"Do as I say but not as I do" is my phrase! This week, I was faced with having to take time off to rest. Yes, I started developing a sinus infection on Sunday, but Tuesday morning, my head was pounding and I had to go to the doctor. When I got to the doctor's office, I met this wonderful Lady doctor who as soon as she saw me, she asked me "are you trying to work with this infection? You really need to rest! How do you expect your body to heal if you don't rest?" Well, interesting enough, my life has been like that since I can remember. I am doing fifty million things at the same time - working and studying full time, reading, leading spiritual group, working out, preparing for a marathon... the list goes on and on, and the message that I keep getting from the universe is "you need to rest" "you need to take care of your flame or it will die out" It seems that I don't learn the lesson, that I keep pushing and pushing until I get exhausted and sick and I have to take time off and rest. During the past three days, I have slept so much I don't even recall how many hours anymore.
I know I am usually the one telling others to rest, to take care of themselves, to make sure their lives are in harmony so they don't dedicate too much time to work to the point that they get burned out... yes, I have said all these things but why can't I apply them to myself? I even have the book "Meditations for Women who Do Too Much by Anne Wilson Schaef" and I still don't get it that I need to slow down. I need to take care of myself so I don't burn out. It is easier said than done and I am living proof of that. Every time I get sick, I remind myself that I need to listen to my body more and not to push myself that much.
Where does the need of doing too much comes from? Do I need validation? The more I do, the better I am type of message. Why can't I break the pattern? Why can't I accept myself as I am and know that I am perfect just the way I am? I don't need to do so much to prove myself that I am good, that I am enough. I know that we usually come framed by society, we women have to work extra hard to get the same that a man would get with less. We, women, have to do a lot so we are recognized. We are not appreciated for being, we are not validates because of who we are. Many times, we are validated for what we do. If you ask a woman who you are... she will start listing all the things she does but in reality, it will take a lot to get to the I am part.... I know this because I do it.
Starting today, my new affirmation will be "I am perfect just the way I am and I am enough" I will take care of my needs and I will let go of guilt for not doing as much because I need to find the balance I teach others to have. Like the meditation I read this morning from the Women's Book of Confidence, I allow myself to erase the word guilt from my vocabulary, and I allow myself to be instead of do.