Sometimes people think I have my life planned 24/7 365 days a year and that I always know what comes next but I don´t. There have been many times when I have felt I am lost in the middle of the forest not knowing where I am going or what I should be doing. I remember when I became a Priestess and I have no clue what I was supposed to be doing!!!!!! Yes, I had no clue at all but I figured it out and I follow the flow within that took me to safe shores after many many storms.
You think I don´t cry... well, I do. I have spent nights crying feeling my ancestors holding me and holding my teddy bear. Yes, I have those moments when everything feels like it is collapsing, everything is being destroyed and I don´t know whether I should die with the structure o just survive. Where do I hold on???? This storm is too much!!!!!
Some of the memories I have from my childhood are me holding my little teddy dog that my father has brought me as a present from one of his trips and hoping everything will be ok the next day. When everything was breaking apart and violence was in the house, a drunken father and a bipolar mother, I would just hold my teddy dog and cry, paralyzed. I always remember my god mother telling me I could cry in such a way that nobody knew, I would be paralyzed and just be destroyed within but the outside would be intact. Nobody would know.
Yes, life may not have been easy but it is what it is and it has made me who I am. A strong woman who still holds the teddy bear when things get hard and prays to Goddess to show her a way because things are just not right and she is running out of steam. She is still holding on to dear life even when the storm seems to be taking her away and she has no energy to spare.
Those are the times to release control and let go, be the hangman in the tarot, surrender to the energies and go with the flow. No matter how bad it looks, it will always take you to a safer harbor. The more you try to control the situation, the less energy you have. Just flow. Flow. Flow.... Goddess knows, trust the Universe knows. Flow.....
Presiding Priestess of Circulo de Isis