Saturday, February 13, 2010

Make you Stronger or Break You?

This has been one of those weeks when I feel I am going through an earthquake because everything shakes in life. My work life has been very intense to the point where I feel I am not doing anything right and I should be looking for another job. I realized this when one of my co-workers called me the other day and the first thing that came out of my mouth was "did I do something wrong again?" I've been feeling like every time I get an email from my boss it's like receiving a hauler from Harry Potter and it is going to open up and start screaming at me, then burst into flames. I don't think I have to say that this has not helped my self esteem at all since I am feeling like I am the most stupid person in the whole world.

It seems that I go in ebbs and flows like the Moon. It is not strange to see that the Moon was showing her Dark Face this week and I was feeling like I was hitting the bottom of the cauldron, going as deep and dark as I can go. Feeling totally depressed and drained. I had no energy to go work out and I was feeling like I had to drag myself to do the things that in the past I would enjoy and be happy about. Why this change? Am I cycling with the Moon? Do I need to go deep down so I can then emerge with more energy during the New Moon?

It took all I have to not resort to eating unhealthy or drinking this week. Instead of going back to my unhealthy patterns, I prayed, I did more altar work, more meditations, more connecting with Goddess and telling her that I need to understand why I am facing all these things, what is the message? what is the lesson? Tomorrow, I will be going on a pilgrimage to the Isis Oasis Temple for the first time in my life, and I am hoping to connect with Isis and meditate on what the next steps are. Sometimes, I just need to get quiet and listen. The message is not to go back to eating but instead, to find solutions, to find the answer of why I am so unhappy, what should I do to be happy? Change jobs?

This New Moon in Aquarious is asking us to be honest and truthful, to peel all the layers that are covering our true self and shine in our power. It is time to be honest with ourselves and speak our truths.

Some weeks are tougher than others, and this one was one that brought the message of what does not kill you make you stronger!


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