Thursday, April 29, 2010

Getting Ready for the Race

It seems like yesterday when I decided I would be running this year. My first goal was a 5k and I can't hardly believe I am two days away from completing my goal. It feels so good, so exciting and energizing because I have been running for months now and building endurance to make sure I make it. It has been a journey and now the first destination is at sight. Like being on a ship and seeing land after being on the sea for months, now I feel I am finally ready for the run.

When I started, I did not think I could run. I felt heavy, ugly, and too big. I thought my knees and ankles would not support me but now, I've been running 4 and 5 miles and feeling like I can do it. I can make my dream come true. I can manifest anything I want. I know I have lost more than 22 pounds and I am finally feeling like I am beautiful, powerful, strong, and intelligent. One time, a person told me the phrase "fake it till you make it." Well, I've been faking it, I've been seeing myself as a runner, light and fast, being able to run for months, to connect with the earth and with my body to feel my heart beating and know when it is time to slow down, when it is time to speed up, and when it is time just to keep the pace. Connecting with the body and making that bond feels like the movie Avatar since I feel I have reached sahelu with my body, I have made the bond and now I am unstoppable. I can manifest my dreams. I am confident. I am strong. I feel there are no walls that can stop me. I am a Queen and I can make every wish a reality.

During this journey, I have learned I can trust my body to tell me what's right and give me clear signs of how to go. I have also learned to trust Goddess to send me the signs as well. Being in the ebbs and flows and not letting it stress me out. When I decided to start running in December, my life was chaotic and things were going crazy. My counselor told me she could not see me anymore because of personal reasons, I felt alone and weak. I felt like everything was going the wrong direction. But little did I know that everything happens for a reason, and now I am connecting the dots. I needed to be on my own, I needed to trust myself and Goddess to provide, I needed to see myself for who I am and not based on the masks that have covered me. I needed to wander alone to find the courage to be who I really am. During that time, I connected with my roots and started working with two wonderful people, one in Spain and one in Argentina, bringing the Goddess to the Spanish speaking people, to my people, and becoming a bridge. While connecting with my roots, I also connected with Goddess and something magically happened, I started getting inspired while running, yes, running - what I thought I couldn't do in December. Well funny enough, I also thought I couldn't write or lead rituals and here I am, writing my blog and writing rituals since January as well. I have also reconnected to my counselor and we will start seeing each other again in two weeks so it feels like coming full circle, reaching my first goal - running a 5k - after being alone and finding my power, and now that I found myself, I am ready to go back to my space, where I can keep confronting my shadow and working on it since I am definitely not perfect.

Isis has sparked my life in so many ways, providing me with an opportunity to meet wonderful people, being able to translate the Fellowship of Isis liturgy, creating the Circulo de Isis, finding a great mentor and building a wonderful community. I can not ask for more and I am deeply grateful that even when I was weak and felt alone, I just put myself on the hands of Isis and let her guide me home.

Now, I have reached the first stop in the wonderful journey of life and being a Priestess. What comes next only Isis knows, but I am ready to accept it and flow with it as I have done for the past few months. I am listening and paying attention to the signs and now I know I am beautiful, I am healthy, I am powerful, I am strong, and I am intelligent, I can manifest my dreams and I am a Queen.


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