doors once you are ready and I know I signed up for all this demolition because it is time to rebuild but before I can rebuild my life, everything has to fall in pieces, burn in ashes and then with crystal clear clarity, I can vision my own reality.

Every step I take towards my vision just brings more strength, more power, more wholeness. I know the Carolina that came back from that trip is not the Carolina that left. I know I was tired, I was burned, I was polluted. Being away from everything helped me see reality as it is and regain the strength to manifest my reality. I am the magician! I am the wheel of fortune!!! I am spinning and I am creating... I am visualizing and I am letting go of everything that is not meant to be there.... This is it! This is the turning point and I am so happy because I feel no fear. I am like the fool! Ready to jump and measure no consequences because I trust. I trust the Universe knows and the Divine has Her plan. 

I´ve been scared for too long and I have wasted too much time. Now I am ready to burst out of the cocoon and face reality. Face my own reality. Deep inside I know I can make my dreams come true! I have signed up for this massive change.... the universe is shooting surprises and all I say is..."I am safe, I am ok, I will manifest my own reality. You can´t shake this lighthouse, no matter how big the wave is... I will stand strong, I will stand tall, and I will be the one standing after all."

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amalia Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Clarity and Manifestation

We are only 11 days into the new year and it feels it´s been months. The past 10 days have been more productive for me than several months in the past. I feel I left for Argentina on December 14 and when I came back, the world has shifted! I came back to find a court document to start my name change and everything started falling into place and moving at very high speed. When I look back at 2013, I can´t help but wonder why was I stuck so much? Why couldn´t I manifest my reality? Then I realize that I was lacking clarity and I was distracted with too much drama around me. It took for me to be away from everything and everyone to realize what I really wanted in my life and for my future. 

It is hard to get a vision for life when you are engaged with people that take your energy away, people that drag you down, situations and places that only take from you and don´t give you anything in return. In those moments is when you are just in defense mode and it is too hard to visualize a way out. You are just trying to survive, day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute. Those are also the times you realize who is really by your side for the long run and who needs to be let go because it´s only taking energy from you and not giving you anything in return. In relationships, I really follow what Ava Park taught me in her Queen Teachings "mutual and reciprocal" motto. Being away has given me some clarity on certain things that I have let be in the past but they will not be accepted or tolerated in this new version of me. Changing my name back to my maiden name is much more than a name, it´s a way for me to tell the world "This is who I´ve always been all along and get ready because I am back. I am stronger than before and as independent and free as I was 11 years ago before I move to this country." It´s time the USA feels the power of the AMOR name. I am really reclaiming my inner self, my roots and what I am made of. I am out of the bog and into the love because as a lighthouse, I am a beacon of love and a guide for all those who really want to find a way to their authentic selves. 

My own authentic self has been hiding in the dark while the person that I was supposed to be to survive and thrive in this new country took place. Now this person is no longer needed because I have realized who I am and I know that is more than enough. I don´t need masks, I don´t need titles, I don´t need hierarchy. I just need to know what I want because once I know that, it manifests at light speed and if it doesn´t, then it is not meant to be and I need to learn to detach from those dreams that are not really what´s best for me. There is my plan and there is the Divine plan. If things don´t fall under the divine plan, then I will find blocks and issues and it will not manifest. If it is part of my plan and the Divine plan, it will manifest as fast as it can. As I said, it only took 10 days for me to change my name once I was back and determined. 

I am a great manifestor. I just need to have clarity and then things flow. 

2014 is the year of Carolina Amalia Amor. A powerful woman that knows what she wants and will create it because if there is clarity, I can definitely manifest it. No more BS and no more distractions! Just clear mind and focus so my life is just a reflection of the vision I have for myself.

What´s your vision? How are you going to manifest it in 2014? What needs to be let go? What needs to remain? What needs to take a different shape? January is the month to set everything in motion and plant the seeds. If you can dream it and think it, you can create it!

Many blessings,

Carolina A. Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

Are we negotiating? ALWAYS!

What are you negotiating? Are you settling for less than your fair share in this abundant universe? Do you cut your dreams short because you don´t believe they can come true? Let me tell you... Dreams do come true but you need to be ready to believe and have a crystal clarity of what you want to achieve because the Universe is listening to you and it´s making your choice come true. Reality is that YOU are always choosing, whether you are choosing or not. Your lack of choice is a choice after all. You can sit in the bog as long as you want but you are choosing to do so and you will have to deal with the consequences. You are not going to be able to go blame anyone for your lack of action because it is YOU who is choosing to sit in misery instead of making a different choice.

The other day, I was trying to get clarity on what I wanted to achieve for 2014.... I started listing the things I wanted in my perfect job and I realized.... mmmmmmm.... this is what I have now. You can picture my shocked face. Then I started delving a little deeper and I said... this is what I would want in my mental structure. No wonder why I am still in this job after 8 years.... yes I am choosing even when it does not make me 100% happy because this is what I believe I deserve. Do I deserve to be a full time Priestess? Yes.... come on! Reality or the mental structure is just limiting what you can have and what you can´t have. Do you get what I am saying? How many times have you found yourself not believing in your own dream and thinking it was too far fetch to come real? Then you see somebody that seems to be lucky because she or he has all you want to have and you wonder... why do you get my dream and I don´t? Once again, reality is telling you that you chose not to believe in your dreams or feel that they were too far fetched to become real.

