Monday, March 1, 2010

Paying attention to the Symbols

It is interesting to see how if we pay attention, we can see that Goddess is sending us messages all day long. Last week, I was very sick and I was not able to get out of bed. I usually don't get very sick but somehow, this time, I felt like I was dying. I had no energy and my whole body hurt. It was like the Judgement card in the Tarot deck, I was dying to the old to be reborn into the new. Yesterday, as I was moving the calendar to show March, I couldn't help but notice the significance of starting a new month, like starting a new page in a journal. A new beginning, full of opportunities and charms. It was like leaving behind all the bad things that had taken place during February to start again, full of energy and hope. As a way to conclude the month, I performed a Full Moon Ritual and for the first time, I drum on my own as part of my celebration. I could feel the Goddess all around me with each beat of the drum as if my heart, the drum and the Goddess were all beating as one. It was a beautiful experience and I thought "this is it" this is bliss.

Today, back t work after a few days away, things seem different. I am not sure if it was the ritual the night before, my new attitude, or the fact that it was a new month that brought a new commitment, but things felt good. I was going with the flow, not pushing the river, just flowing with it. When I got home, I found my Tarot deck waiting for me (some of you may know I ordered an egyptian deck that is out of print and was created in Argentina, and I got an empty envelope last week with no deck!) from a different seller, and the previous seller refunded all my money. Things are going smooth...

Then I went to the gym, and while on the bike, I couldn't help but notice a pattern in my life. When I started pedaling, I set up the route to be 5.5 miles going up a hill. This was very challenging and it wasn't 1.5 miles in the journey that I started doubting myself - did I choose the wrong journey? Is this too hard? Do I have what it takes to finish this? All these questions were getting into my mind while I could feel my legs burning. At that point, I decided to shift my attention to the music on my iPhone and there was a song that said "I will never let you fall", somehow this connected with me. The next song was something about some sexy boots, but also said "You don't realize how beautiful you are." All these phrases sounded like the Goddess talking to me while I was struggling on the bike, wanting to quit, wanting to give up, but somehow I kept pushing, I kept trying until I reach the finish line. This situation showed me how many times I face walls or I feel everything is collapsing and I just want to give up, but if I keep trying and I keep pushing, in the end I know the Goddess will never let me fall down.


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