For the past few months, I've been battling with the concept of Motherhood and the archetypes. I know I am not a Maiden anymore but I kept thinking that I am not a Mother either because I have not had a baby and I am not planning on having one any time soon so what am I?? Not a Maiden or a Mother... what archetype is left for me to play?
Today, I was talking to a great friend and she called me the Connecting Dots Mistress and I realize that I am good at seeing the meaning in everything and reading the symbols even when I am not involved in situations, I can see how the roles are played and what role each person has in the picture. That got me thinking about my archetypes and how they were playing in my life currently since I've been feeling like I am not a mother although I am within the age frame to be one. And then it dawn on me!!! I am a mother!!! I was ordained a Priestess of Isis on July 1, 2009 and I've been pregnant for exactly 9 months when my Circulo de Isis was born! That circle is my baby, it is my creation and my way to be a bridge between Isis and the Spanish speaking community. I am enjoying seeing it grow, connecting to the people that are part of it, and bringing them closer to Goddess. In a sense, I am taking care of my circle as if it was my child, so finally, I realized that I am playing the mother role after all!
Talking about roles, I have been reading the book the Courage to be Yourself by Sue Patton Thoele and in her book she says the following:
"Nice girls don't talk that way.
Nice girls don't act aggressive.
Nice girls don't rebel.
Nice girls don't get angry.
Nice girls do learn to play the victimized, poor-me role.
Nice girls do learn to express their anger convertly, in manipulative ways.
Nice girls do get depressed."
Several times, we choose roles that make us unhappy such as the nice girl role. It seems as society's voice saying you have to be a good girl and never get angry gets branded on our brains and the lack of expression of feelings leads us to being depressed or ending up expressing our anger in passive aggressive ways instead of being up front and saying what is bothering us. I think this is one of the reasons I dedicated myself to two very different Goddesses, on the one hand I serve Isis with her beauty and compassion, but I also serve Sekhmet who can devour people and also heal them by bringing out those areas that we are afraid of, the areas we don't want to express, or that we want to keep hidden because they don't match the perfect picture of what a Lady should look like.
The more I walk the Priestess path, the more I realize that being a Priestess is not about being a nice girl, is not about dressing nice and wearing make up so I look like the Goddess. Being a Priestess is about service and being honest, speaking our truths although at times they may not be what others want to hear, being brave to face those who don't support you, take risks, face your demons, and at times, even if you are all alone and nobody understands what you stand for, still feel empower to stand up and be truthful to what you believe, even if it means being burned on the stake.
While reading the book "The Queen of My Self" by Donna Henes, I found this phrase that identifies the woman I want to be "She has been forced to face and overcome obstacles and hard lessons, including Her own self-limiting tendencies, and in so doing has outgrown the boundaries of Her old self. Impatient with the inessential and restless for authenticity, she sheds all attachment to the opinions of others and accepts complete responsibility and control over her life. She is the Queen of Her Self, the mature monarch, the sole sovereign of Her own life and destiny."