I was with one of my friends last Friday and she told me she thought she was not artistic because when she was young she would get out of the box and paint purple hair on people. She said the teacher said people don´t have purple hair and I said that´s not true... You know our mutual friend... she has purple hair so that´s not reality, people CAN have purple hair. How many times have you been told of a structure that is not based on reality but it is placed there to limit you?

I usually consider myself a very flexible person but I have come to realize I am quite rigid at times. Once I make an opinion on something is hard for me to compromise and that could work to my detriment because I do have several societal myths  that I follow. You may wonder what are those? Societal myths are those myths that are carried by your society and you follow them such as:

- Marriage is forever
- You need to work hard to make money
- Relationships involve sacrifice
- Life is hard
- Money does not grow on trees
- No pain, No gain
- Life is not easy
- Dreams don´t come true

And I could keep adding to the list but I will keep it short as you understand what I am talking about. What are those things you believe they are real but they are not? Like my friend with the purple hair.... She is very much real and even when she does not fit the standard or normal hair color, she is real!!!!

When you think about this, what does come to you? What are those things you don´t think that come real but if you believe they can come reality, they will? Where are you cutting yourself short out of misguided beliefs that are not based on reality because YOU know they can come true? We are always negotiating and you are deciding what the deal is about! Choose your best choice! Avoid not choosing because in that you are choosing! The Universe is listening to you and wants to make your dream come true, be clear and determined, believe and wait for the results.

When the Universe asks you, "Are you negotiating?" Just respond ALWAYS!

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/

2014 - An Opportunity to Rebuild

2012 did not bring the End of The World as predicted but 2013 did bring a massive amount of transformation that has felt like a Tsunami hitting the shore and taking everything I know with it. I never experience a Tsunami in this lifetime but I´ve heard that in those moments, before the big wave hits, you can see the bottom of the ocean. Let me tell you that I have seen the bottom of the ocean this year in many areas of my life. 2013 has felt like the year of total demolition picturing the Tower card in the Tarot, lightening has struck and brought down many structures I thought were solid. 2013 has also made me question my issues around trust, around my intuition, about my magickal power of manifestation and many other things. It has presented an opportunity to bring everything down so I can have space to rebuild my life the way I want it in 2014. It´s true that we can build around an existing structure but there are certain times in life when we just have to demolish and make space for the new. Start again with a white canvas that allows us to create what our dreams and visions are in the present moment.

2013 brought changes in many spheres in my life that made me wonder whether I could weather the storm and how much it would take to blow me away because I firmly believe that we have the power to choose our reactions in life and how we respond to events in our life shapes the experience. It all started with the company I work for being sold and having to move offices... this made me start thinking how committed I am to this place and whether I would be better off in another place. What do I like? Is this job the right fit for me? If money was of no concern, would I be in this job? There has always been the underlying current in the past four years that I am not good enough to reach the next level, there is always something missing and I am never getting there. When I look at my spiritual practice, I know that if things are not going the way I am envisioning is because Goddess has a better plan for me and is trying to show me with different situations that I need a change. The problem is that my Moon in Taurus makes me so stubborn and I will bring the wall down if necessary but I do reach times when I see reality and I move on. It may take days, weeks, months, even years, but I do get to that point of no return and I move forward.

This same principle applies to other areas in my life as well. The other day, a friend of mine told me that some relationships have an expiration date. When I heard that I was like... I know what you are talking about. 2013 was the year where my marriage expired. Some people say divorce is equal to experiencing the death of a loved one and I would agree with that since the entity that was created by two ceases to exist. This process brings lots of emotions, grief and pain for all those dreams that brought the two people together but never came true, the expectations each partner had that may or may not have come true, and the realization that it did not work out. 

Death has also been a part of 2013 as I said goodbye to my granny and my spiritual mother. October and November are bringing the final push so I can burst out of my cocoon and I spread my wings of freedom and transformation. I still remember my grandmother looking at my Buckland´s Book of Witchcraft and saying to my ex-boyfriend "She is into that......" and you could see the rolling eyes but I know deep in her heart, she knew that path was my path and I was meant to be a Priestess of the Goddess. 

I also recall Lady Olivia Robertson when she initiated me as an ArchDruidess and looked into my eyes and said "Now you go make it your own, this is for you to transform into your own" and I have. Every day as I light my candle and say her name and ring my bell, I feel she is still there, very present, telling me it´s my game. It´s my time to make it my own and create my community the way I envision for the good of all.

As I look back, I see 2013 had a domino effect in my life. When one piece fell then many others fell with it. I could look at it and become a victim but I am choosing to see the blessing in disguise in all that has happened so far. As I read Power Spellcraft for Life by Arin Murphy-Hiscock, she states that spells are used as an active way to shape our reality and they are used for positive change. 

After touching bottom in 2013, I am still sitting in the driver seat of my life, my GPS are my emotions and intuition, and I am ready to transform my life making 2014 an Opportunity to Rebuild. What is your 2014 looking like? Where are you now? Where do you want to be? What do you need to change? We create our future in the now moment. We are only one month away from 2014. What do you want? What does 2014 stand for for you?

Many blessings,

Lady Carolina Amor

Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis
www.circulodeisis.org
Member of the Archdruid Union
https://sites.google.com/site/fellowshipofisiscentral/fellowship-of-isis-foundation-union-triad---archdruid-union
Founder of Tienda Roja
https://www.facebook.com/groups/441201419296609/